I fucked up by getting in a marriage at young age with a beautiful woman but a bad wife. I fucked up by being a beta provider and not maintaining frame, just thinking that her religious love is never ending and I'm set for life.

Life got shitty, love was gone and I started openly debating leaving her for my ex (idiot, I know) who was orbiting me ever since marriage, probably because she thought my SMV increased by marrying someone prettier than her (she dumped me btw hence becoming ex).

Fast forward, I moved out but nothing worked out with my ex and she lost interest immediately once she felt my marriage is ending. My soon to be ex wife changed completely to the point I don't recognize her nor do I feel her "love" to ever been there. She tolerated me as a beta provider, that's it.

She (most likely) just found a better beta provider and my ex is back with her bf which she appeared to have dumped for me.

I found about TRP and come here daily to move through the phases - anger phase is ending now. I understand how different love is between male and female and my mistakes in the past. I understand why both of these women made the decisions they made.

I'm loving myself now, even though I don't have anything and it's pretty fucking lonely but this won't be for long, good thing I was hitting the gym for 2 years now before all of this started, changed my diet completely, started taking cold showers, found about /r/nofap and most importantly TRP.

I'm getting out of my first marriage without kids and still young. Even though traditional family model is something I'd like some day it won't be soon for sure and when the time comes I'll be sure to do everything not to fuck it all up by being BETA.