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[–]Alpha_Rising3 points4 points5 points 7 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
She sounds mentally ill. Has she gone to a psychiatrist?
[–]ThrowawayOnMyWayOut points points points 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
No. We did couples counseling a couple of years ago. No improvement.
For what it's worth she scores high on online OCPD tests but that's not an official diagnosis.
[–]Griever1141 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
She had a miscarriage (unplanned pregnancy) a few years ago. And I get the frustration of wanting a 3rd kid and me not wanting one. But it's been going on for almost two years now.
It goes without saying, dont fucking stick you dick in that trap. She has nothing to show for her life except for spreading her legs and popping out kids. She is hard no'ing you since you dont want a 3rd kid. Thats horseshit.
Hard next. Get the best fucking attorney money can buy. She is using you as a utility and frankly, you can find a woman much better than that.
There is no way a 3rd is happening.
[–]Griever1144 points5 points6 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good. Time to dig deep. The shitstorm hasnt even begun yet.
[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I just literally breathed a sigh of relief.
[–]darla105 points6 points7 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Watch out for hysterical bonding. She sounds like a nightmare.
[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret3 points4 points5 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
It's amazing how a Summons and Complaint for Divorce sometimes acts like lube.
A full on dependopotamus will sometimes freak out that her means of support and genetic continuity of offspring has decided to break free. I can totally see her trying to lock him back down with frantic fucking.
Good call.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Summons and Complaint for Divorce sometimes acts like lube
Great phraseology.
[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
And oddly enough, comfort, consistency and complacency are pussy desiccants.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
that still chafes
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She's sounds like a normal woman that's not attracted and not afraid of losing her lifestyle.
[–]smidevaek8 points9 points10 points 7 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Are you ready to give up on just this marriage or on MRP altogether? I'm asking because to me you seem still stuck in her frame (e.g. describing her unwillingness to have sex with you as "shame issues that aren't going away" rather than "she's not attracted to me") and the build-up to what you call your "Main Event" (but really just seems like the point when you decided you've had enough) is lacking. Why doesn't your FR show any sign that you are actually able to use fogging, A&A, AM rather than just DEERing and STFU? What makes you think you will do better in a new relationship? I could be wrong, but I get the sense that you haven't made as much progress as you think. Where's your game?
I wouldn't blame you for cutting your losses and starting over with a new woman who hasn't seen you as her beta bitch for years, but just don't kid yourself that you've truly implemented MRP with this one if all you've really done is enter the anger phase and start covertly contracting with her that she really ought to fuck you now that you're lifting and learning to STFU.
She definitely isn't attracted to me. There is no doubt about that at all. The hangup is because she really wants a 3rd kid and I don't. So in her eyes I'm a piece of shit for getting in between her and her desire for another kid. But I'm not on board with another kid so it's not going to happen.
Yeah, she tells me she'd desire me and she'd be more attracted to me if a 3rd kid was on the table. But I don't buy that for a second. As soon as she's pregnant everything would go back to the way it was. I'm not going down that covert/overt contract path. I'm not going to try to "win" attraction by adding another kid to this mess. We all know how that would end.
[–]smidevaek0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You are pretending like you're on top of MRP when really you seem to have very little to show for your 18 months of progress (besides lifting):
I'm not going to try to "win" attraction by adding another kid to this mess.
And no one here would say you should do that in order to attract her! You're still making reference to her frame like that's the one that defines your marriage. And you wonder why people here are questioning whether you even have a frame, let alone have been able to invite her into it...
Again, where's your game? What are examples of shit tests you've believe you've passed through means other than STFU? I wager /u/man_in_the_world is spot-on when he suggests your past 18 months have been like this.
[–]trp_dude1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
No, I disagree. He's blaming her refusal to show herself on shame issues. Separate issue from sex.
She's using sex as a weapon. She doesn't realize he's ready and capable of leaving.
The problem here is that OP has never dialed in the dread. He's not even at level 6/7. His wife doesn't know how precarious her position is.
OP, if you're ready to pull the trigger, go for it. Lord knows you will upgrade big time. But let me tell you what's going to happen. As soon as she realizes you're serious about the divorce, she will turn into your personal slut and porn star. She will start dancing for you naked in broad daylight. She will eagerly swallow. Just be prepared is all I'm sayin.
Yes, shame and sex are separate but related issues. This isn't a case of dealing with starfish sex. It's the realization that even at level 7 it won't make a fucking difference. Am I to believe that's suddenly going to take her from weaponizing sex and hard nos into a porn star?
She doesn't add value for me. I can make more money. I can't turn back the clock.
I have my doubts about your last paragraph.
[–]KyfhoMyoba0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Test it. Small scale. Find a way for her to see you interact with another (more attractive) woman. If she's deliberately making herself unattractive, a nice spike in Dread should manifest. (This does not apply if you are not able to attract a more attractive woman.)
[–]ReddJiveRed Beret6 points7 points8 points 7 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
ok hold on
Im not buying this bullshit.
how the fuck do you do this for 2 years and still yet fail a simple shit test? and she's throwing things at you? that just doesn't happen.
how is it after 2 years this is the first we've even heard of you?
it looks like you Just ran down our checklist of things to improve. Gave yourself an A on all the subjects and somehow...she's just a bitch.
now it is true that sometimes people are shitty and they aren't going to get it. But damn i don't see shit from you here. you don't even have the guts to respect the men working here with a real user id. Just some throw away bullshit. Get your validation and move on.
[–]trp_dude2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
No, I think he's real. He never showed her real dread. In her eyes, his SMV is still low.
Yes, low SMV in her eyes. But she may not care since she knows with divorce rape she'll probably be OK.
But she won't get kid #3.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Got to bottom comment, scrolled up to reply but something caught my eye and told me to go read it. Glad I did. I gotta start conditioning my time based on post history again.
[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
read it. i pull guys post history before i do reply. Mainly to see where they post on reddit and how much time they've put into MRP
im not faulting him for wanting to leave a shitty person. We all have them and need to purge them if they aren't providing value. Im doing that myself and my snowflake is on the list.
still to use a throw away? Post here about all this Did he want validation over his plan? that he was a good soldier and did everything he could but the girl just can't see it right?
i am more about mens mindset the internal process. we have tons here about gaming and kino and women yet that is external. i don't see that internal work here. Plenty of educated rich men have fucked up the world. Doesn't make you special .
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Meh, could be. I lurked here for over a year before I got the guts to post, and when I did I got shat on so hard, I still get whiffs of it from time to time.
If it's legit, I'd like to see how he does going forward. If it's BS, he's pathetic in a way that life itself is a punishment.
[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
and it s because your word can't be taken for granted. Anyone can talk the talk here.
i myself was called out on it once. Really i thought i was providing value to what i knew already. I came to see it differently. If you want to add value you have to go through the mill.
guys like pook, jack10ofhearts, and ultimate cad are rare. And so far we've had 3 guys claiming long term process only for it to blow up. Sorry. I don't buy it.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you want to add value you have to go through the mill.
I like this. It's funny how some of the most valuable things I've received from MRP are from the comments.
[–]Sapphire_Jizz3 points4 points5 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Congrats on making the right choice.
Keep us updated with your progress, let us know how the divorce plays out, etc.
Good luck.
[–]Aaren_Augustine1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I'm curious. If you had to describe yourself when you two first met, how would it go?
Career Mr. Nice Guy. Developed oneitis. Didn't establish boundaries and over the years I became less of a captain. Actually I wouldn't call myself much of a captain years ago. I was along for the ride. She cared about some things a lot more than I did so that led to her establishing rules. Our SMV and incomes were similar. Over the years I'd whine and try to negotiate desire and as you'd expect that went nowhere. And then one day I decided to grow a pair.
[–]Aaren_Augustine1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So is it fair to assume she slotted you as more of a utility or accessory rather than a actual person?
[–]nastynickdrRed Beret0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Any red flags you noticed before marriage?
[–]470_2_700_nm2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This sounds like a fucking mess for you.
There are men on this sub, hopefully who have been through this, who can help you find your way.
Good luck, great job with your self improvement, too bad she can't come along.
Good on you for making a tough decision. Divorce with kids can be a quagmire. Once you start, don't stop. Don't feel sorry for her. Don't let others around you shame you. Make up your mind and do what you need to with iron resolve. I went through through this shit on my own years ago and it sucks. PM myself or some of the others here if you need to when it gets difficult.....because it's going to get difficult.
Having said that, as with most difficult things, it was worth it.
[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
I doubt that we're getting the full story here.
Progressing for 18 months. ... I calmly come in to calm everyone down. ... This turns into my wife throwing something at me (missing) and then texting me things like "get the fuck out" and "back the fuck off" among others. ... I'm calm, she's livid. ... Since then - Hard no and rejection 100% of the time for almost 4 months now.
Maybe she's nuts ... But my guess is that OP has either
no frame and is leaving out the crucial parts of the story
autistic retard frame that finally drove his wife over the edge
adopted Mr. Spock emotionless zombie frame and "thinks 'being calm = maintaining frame' even while Donald Trump is in mid-cuck with their wives."
Why do I think OP's frame is lacking?
I've been really focused for almost 18 months. Hard no and rejection 100% of the time for almost 4 months now.
I've been really focused for almost 18 months.
Hard no and rejection 100% of the time for almost 4 months now.
Yet
New throwaway. Posted to MRP but there is a 3 day wait.
What's the fucking hurry to get our validation right now? Why does someone 18 months in need emergency validation, anyway? Sure doesn't sound like solid frame to me; my guess is that OP has some fundamental misconception(s) about frame, has been behaving incongruously or autistically, and this so-called "main event" was the final straw when she gave up on him and checked out.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
yeah, it's so hard to assess the guy's frame. My guess is emotionless retard. But if she's always been weird about sex, that's not likely to change
[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
My guess is emotionless retard.
Mine, too. I was triggered by the "calmly ... calm" in the same sentence.
I can imagine a day in the Throwaway household, fogging and withdrawing from any emotional engagement whatsoever like its a shit test, even when it has nothing to do with him ...
Her: "My mom called me at 2:30 to tell me she needed me to come pick her up and take her to the mechanic to get her car back at 3. I'm really annoyed at her; she's known about this for two days, but only tells me at the last minute and ruins my schedule." Him: "I can understand that you found this irritating. However, I am not responsible for your emotions." Her: "I never said you were responsible for my emotions! I just want a little empathy from you when I vent about something that upset me." Him: "I agree that you never said I was responsible for your emotions. What makes you feel that I have no empathy when you vent?" Her: "You seem so emotionally disconnected these days, like you were replaced by a robot." Him: "I realize that you feel that I am emotionally disconnected. In what ways do I seem robotic to you?" Her: "THIS! THIS! You're talking like a robot!" Him: "Yes, I am a robot from Mars! I have been sent to attract human females and fuck them!" (Does a little robot dance) "Let's go to the bedroom right now." Her: "That's not funny. Having sex with you right now is the last thing in the world I would want to do, you fucking IDIOT!" Him: "I understand that you didn't find that funny. I'm not interested in continuing this conversation until you calm down. I'm going to the gym now." Her: "You fucking asshole! You told the kids you would take them to the playground this evening." Him: (Disappears) Him later to himself: "Let's see how I did ... fog, fog/negative inquiry, fog, A&A and escalate, OI/fog, Dread Level 4 withdrawing time and attention; I crushed that shit test! A+!"
Her: "My mom called me at 2:30 to tell me she needed me to come pick her up and take her to the mechanic to get her car back at 3. I'm really annoyed at her; she's known about this for two days, but only tells me at the last minute and ruins my schedule."
Him: "I can understand that you found this irritating. However, I am not responsible for your emotions."
Her: "I never said you were responsible for my emotions! I just want a little empathy from you when I vent about something that upset me."
Him: "I agree that you never said I was responsible for your emotions. What makes you feel that I have no empathy when you vent?"
Her: "You seem so emotionally disconnected these days, like you were replaced by a robot."
Him: "I realize that you feel that I am emotionally disconnected. In what ways do I seem robotic to you?"
Her: "THIS! THIS! You're talking like a robot!"
Him: "Yes, I am a robot from Mars! I have been sent to attract human females and fuck them!" (Does a little robot dance) "Let's go to the bedroom right now."
Her: "That's not funny. Having sex with you right now is the last thing in the world I would want to do, you fucking IDIOT!"
Him: "I understand that you didn't find that funny. I'm not interested in continuing this conversation until you calm down. I'm going to the gym now."
Her: "You fucking asshole! You told the kids you would take them to the playground this evening."
Him: (Disappears)
Him later to himself: "Let's see how I did ... fog, fog/negative inquiry, fog, A&A and escalate, OI/fog, Dread Level 4 withdrawing time and attention; I crushed that shit test! A+!"
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You set this mess up. Own it before you run off, Peter Pan.
Divorce her. Your happiness is paramount.
[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Having a 3rd kid is just her way of locking in her SAHM status for another decade.
[–]2235520 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Hey mate, I am VERY new to red pill, only discovered it about 1-2 months ago.... In this short period I learned enough to agree with the other people about your frame... You are still blaming/rationalizing her behavior, You SETTLED for poor sex (why would she give you anything else, if you take the scraps...), you didn't set boundaries and made it clear what the consequences of them being broken are ( you let her throw something at you, and abuse you 4 months ago, and still there asking for sex???)
I have no doubt that some marriages will not work, and I may be in one myself, and some women are just too crazy, but you will carry same issue into your next relationship, and will start settling for things that you don't like, and you know how the rest goes....
I wish you best of luck.
[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why the fuck do you care about money? It's just money. At best it's a symptom, not a cause. Figure out what the problem is, then find your solution.
You're doing more fuckarounditis bullshit. 4 month, christ. I don't even care about your bullshitting your progress. It's the lack of self respect that triggers me.
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[–]Alpha_Rising3 points4 points5 points (12 children) | Copy Link
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[–]smidevaek8 points9 points10 points (7 children) | Copy Link
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[–]trp_dude1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThrowawayOnMyWayOut points points points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]KyfhoMyoba0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ReddJiveRed Beret6 points7 points8 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]trp_dude2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Aaren_Augustine1 point2 points3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
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[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
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