Ok, here's my story. It's a long one, but the background is important.

My wife and I have been married for 7-1/2 years. I am 46 and she is 53 (yeah, I know). We were both married once before; I was a total beta bitch and my wife was the "strong, independent woman" and we were together for 15 years. Typical scenario, I acted weak and the sex got less and less until I finally cheated on her. She found out and when I went to leave her, she begged me to stay. She got cancer a few years later and eventually passed away. She had 2 kids from her previous marriage that I helped raise, and one got pregnant at 16 then got into crystal meth at 18 and left, leaving us to raise her kid (my wife and I got high too, so I take full responsibility for setting the bad example). After my wife passed away, I got sole guardianship of him and have raised him in my home since he came home from the hospital. He is 13 now and I consider him to be my son.

My current wife is from Eastern Europe, and was married to an abusive, alcoholic man. He was the only man she had ever been with. They split up shortly after coming to America after he almost killed her, and it was just her and her son and daughter for 8 years. Her daughter moved out before we got married, and her son was 16 when we got together. I quit drugs when we got married, and my wife and I only have a couple drinks together on the weekends.

Sex between us has always been great. She was pretty shy and reserved when we got married, but I coaxed her out of her shell little by little. She now has no trouble doing all the things I like, and she even swallows. I made it clear before we got married that I needed a lot of sex, and if that was a problem for her she should move on. She said "If you marry me, it will never be a problem." And it never has been. I get as much sex as I want. So no problem there, although she doesn't usually initiate and I would prefer to be jumped once in a while too.

So here's problem #1: shortly after we got married she started giving me crap over the boy I have guardianship for (technically he's my step-grandson). She knew the situation when we got married and agreed to it, but gave me problems about it later. She tried to tell me that his birth mom needed to step up and raise him instead of us. She got angry because birth mom does not pay her court-ordered child support (this angers me too, but if she won't work, they can't collect). She even accused me of sleeping with my stepdaughter, going so far as to pressure me to get a DNA test, which I did just to shut her up. I am NOT the father, but I have chosen to be his Dad and am perfectly happy doing so.

Me and her 16 year old son got along just great because we both like metal music, so we developed a great friendship as he became a man. He was working out since he was 15, and was pretty ripped by the time he turned 18. He got married and moved away recently with his wife. His example and encouragement to eat better and be healthier motivated me, and I finally got around to getting braces for my teeth 3 years ago (6-12 more months and they will be off). This caused me to give up soda, and I started losing weight. I started intermittent fasting January of 2013, and to date have gone from 252 lbs to 185 lbs. I started working out on my Bowflex earlier this year, and have gained some muscle and tone. I haven't reached my goal yet, but I look better and women check me out regularly and strike up conversations with me here and there.

I have taken control slowly over the last 2-1/2 years, doing the bills and the checkbook, leading my household and making decisions. Sometimes this has been easy, sometimes it is a battle with her. Which leads us to Problem #2: she refuses to follow my leadership most of the time. If I say "Let's do A", she responds "No, we should do B instead" without any supporting reasoning of why B is better than A. It is definitely a power struggle between us, and even though I have come a long way, I have only recently started being assertive so I know it will take a while. I'm pretty frustrated though. The most useful post I have read here so far is How to build boundaries during your transition by strategos_autokrator , and this is the stage I am at right now. Which leads us to

Problem #3: a month ago, my elderly parents moved in with us. We talked a year ago, and she and I both agreed it was ok and we would take care of them. I made sure to double check, because I didn't want any misunderstandings later. My wife was nice and welcoming when they got here, but little by little she has been more and more argumentative with them and me. It came to a head this weekend when she started on all of us, yelling and arguing with me and my parents and being totally irrational. We actually had to leave for a couple hours to keep it from escalating any further. I haven't spoken a word to her since that incident 2 days ago.

I know I have a lot of work to do yet, and that things are not gonna change overnight. I know it will take a while. I need to keep showing leadership, firmly establish boundaries, and lift more to make myself a sexy BEAST. I take full responsibility for everything that has happened, and have resolved to fix myself and not lead my son down the same road I went down. My Dad is a total "Yes dear" guy, and this has contributed to my problem. I want to show him how it's done by setting a strong example. I have started reading the sidebar material, and am about a third of the way through NMMNG. I have read Athol Kay and Heartiste for the last year. I have read Rational Male, Year One completely. I will read the MMSL Primer and the Mindful Attraction Plan when I finish NMMNG, and work my way through all the materials from there. I don't expect change overnight. Things are pretty good sexually, but the tests, bitching, nagging and the power struggle are really wearing me down. I want this to work, but am willing to go all the way to divorce if that's what is necessary, although that option is definitely not preferable by any means.

Whew, this was long but there it is. Any advice to steer me in the right direction would be greatly appreciated, and I know you guys won't sugar-coat it (and that's the way I like it).