OK,

I wanted to get this out there in case others find themselves in the same scenario I did (RP Husband, Happy but non-RP wife. Then wife stumbles across RP. Drama ensues).

This is just one big FR concerning what went down. I'm going to have to follow it up with a second on the new situation this has created for MrsTGP and I.

Some baseline info...

  1. I am a peacetime captain and only ever have been a peacetime captain. There has never been an open war for control in our house, I never had to suffer the storms, the tensions, the drama that so many of you seem to have to fight through every day. When I woke up in my plane... It was flying straight and level, the captain was competent, she even willingly started passing controls my way. We wern't crashing. I wanted to get laid more and better, thats for sure, but that was within a calm, stable, reasonable framework.

I'm pretty sure this couldn't have shaken down the way it did without that baseline.

  1. My wife had a number of qualities that made this FR possible as well. RP treats women as entirely irrational, but there is a bell curve. The female "rationality" bell curve is situated in a different part of the graph than the men's but they do overlap. The least rational men can easily be less rational than the most rational women.

There is a hamster curve too. Men rationalize too. Humans have hamsters (maybe we'll call the male one the "Rationalization Engine" to make it more manly). Rationalizing the actions your body just took with your mind is a useful tool for all humans, period. Eases cognitive dissonance. The same applies to the bell curve here.

By this point you may have noticed that my rationalization hamster is one super-beefy motherfucker. Look at these posts FFS, My hamster's so strong I have trouble fitting him into the 15000 CHAR cap on OP's.

I think that my wife and I's placement on these curves is crucial to what is about to unfold below. My wife is way out on the "rational" limb of the women's rationality bell curve (I probably sit in the middle of the men's). I'm way out on the "hamstery as fuck" limb of the male bell curve, whilst my wife sits on the "weedy hamster" limb of the female curve.

Consequently, I have no fear of engaging her hamster. I don't need the silence, the walk away, the disengage. For me doing so is breaking away from where I ply my game. My hamster is beefier and we're quite capable of having rational and logical conversations and keeping it that way because of her unusual place on the women's rationality curve.

  1. I'm not advocating doing this. This is not advice, it's an FR. My situation is so off of the RP mainstream that I can't advise anyone to do ANY of the actions below. In almost all situations I am doing exactly the wrong thing.

This is a colossal risk that any man should fear to take".

Own your own shit, bro.

Here's the blow-by-blow of what went down

Before RP-Day

The first event was my conscious decision to stop hiding RP. Just left it out there in the open, all of it. Including my posting. I decided I didn't want to continue doing this in the dark. I knew I was doing the right thing with RP. Fuck the rest of the world, why hide something you are doing the right way for the right reasons ?

Doing so was a risk, but a risk I was prepared to take.. I wanted the light.

I thought this state might go on for months. It went on for about a week. I assumed she'd discover my reading first and it would go from there with "So, whats this Red Pill thing ?"

RP Day

She discovered my posts first (Fuuuuuuuuuuck). I was at work and she found "VIIa - Peace" open on my browser. She recognised my username. She saw me talking about our relationship and life openly to strangers. She ripped through all my other posts and comments before I got home trying to figure out what the fuck was going on.

When I got home she was in a foul mood. Knowing what I had been doing, I checked the iPad. My posts were up. She was pissed. I knew what had happened.

The die was cast. Ceasar had crossed the Rubicon. There was no going back now, no "Hun, it's just a relationship site. Don't worry your pretty little head about it".

It was take Rome or be crucified as a rebel.

The first conversation we had was short. I got the "I'm trying to be a better man, husband, father" point of view out there then said "You won't understand more unless you read and understand the acronym's/concept's I was posting about". She got that, she'd been thinking the same. She was DYING to know just what kind of an asshole I was so she knew she had to understand it too.

So, I downloaded the kindle edition of MMSLP to the iPad. Gave it to her and said "Read this, it's the best introduction I know. It's also the first book I read. If you read this you'll be coming in the same way I did".

We sat on the sofa... And the wife read MMSLP on the iPad while I read alongside her on my iPhone keeping an eye on progress so we were both reading the same chapters at the same time. This was so I could relate what Athol was saying to the words/acronyms/concepts in my posts. We discussed it as we went, tensely. It felt tense and strained, but we wern't shouting and fighting.

We got through the first half of MMSLP that evening and the wife went to bed. She was still pissed but she'd been exposed to the pill. Even by this early point she could see some of the "true" poking through, she couldn't deny that some of the "bad mistakes in relationships" Athol was describing fit the old me perfectly. She could see the old me in there in his descriptions of the beta-ized male. It just kept "popping off the page".

RP Day +1

The next day I had work, and I decided to go. I figured she needed some thinking space, and she might also finish MMSLP.

Then she started texting..

Again, I know the advice guys. I know not to do this via text. I know that this ain't the right way.. I just could not have given less of a fuck.

My wife was hurting, I had a channel to ease that hurt she was feeling by just telling the truth. So I did. All day long..massive wall of text exchanges..and in each exchange I am laying out, with 100% Honesty, 100% Strength, 100% Resolution in what I believed, why it was important and why I was using it to improve our marriage. Didn't lie and mislead. Just straight down the line "This is me being honest, but I got no fear of that because what I am trying to do here is a worthy goal for me and for our relationship".

I won't give you the texts, they are too private, but..

I told her about the "true" and about the "sick" and that some things are both "sick" and "true". That RP works with the true whether it's fluffy bunnies, or twisted stuff because RP is after "the true", and cares nothing for any other morality qualifiers that come with that.

I told her about the "wolves" out there and that I thought a lot about the wolves. I saw wolves out there and wanted to protect my family from the wolves. I spoke about women I had seen preyed on by wolves, and how I didn't want that to happen to her and us. How I didn't want to leave a gap open for a wolf to stick his head into our house and destroy us because of my ignorance. Damage me, her, our kids.

I told her about my aims, my mission. To build a shelter for my family with the "true" I had found in RP. A shelter from the wolves, from the dangerous parts of ourselves, a shelter built out of the granite of "true" and not the straw of confusion I had found everywhere else in my search.

I told her I would NEVER willingly blind myself again. That I wouldn't "scrub my brain clean" and couldn't do so even if I wanted to. You can't ignore the truth once you have seen it. You can't pretend it isn't true if you know it is.

I told her I was braving all this, the true, the wolves, the anger so I could build with her out of granite and that I wanted her to understand so that she could build with granite too. Because a granite shelter built by two is bigger, safer, roomier, more comfortable than a granite shelter built by one. I asked her to help me build with "the true" because thats the "granite", everything else is straw.

I just did that in about 10,000 words over the course of a day. Some of it was fucking awesome prose too guys, I was on fire

When I got home things were calmer. Not back to normal, but she had started to see a bit of the true, she had started to see my honesty, she had started to see my good intentions. The tension had lessened. EDIT: The wife says the texts were the breakthrough.

That night we read the 2nd half of MMSLP and, let me tell you, seeing how it COULD be, and seeing the whole of the RP truth removed the last vestiges of doubt that I was trying to do the right thing.

Normality was not quite back, but the tension, the scary, the fear was all gone. She saw how Athol and Jennifer Kay live in the second half of the book, working together, building from granite. EDIT: wife says texts more important than 2nd half of MMSLP. Good info, but not any nicer than the first half. Not reassuring. Texts were key, apparently.

RP Day +2

This is the day that the bitterness of the pill hit. It was a Saturday, so I was there all day.

She was mainly asking questions... Did you ever think I used sex as a weapon against you ? (No, my problem was me. I realised that early on. As soon as I sorted me I had the sex I wanted)

How is it "fair" that men get to do X, whilst women need to do Y ? (RP doesn't care about fair. Cares about what is. That is what is, fair don't even come into it)

RP treats all women like crazy harpies ? (Hun, I've seen enough of this to know most of the guys have or had those crazy harpies. Guys don't crash into RP unless they are in a bad way. The most common way to be in a bad way is to have a harpy. I was in a bad way because I was a lazy prick, not because I had a harpy. RP has stopped me being a lazy prick)

We just kinda explored it like that all day. Because my wife is really quite rational the "answer to my answer" was usually..

"Huh, I guess thats right. They could've worded it in a way that was less massively fucking offensive to women though" (I know hun, but you're in the locker room here. RP was writen by angry men, and you are reading men discussing these "concepts from anger, but true" in a safe male space. No-one there cares about your fee-fee's).

She was also flicking through MRP posts, my stuff again, MMSLP, whatever seemed useful. That wasn't really helping with the bitterness. The anger kept the pill bitter.

Then I started looking for sources of RP information that didn't come with a freightload of anger. I introduced her to /r/redpillwomen. This feels to me like the big breakthrough (although I'd never desired an RPW like them, just a conscious wife). She loved it. All the true was there, all the challenge and cleverness were there, but none of the anger was there. She's not naturally inclined to submissiveness so it wasn't completely her thing but for the first time she really grasped the whole idea. Thank you, sisters.

As I felt she could use other female perspectives I also introduced her to /r/fPUA because "Why the fuck not ?". Certainly an alternative viewpoint to RPW. I think this also helped, but I've noticed since it's RPW she browses. EDIT: Wife says fPUA not her thing, reading at RPW a lot. Not an RPW in that sense. But is 100% RP conscious and on board. She's reading lots of RPW and MRP posts. Certainly reads my stuff (after I've posted whatever I feel like).

RP Day + n

So then I explained to her my concept of the game on. My concept is... I'm gaming you and you're gaming me.... This sounds needlessly competitive but is not. When I "win" at gaming my wife, when I have a really good day, am focused, am on point, am hammering her with A+ and B+ moves then what is really going on ?

When I'm pulling alpha moves... I am making her feel Happy, Turned On and increasing her perception of her husbands value.

When I'm pulling beta moves... I am making her feel Happy, Safe and Comfortable.

So If I have a storm that day, really rip through my chops, really turn all the amplifiers up to 11 then the effect on her is she feels "Happy, Turned On, Safe, Comfortable and Attracted to me" thats it. Thats when I've "won" the game we play. Whats not to like, as a woman, about a husband focused on making you a happy wife ?

I have to be clear. I don't consider winning to be getting sex. The winning line is when I get her so happy and turned on and safe that sex is there if I want it.

Maybe we do, maybe we don't have sex. Winning the game is having the option.

I don't care if I use that option on any particular night. If I'm making her feel like this I am going to get laid tonight, or tomorrow or the next night. OI is easy for me. I can't make her this turned on and happy all the time and NOT get laid as long as I initiate. If I fail, thats my problem. Shit I got to own. Gotta be slicker, faster, tighter, better..

I also don't care if she changes. She's fine as she is. I didn't do this to change her, just reveal how I'd changed me. I was the problem in our relationship. I'm all fixed now.

Also, I'm not a strong silent type. This kind of exposure I believe would be a disaster for that kind of approach. I don't know for sure, as it's not my game but it sure looks like it.

I'm a cocky/funny guy and so it turns out my posting is actually an alpha display for my wife. One of my big SMV multipliers is out there, in public, and the world is seeing.

We had a chat about "Why I wrote the posts" and I couldn't really give an honest answer. I was aware my hamster rationalisation engine was churning out answers, but I had no idea which was true. My wife cut this Gordian Knot by saying "I know exactly why you posted. You were just being cocky. This posting stuff is just you being a cocky asshole and showing off". It's the best explanation I've come across so far...

If this FR was at all useful to you please help others see it. Otherwise, see you round. You can see more of my stuff my just clicking on my username. Have fun, but don't blunder into the light like a fucking clutz, just like I did. It might be worth having a little plan ready for RP day though.