Properly Shutting the Fuck Up

SeamusAwl · 2018-04-26T17:41:46+00:00

STFU does not literally mean don't fucking talk. People talk.

Yes it does. If you are not capable of saying the right thing, it does mean exactly that.

STFU isn't your opportunity to punish your wife.

No it is about not saying something stupid.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2018-04-26T18:08:58+00:00

Going to explain not eating paint and parse this a bit more.

STFU does not literally mean don't fucking talk.

You are right in some cases. STFU can be translated "Don't say anything stupid." Stupid stuff draws you into an argument. Stupid stuff dries panties. Stupid stuff puts you in her frame. At a bare minimum, starting out you need to talk logistics. But even a few years in, I still STFU, literally, to arguments I am caught off guard on that I refuse to get sucked into. It's setting the boundary: I'm not getting sucked into that.

and then say "Ok." ...c'mon, guy. That's not how you talk is it?

It's how I talk. But mine is more directed and purposeful. You know how when you agitate a dog, make it uncomfortable, it gives you a growl. It's telling you hey, I'm not actively stopping what you're doing...but you kind of want to stop doing that. It's sending a message.

"Ok" is sending a message. It's saying "I understand full well what you're saying, and care so little that I'm choosing to not talk to you about it. Back off." I've used this as well. It will provoke a fight in some cases. You can also choose not to engage on that fight. But it is hands down an example of building a frame.

Now, did OP say it with that in mind...probably not. It probably was autistic. But again...don't eat paint.

don't worry about it.

It's fine babe

No. Absolutely no. I've said it before, do not lie and say everything is fine when it's not. She should worry if she wants to follow your lead. (Don't eat paint about not eating paint: You should not be worried about her worrying...that's her job). If you don't have the balls to lay down your vision, STFU. But don't say it's fine. You are lying to yourself. Lying to yourself weakens your frame.

she loves to be teased back.

You can search my reply to OP on his post. Teasing her back because you have such a rock solid frame that you know it's going to get a rise out of her and you don't care...is stage 2. Stage 3 is when she knows your frame is solid, and so knows you're teasing, and flirts back instead of getting mad. ~~If any newbs want a better explanation, somewhere in this compendium jack talks about keeping score. Which one? Fuck, go read them all.~~ You're welcome

[deleted] · 2018-04-26T18:18:59+00:00

If you can't control your mouth... you can't control your emotions.

If you can't control your emotions you can't effectively make decisions.

If you can't effectively make decisions you aren't worth listening to.

STFU , means STFU. Close your mouth. Don't react. Say less. A lot less, to the point of nothing as you are just adding to the noise.

If you can't make a succinct point, you are just participating in marriage theater.

So STFU when finding yourself in an argument.

STFU if you feel like expressing some weakness.

STFU (with your wife) if you are trying to work through something.

If you hear that voice in the back of your head saying...maybe you shouldn't say this...STFU.

Your ideas, values and MAP should be something expressed with a scarcity of words.

If you "discuss" something, then it's up for discussion. You want to walk around with every thought or idea up for debate? Then please explain and talk about your thoughts every chance you get. It's like a big fat cover-free invitation into who you are if you let others decide it for you.

Besides no woman is ever turned on by "the strong , gabby type".

And if you feel like your jaw needs exercise. Be funny. AA and AM are like free passes to expel air out of your lungs that you hold in when you aren't DEERing.

redsprinklersystem · 2018-04-26T20:28:03+00:00

I think most of this comes from pretenders who haven't read the pre-requisites, let alone the rest of the sidebar. Than again, there is progression in STFU practice for all beginner merps. First don't wrestle the pig, later learn to direct it where you want.

"OK" or silence. Silence is real fucking sperg, but it works on the principle of 'better to keep your mouth closed and allow yourself to be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt'. OK can be employed at many levels with the appropriate tone and non-verbal cues (from me to mine it generally conveys AM), but is usually the most basic start in fogging.

We have all read WISNIFG right?

Fogging is still my go-to. At least 90% of her words are bullshit anyway so unless I'm in the mood to play with her I'll just fog on while keeping an ear out for any logistics or depending on her tone she may point out somewhere I'm not owning my shit (DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE TO HER) that I can make a mental note of for later.

heavensbug · 2018-04-27T14:33:46+00:00

Granted, it wasn’t the best response but my intention with an “ok” response was to get her hamster spinning. And it did. I ended up holding her tight and she was ecstatic, both went to bed happy. I’m learning as I’m going along, from reading all the links that were posted in response to my question (yes, I read/listened to all of them) I could tell this was clearly a comfort test. In hindsight, one of your responses above would have worked much better.

The_Litz · 2018-04-26T22:03:51+00:00

Maybe it is a cultural thing but some people (cultures) really talk ALOT. STFU literally means, close your mouth.

Reject444 · 2018-04-26T22:13:47+00:00

I've noticed this phenomenon too, and this is one of the MRP concepts that I think made intuitive sense to me right away, but it sure seems like a big problem for a lot of guys. Reposting this from a comment I made in another thread in case it's helpful here:

I'm still new and pathetic here, so I'm not speaking from any expertise, but I keep seeing guys posting these general questions like "When my wife asks me to do something, should I do it or tell her to fuck off?" or "Should I pick up the phone when my wife is calling me?" and it seems pretty clear to me that they're making two huge mistakes: 1. They're still operating from the decisionmaking frame of how what they're doing is going to "make" their wife respond, and 2. They're looking for general, one-size-fits-all "rules" for decisions that should really be made on a case-by-case basis in a lot of situations. Unless you've set a boundary (i.e., told her explicitly, from a strong frame, that business hours are your "work time" and she's not to disturb you unless it's an emergency), it's not unreasonable for her to call her husband, even if it's just to say "hi" or shoot the shit, but especially to talk logistics (e.g., who's picking up the kids from wherever, what's the plan for dinner tonight). If she calls to make unreasonable demands or belittle/criticize you, that's a different story. You know why your wife is calling better than any of us do, and you should make your call as the Captain as to what the appropriate action is in that situation--probably answer the phone if you CAN (you're not in a meeting or something), if she's likely calling for something reasonable, and she's not crossing a boundary that you've clearly set previously.

Too many guys here seem so intent on "punishing" their wives by intentionally avoiding phone calls and other stupid shit. Remember, the fact that we're here is OUR OWN fault, not our wives'--we let OURSELVES get weak and fat and Betafied. Don't needlessly punish your wife for your own failures. Don't be an asshole unless she's already being an unreasonable bitch (over things other than sex). But also don't be at her beck-and-call and drop everything important every time she calls. Just be reasonable. It's not that hard. The goal, I think is to make yourself better, make decisions based on your better self (not how you think your wife will react), and act on THAT. Even better, if she's calling, just ask "would talking to my wife right now add or subtract value from my day?" and pick up or ignore based on your answer to that question.

[deleted] · 2018-04-26T23:41:41+00:00

and then say "Ok." ...c'mon, guy. That's not how you talk is it?

Yeah, that's how I talk. If she says something I'm not interested in I let it show. Vague 'ok's also poke the hamster.

ReddJive · 2018-04-27T07:14:26+00:00

People often want to be heard. YOu see it every where.

Get your voice out

Stand up be counted.

All these things make you think. Fuck. Yeah I need to stand and be heard.

No. No you don’t. Not everything thought in your head is important. Not everyone’s idea is valid. Most are down right stupid. In my office people will flock to phone conferences. I dn’t relaly know why but the excuse is:

I just need to know what’s going on and make sure people understand....

Then they will speak up with the stupidest shit. Repeat policies, law, or the book answer as if they were the sole arbiter of this information.

When you get to the point and you look at her and STFU because you don’t know what to say. Because what you just heard was quite possibly the most inane, time wasting thing ever. You think....what the fuck? THen you know you are employing STFU correctly.

Not everything needs to be addressed. Start cultivating the idea that when you speak, that is the action that is telling people that this subject is the most important one.

Otherwise everything is important, and when you do that than there is no order. The action is when an Alpha speaks that subject is the most important one.

Title	Properly Shutting the Fuck Up
Author	the_grizzlebee
Upvotes	1
Comments	20
Date	April 26, 2018 5:11 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8f4c61/properly_shutting_the_fuck_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/properly-shutting-the-fuck-up.204575 https://theredarchive.com/post/204575