OK,

Posting starting up again. Will definitely do an "Into the Light" post but that may take a few days. Need to have a good chat with MrsTGP about her experience and what may be useful/not useful for other women facing the same situation. It's coming, but not yet.

This post is riffing off of other posts and comments. I noticed a lot of guys are crashing in with pregnant wives/young kids lately. Everyone still wants to hear more about oak moves. And there is clearly an opportunity here because whilst I think "oak moves" ( moves delivering alpha and beta) are mainly suitable for intermediates I also think they are highly suitable for pregnancy/young kids situations even if you are still a beginner.

First, the prelims... You knew they were coming, right guys ?

CAVEAT: I'm cocky funny. I work by opening my mouth all the time. If you do your work by shutting your mouth (what I think of as a stoic) this game may not be suitable for you. I'm hoping the other stoic posters can riff some ideas out in the comments. I'm not a natural stoic, although I can see the genius of that game, so I am reluctant to advise on these tactics.

CAVEAT: Cocky Funny works better if you a) Have some natural aptitude and b) You're hotter than your wife (SMV differential in your favour) and she knows it (SR differential in your favour). I'm not saying it won't work without those advantages, just that it works easier, slicker, better in that scenario.

You know how girls giggle at anything a hot guy says ? Even if it ain't really funny ? Getting that natural instinct working in your favour makes C/F game a breeze. It's worth developing it as natural game when you ain't got those advantages but it's harder. It's worth it, because you'll have sharpened up so much in "hard mode" that by the time you get the SMV/SR differential and are in "easy mode" it'll be natural, quick, good, tight game.

Concepts.... An alpha move is a move that demonstrates you are a sexually attractive man. A beta move is a move that demonstrates she can feel safe in your relationship. Alpha, pussy wettting stuff underlaid by dopamine. Beta, comfort stuff underlaid by Oxytocin/Vasopressin. Oak moves supply both Alpha and Beta in a single move.

A fuller explanation is available in my III- Model post

Pregnant women/Women with very young children are in a state where they are requiring a lot of beta. To feel safe. To feel the house will be safe for the kids. To feel comfortable. They a bit scared, bro. Pregnancy and kids is scary shit.

This causes a problem for all us ex-beta's. You know you need to pull beta moves (anything B+) but you've just dumped that shit! Dumping it is working for you. If you go back to your old A0,B+ moves she's going to be reminded of the old you. You're going to lose that mojo. Dopamine's going to go way down and she'll consciously/unconsciously be thinking "Oh, here comes that old pussy him again. Ugh."

The way around this is to use oak moves. A+, B+ moves. You get the beta in there, but as you're ALSO getting alpha in there she's not reminded of the old you. She's getting what she needs without you beta-izing yourself again by going into "A0,B+" or "A-,B+" mode.

"Here's your cup of tea honey. Hope you like it" mode.

Oak Moves for Pregnancy

Suggestion 1

Don't wait for the "honey do" list to show up and then work through her list of tasks. Work out what needs doing yourself, work out a split that seems fair without discussing it, take the manly half of the split and work through it yourself without being asked/nagged. Just do your list whether the tasks you've identified are on her personal list of things to do or not.

Then, when you've done what you consider a fair half sit on the sofa and if she's still nagging say

"Hey Hun. It's not my fault I'm a badass efficient housework machine. Fixed that leaky tap. Put kiddy safety stuff in over there. Put the cot together. Dusted the house. Put 2 loads through the wash/dryer. I'm done for now. Come sit down with me, you need a break too. You're working too hard ~put hand on belly~. How's baby doing. You pulling your weight in there, baby ? I hope you've at least tidied your uterus this morning."

See what we did there ? We stopped the old "A0, B+" pattern where she gave you a list of beta tasks and you did them like a good beta.

Now YOU'RE taking charge. YOU'RE deciding whats on the list or not. YOU'RE putting in the effort required to do it pro-actively. Alpha+

But you're also making the house safe, you're providing beta from an alpha frame. Beta+

The cocky funny stuff at the end is more of the same "I'm looking out for you. Sit down". Taking control, using control to look out for her. Alpha+. With some beta thrown in "I'm thinking of the baby and you" Beta+.

All wrapped up with a nice alpha cocky/funny ending that makes her laugh and gets the dopamine rushing through her veins "Hey, you listening in there ? Hope you're pulling your weight and have at least cleaned up your uterus this morning, little me".

Suggestion 2

Get active. Get alpha about "A baby's coming. My job is to protect all those weaker than me in my family unit".

Don't wait for her to bring up all the safety stuff babies need. Plug fillers, drawer/cupboard stopppers, things that make sharp edges/corners safe for toddlers. Get up "Honey, I'm going out for an hour or two. I had an idea".

Come back with armfulls of the stuff from the baby shop. "Was thinking about baby. I need to make the house safe." Then go around the house with your manly tool belt and machines that buzz, whirr and clunk and fix it all in BEFORE SHE ASKS YOU TO DO IT.

If she asks you first, it's a beta display "Yes honey, I know we should do that. Let me get right on your great idea". Do it YOURSELF, unasked, without telling her what your up to, using manly tools. Now it's an oak move A+,B+. You're one step closer to being Mr Super Badass Motherfucker, ruler of all domains.

Suggestion 3

Get out in front on the baby knowledge. She's probably read about 15 books on the subject of pregnancy/babies. If you're like me you might have read one and flicked through some others.

Be pro-active. There is a great book out there. The baby owners manual

Written for guys. The hook is that it's written like a car manual. Treats the baby like "So, your baby unit is malfunctioning. Trouble-shooting a malfunctioning baby: Step 1: Is baby making a high pitched sound ? If so, might be in "crying" mode. Try.....X, Y, Z. If this does not fix go to step 2."

It's a laugh. Also loads of great info. Point is...Be pro-active...Order it yourself...Let her see you reading your OWN "man books" about babies, not just leafing through her girl books. Get a book on "How Daddy's should Discipline Children", let her see you reading your man book on man parenting.

Reading HER pregnancy/baby books is a beta display. Reading YOUR manly man baby books is an "oak move". "Look honey, I'm taking charge. I'm owning my own shit. I'm also thinking about the baby. But I'm doing it the man way. Your frilly, pink, fluffy books just don't sit right with me. Doing it with the manly stuff". Turn the beta move of reading her books into an oak move of pro-active manliness.

Suggestion 4

Just go out and book yourself a first aid and baby CPR course FFS. In the UK they're free, even in the US they're cheap and you'll never know when you need it.

Book it without telling her, say "I gotta go out Saturday"..."Why ?"..."I booked baby CPR/First Aid. I think it's important a daddy can protect his kids"...Trust me dude, she'll fall all over herself to get on the course too.

Her panties might be a bit wet after as well.

Suggestion 5

Start talking about how you want the kids raised. Alpha stuff. "Hey hun, I been thinking. We gotta be tight on this discipline shit. I want to raise them right. We should set some rules for their behaviour, I was thinking..."

Again, pro-active. Alpha. Captaining stuff. Take the lead. "I'm the alpha, that means I enforce the rules/discipline around here. I'm aware of my responsibility. I am pro-actively working on it like a man".

Alpha from your approach, dominance, pro-activeness Alpha+.

Beta from safety, thinking of baby, thinking of her Beta+.

Suggestion 6

Offer to take the big bad disciplinarian stuff off her hands.

Women hate a certain situation (or at least my wife does). They feel that as they deal with the kids all day they have to be the "tough parent". They're the ones always saying no. They're the ones always saying "STOP. Thats bad. Mummy doesn't like that. You are not allowed to do that".

Then you breeze in from work... you've probably only got a very short time between you getting in and bedtime...and (of course) in that time you are "Happy fun daddy that plays with the kids and makes them giggle and squeal". Mommy DOES like that. But Mommy ALSO feels bad that you get to do that whilst she has to be the "stern one" so much of the time.

So... Offer to take some of the stern stuff on, to give her a break...

In our house this worked out that I said to the wife "What rules are you trying to enforce with the kids ?" She gave me 4-5 things. I said, cool. We'll make 3 of those the kids rules for "being a good boy/girl".

Our rules are/were (they've recently changed)

1) Do what mummy says

2) Eat your dinner quickly

3) Always go to the potty on time

Now, when I get home, I breeze in as Mr Happy-Fun Daddy.... But the FIRST thing I say is...

TGP: "Who's been a good girls and good boys today ?"

The kids rush up.

Kids: "Me, daddy, Me"

TGP: Did you do what mummy said ?

Kids: Yes Daddy yes.

TGP: Did she mommy ?

MrsTGP: Yeah, she was good today.

TGP Did you eat your dinner quickly ?

Kids: Yes, Daddy.... and with my knife and fork

TGP: ~Glance at wife, she nods~

TGP: Did you go to the potty on time ?

Kids: Yes Daddy, yes.

TGP: ~Glance at wife, she nods~

TGP: Then you've all been good girls and boys. ~Then reward their behaviour. Drive 'em wild with fun. Pick em up, throw them around. Give them piggy back rides around the living room. Pretend you can't see them, even though they're in front of you. "Where is X ?", "I'm here daddy. here", "I can't see X where is she ? Is she in the dining room ? No, she's not here", "I'm here, I'm here" etc. etc.

Just generally have a fucking ball roughhousing and playing for 15m. The kids LOVE it.

Now........ If they FAIL any of the rules.... Then they know daddy says. "Sorry, no roughhousing for you today. You wern't a good girl/boy. But you're brother/sister WAS. Then the good boy/girl gets all the roughhousing whilst the "bad" one gets to sit and watch all the fun and laughing their bro/sis are getting.

They WILL cry.

At this point I go over and say...

TGP: Hey, I know you're sad. You can have a hug because I love you but I ain't playing with you, you weren't a good boy/girl today." ~Give them a big hug, go back to playing with the other one in front of them.~

Next day, whoever was the "bad" one is DESPERATE to get on your good side. He/she knows how now as well.... Obey the rules set in the house by mummy/daddy.

Massive Alpha display. Setting and enforcing rules. AMOG'ing the family. Ruling the roost. Alpha+

Massive Beta display. Caring for the kids/family. Giving your wife some space to be the fun parent too as you're taking discipline tasks off her hands. Letting her set the rules for the kids, if you want. "Hey hun, we're working together here" stuff. Beta+

Oak Move.

Suggestion 7

Maybe you want to ignore all the discipline stuff above.

Don't care...... Rough house with your kids FFS. It's probably the most fun 15 minutes of my day, everyday. They're squealing and laughing. I'm throwing them around. Up in the air. Onto the sofa. Tickling them. Blowing raspberries on their belly. Shits fun yo.

Just by itself this is a massive oak move.

Alpha. AMOG'ing the kids/family. Being a bit rough and daddy like. Pushing safety boundaries your wife would fear to push. Throw them really fucking high in the air. Throw them roughly onto the sofa cushions.

Beta. Caring for the kids. Providing a safe and secure home. Showing your love for your family out in the open. Kissing their boo-boos better if they bash a body part against something.

This ain't even a move. This is extremely fun shit that I do just for that.. The fact it scores well as an oak move is just, frankly, a bonus.

Some Do's and Don'ts

If you were always really beta. Or if "the old you" is still very fresh in everyones mind you gotta be careful about the beta moves. It can bring back memories of the old you.

So...

Do Alpha up some of your old beta moves somehow (Here's your cup of tea. Now flash us your tits) if you are going to use old beta behavious.

Do Seek out new beta moves. Ones you NEVER did before. They are still beta, and you still gotta be careful, here be dragons BUT if they aren't things you used to do it may not remind her of the old you. If you used to do lots of ironing, but never picked up the hoover... Then leave the ironing, pick up the fucking hoover ! You'll probably get "new man" brownie points as she's thinking "I've been waiting 15 years for him to pick up that fucking hoover.".

Do Show pro-activity. Get out ahead of her. Show her you're a man BEFORE she asks you to act like one verbally.

Do Try to set a "we're a team and I'm going to be a great, pro-active, alpha dad" frame.

Don't Just be the old beta you as you know pregnant/small kids women need the beta.

Don't Let your wife take over all the "activeness" around the pregnancy/kids. Own your shit bro.

Don't Let your wife set the "I'm a special pregnant snowflake who's every whim must be catered to" frame. Set a more positive team frame.

Don't EVER. EVER. EVER. EVER. Get stuck in making the omega daddy move "Something went wrong with the kids, I panicked and was useless. The wife saved the day".

Something happened ? Take charge. See to everyones safety. Sweep in as the big protector of all. Take charge of the situation and protect your family.

Do any work you need to do NOW to ensure that you are prepared for this moment, and to respond to it like a proper Captain and not some greenhorn-red shirt-ensign.

You need to be Kirk, not fucking "Disposable Red Shirt #2 who got zapped 7 minutes into the episode"

Hope this helps everyone.

Looking forward to comments.

PLEASE.... If you've got good "pregnancy/kids" oak moves for stoics please share. I can’t write/think up that stuff. I do the active cocky/funny stuff.

I left some CHAR room on this post (not much but some) If you get some good stoic oak move suggestions I’ll edit them into the main post.