It works...

whinemoreplease · 2015-09-14T08:34:45+00:00

This was an awesome read.

FUCK. THIS IS A SHIT TEST AND I KNOW IT. FUCK. I scramble for a good answer but... dickbrain... best I come up with is "maybe?"... lol FAIL. She continues to tease. I cave. I say "sure babe." Please tell me men, what is the right play here?

You're doing fine. Make the stuff read for your own life thing. You get this. Trust your judgment -- don't sell yourself short because from the post, you're recognizing how you've fucked up and are making the strides necessary to fix it real quick. You obviously know how to be the man and how to have standards. You just suppressed it b/c of blue pill programming (more on this later).

That said, the thing to remember is that the wedding ring doesn't mean shit if only 1 party is contributing. You've communicated that non-verbally so far. It may be a good time to bring it up explicitly. As a guy, you don't just completely turn yourself into a bitch for a woman you don't absolutely adore, but you want a woman worth adoring and she was changing from that.

Reward good behavior, punish bad behavior (i.e. withdraw attention, affection, effort).

High value men have standards and expectations. Women work hard for men they respect (see: clean house). Blue pill society tells you that you need to drop everything, lower your standards, and be a good little boy who doesn't have any needs or wants. That's the lie. That dries pussy up so fast, as you've seen. That kills any respect for you. Why should a woman work to keep a guy if the guy is going to stick around irregardless of how much she doesn't appreciate the effort and value he adds? It's why us guys hate needy fat chicks.

Your goal is to do things to make yourself happy and make your life better. If your wife meets your standards and adds value to your life, a lot of the things you'll want to do will include doing things for her. Live selfishly, and watch how when your wife is being awesome to you, the way to make yourself happier is to actually do things for your wife. You'll also love the rest of the material on the sidebar. The quickest way to sum it up is "be a value giver to people who deserve it". I doubt you'll need anymore than that bit of folksy wisdom.

I gotta go read your dead bedrooms post now. I want to see this victim puke. It's gotta be of epic proportion.

edit: here's a quick example of mine from earlier today which explains my rationale on when i do things for my wife

see also - The Three Dysfunctional Captains and First Officers of Married TRP

Edit2: read the daddit post. jesus. that was awful. the post of a very defeated man with absolute 0 recourse. if you had posted this here, we would've slapped you silly over your pity party. the difference in tone and energy between that post and this post is astounding - i love it. the refrain you would've heard here (which is often given) is that your situation is the failure of you as a leader and you as a man -- but you already know this now.

it's all I can think about, and I can't say anything at all or it will only be worse.

it goes every single imperative as a man to suppress the desire to have sex. the worst part of your entire post wasn't you though, i can understand you, it was the absolutely useless garbage spewed by the other posters. the assurances of a brighter tomorrow are complete bullshit.

I hope you feel better after venting all this. It will get better and soon you won't even remember these feelings.

Know this, once you see that baby smile and laugh and say "Dada" for the first time, you will know it was all worth it.

Now grow up and get in there, you have a part of your legacy that needs you more than you need to bust a nut.

As if this shit is supposed to be helpful. "Yeah buddy just keep suppressing yourself and make yourself even more of an unwanted bitch." Fuck all of that noise.

If you guys struggle to communicate with each other, many problems may stem from that.

The problem here is that everyone wants to communicate with talking. People don't know what the fuck they're on about. 70% of our communication is non-verbal. Frankly "She is angry. I leave the house. IDGAF" communicates much clearer than any words ever could.

The energy and passion you have for life will make you much more excited to be a father I think. For me and my wife, the priorities go like that 1. my individual happiness (and her individual happiness), 2. our happiness as a couple, and 3. our daughter's happiness.

Anyway, good post. Great progress. You won't need much guidance. What I think you'll find interesting is that all these things you've felt and known about have been defined.

Renaissance__Man · 2015-09-23T21:56:16+00:00

dickbrain

Questions will not be asked or answered during sex for this reason.

Sepean · 2015-09-10T07:31:01+00:00

Welcome bro. This stuff changes your life.

Then... (and this may be a defeat. Input welcome). She stops. Mouth on tip of my dick. And says "Will you put your wedding ring back on after this?" FUCK. THIS IS A SHIT TEST AND I KNOW IT. FUCK. I scramble for a good answer but... dickbrain... best I come up with is "maybe?"... lol FAIL. She continues to tease. I cave. I say "sure babe." Please tell me men, what is the right play here?

Pressure flip: "Make me want to put it back on."

Never miss a chance to emphasize that her main role is to provide sexual services.

I've made a point to get it into her head that the way to get to my heart is with great sex and charming behavior. It works on many levels. You don't want trades for this stuff; if she does x for you so you do y for her, it is just a deal. There's no emotion involved, she doesn't think it is sexy, and you'll easily end up argueing over the details. But if she feels she has to get you to like her more by using her feminie charms, that's a natural thing for a women to do and it comes through as genuine passion. It also works when you're trying to push her sexual boundaries. If she thinks she's being manipulated she'll resist it and think that maybe she can make you lose your resolve and give in and drop the manipulation. But if your response is perceived as genuine, if you withdraw affection because you feel less for her, that's something she'll have to take seriously.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-09-10T14:51:39+00:00

Her only contributions to conversation are nagging bullshit or correcting me in front of friends on immaterial facts.

Classic shit testing behavior. They seriously don't even know they are doing it.

She whines later about how I'm being "harsh". I kiss her on the head like a child and tell her it will be OK.

The Family Apha! Be the Oak!

"Do not pull away when I go to hug you bitch."

Oooh, you abusive big jerk meany. Wait, why am I wet?

Mouth on tip of my dick. And says "Will you put your wedding ring back on after this?"

Insidious and devious. The correct answer IMHO: "I wear my wedding ring to show that I have sweet, lovely, passionate wife."

A woman will push you with sexual denial just as far as you let her.

Keep improving, keep lifting. Read MMSL and MAP.

[deleted] · 2015-09-10T12:18:49+00:00

Dude, solid fucking post. When I saw the wall of text I thought this was going to be like the other dude who posted a book (not worth the read). There are some solid takeaways and way too many points I'd like you to expand on, but the single greatest fucking takeaway from this for any Man reading, OP OWNED HIS FAILURES

He recognized the failures were his fault and that the road to recovery would be on him as well. Full responsibility and no looking back.

It's trial and error, seeing what works and what doesn't. Just keep yourself grounded and don't waste time thinking of if only I found this x many years ago because you didn't find TRP years ago, you found it recently and it's helped. So take what you have and move forward, always improving.

Acta, Non Verba

RPcoyote · 2015-09-23T20:16:52+00:00

Whoa fucking awesome man!

ColdEiric · 2015-10-07T20:53:53+00:00

Why is this not on the TRP-sidebar?

[deleted] · 2015-09-10T10:56:18+00:00

Jump in with both feet. Well done.

With the ring I would have been honest, I'll wear when you're a good wife again... But doesn't matter, is 99.9%

This boys is what happens when you take your ego out and just do.

edit: I've read this three times today already, and saved it for every victim puke post as an example how is done. My favourite part is when you just went numb... You can't own your shit any harder than literally throwing it all away and starting from scratch.

Kudos to whomever stickied this

Redneck001 · 2015-09-10T17:53:53+00:00

Fuck, what a great read. It's like I was there with you.

Oh, that's right. I was.

Welcome to the Brotherhood. Live your life like the rock star you are.

[deleted] · 2015-09-10T14:31:57+00:00

Bitch management.

Every relationship has a master and a slave. Guess which one you WERE?

The hard to grasp part of TRP is that women dont find happiness as controllers. They need to be controlled.

No need for you to tell her any of this, just make it crystal clear you wont be controlled

Boesman12 · 2015-09-10T14:45:42+00:00

Thanks Newdad for the best MRP post I have read sofar. I have been lurking on MRP and TRP for a while now, and find myself unable to implement what I've read in the sidebar books. Your post has instilled in me a renewed sense of urgency in finishing the reading and to push myself to to be the captain of my marriage boat, my business boat and my life boat in general. You have after all this time I've been lurking here inspired me to change back to that guy I once was.

I can't thank you enough. You truly have just changed my life. This post is gonna be a daily read for me as a kick up the arse.

SexistFlyingPig · 2015-09-10T18:23:31+00:00

The key is that she wants to be lead. She wants you to direct her in her life. She wants to be part of a winning team.

A woman counts her husband's accomplishments as her own. You can hear them gush about it all the time. And there's pride in their voices, more than even their own accomplishments. She has one kid, but she wants to be a stay at home mom. She wants more kids, and for it all to work, you have to be the strong man.

For you, it's the work/home balance. Time at home is time spent with your wife, NOT time spent on wifely duties. The house is a pigsty? This isn't your job to fix, it's hers. So when you go to work, say "the house is a mess" and nothing more. When she cleans it up, "the house looks great" and nothing more. When you have to work, you have to work. Whether this is 16 hour days for 12 weeks straight or getting up occasionally at 4 AM to finish something or handle a meeting with people in distant time zones. Direct her at home and handle work on your own. Don't bring work problems home to her. She did the career thing, and now she desperately wants validation that it's okay to be a stay-at-home mom. For her to do this, you MUST be the strong leader in your family.

You don't need validation from /r/marriedredpill. You know when you've done it right.

KyfhoMyoba · 2015-09-11T00:02:24+00:00

"Will you put your wedding ring back on after this?"

Negotiated desire only [usually] leads to obligated compliance. - Saint Rollo.

"We can put that on the table, but let's see how you do. You might be a little rusty and need some more practice." [wink]

king-schultz · 2015-09-10T13:42:07+00:00

Congratulations on seeing the light. Now comes the hard part. Things will probably get even worse than before. You keep doing you, and she will eventually double down on her shit tests. That's when you have to really fight with everything you have to be strong and maintain frame. You're going to get a lot of shit thrown your way in the near future. She'll want to find out if you've really changed, or if she can break you down and still control you. NMMNG covers this in detail. Read it again.

Also, don't get complacent. Don't stop trying to improve yourself. The best advice I can give is to pretend you're newly single. What would you do then? You would dress better, workout more, get a new haircut, do some manscaping, and remember how you fuck new girls? That's how you should fuck your wife. I'm not a big fan of the sex god thing. It feels way too cringy and like it's meant for inexperienced 20 somethings, but you get the idea. Be the man in the bedroom. You're just as guilty as her when she's laying there like a starfish. You got into a routine. It got boring. You did great with cutting her off when she offered "duty sex" (handjob). Keep that up.

Good luck brother.

IanIronwood · 2015-09-11T03:18:59+00:00

Well done. And welcome to the brotherhood.

TheKingGray · 2015-09-10T13:18:54+00:00

Well played. Thanks for the post. I learned a few things.

Mouth on tip of my dick. And says "Will you put your wedding ring back on after this?"

you: "If you fuck me good enough I'll think about it."

turbosympathique · 2015-09-10T15:36:45+00:00

Now that you know deep down that this stuff work you will need to be ready to keep this up for the long run.

The key to success is learning the delicate balance of comfort, vs Shit test. Women crave security and leadership.

Leadership: Clear expectation, respect of boundary.

Security: You, owning your shit and taking responsibility, Demonstration of affection, Being clear about your commitment.

PS: Keep thing fun an interesting. Use humor to diffuse tension, tease her and let her tease you back. And you will grow old together.

spexer · 2015-09-10T16:21:24+00:00

congrats - enjoy the journey!

For reference, here is a look at the other path. I am grabbing this from a girl on facebook that had cheated on my beta friend and divorced him. She was never a good mom, and sounded a lot like how your wife was. (she was a SAHM who wouldnt clean the house but refused to get a maid) Over the last few years since the divorce she has been married twice and engaged 3 times. She is now 'newly' married and is 'born again' - ie: after riding the Cock carousel a few years, she now has tied down a new beta and she wont do those immoral things anymore...

If you ever want to try understanding me and the truth, here it is. It wasn't for another man, as was falsely reported through sunken head and crocodile tears to anyone who offered sympathy. It wasn't because of my lack of trying in our relationship or my "sudden lack" of being an excellent mother to our children after 15 years of parenting, as he later accused. This article was us. Unfortunately, my ex never realized his faults, still thinks it's "all my fault" (as well as the ex before me) and continues to carry this into his current relationship, though they too, try hiding behind the facade. I wasn't the first victim, either. Why do they not see the signs of us breaking down until we're gone? Why do they blame us? It's not ours to own. We didn't cause his behavior. Our relationships reveal the bad behaviors they refuse to face. Now, I am blessed with a husband who makes God number one and I come second. I am ok with that. I pray every single day that this man finds God and realizes that He's been waiting for a really long time. I like this quote best from the article, "in the free fall from the cliff, there is good news: God hears the cry of those who finally get honest with him." James 4:8 Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.

Here is the article her post linked to - http://loveandrespect.com/blog/my-wife-is-leaving-me/ It is more male-bashing. I am not suggesting as men we do not take responsibility- but the way men are blamed here is sad.

ZeeyardSA · 2015-09-10T17:37:43+00:00

This is an awesome post..well done mate and keep it up!

UEMcGill · 2015-09-10T14:46:21+00:00

Then... (and this may be a defeat. Input welcome). She stops. Mouth on tip of my dick. And says "Will you put your wedding ring back on after this?"

"well babe, get back on that dick and show me how you can earn it. It's not gonna suck itself."

Anon-Dutch · 2015-09-10T21:51:26+00:00

Welcome and thanks for sharing your experience, great read.

IronMeltsinmyHands · 2015-09-13T20:31:41+00:00

will you put on your wedding ring after this?

Not if you keep talking.

If she yaps some more, say fuck it, pull your shit back on, and leave.

Maybe a beta move. But you can see where I'm going with this. Don't give her a definite yes.

Edit: better yet, tell her, "talking to me right now is the wrong way to go about it." something like that.

IronMeltsinmyHands · 2015-09-13T20:33:47+00:00

Bitch complains about your jizz on her face. But she likes it. I honestly didn't think of it that way. Girls have complained to me about that before. But it was in a different tone than of regular complaining

Title	It works...
Author	NewDadThrowAway23
Upvotes	118
Comments	34
Date	September 10, 2015 6:12 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3kd00w/it_works/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/it-works.201067 https://theredarchive.com/post/201067