I had pretty much stopped gaming/initiating with my wife for the last week. 2 weeks previously or so I had been shut down…and I mean shut down as hard as you can be.

I got tired of beating my head against the wall then wondering why there was blood on it. I stopped. the constant rejection was messing with my head.

She has a only 2 times a week schedule. Apparently thats how often she gets horny, what’s more it’s still my job on those two days to say “Oops time to have sex”, That’ how routine it has to be. 11:30 I get to go time for sex. but only on those two days. Then she will agree, maybe….nothing was getting a response. Withdraw time, affection/attention, then presence...nothing was phasing her...until I just stopped totally.

Any case I started again. Sunday night. sex has the same pattern. Little deviation. I am doing what the wisdom says, SGM…but whenever I leave her pattern of sex I get instructions, or commands, or the most recent “you know that doesn’t do anything for me”.

she refuses to deviate this time, and in fact stopped me from touching her claiming “it’s what I want…i am enjoying the tenderness”. I quit…. it just wasn’t working. She steadfastly refuses to go any further then her pattern. At this point I just want someone who is enthusiastic to be with me.

She cries. Upset that I can’t get off. I interpret this as a comfort test so hold her….quite likely wrong on that but getting up to leave did not seem right. she vents and emotionally raging.

I can't change her. She is who she is. blah blah blah. She recognized that she turned me down for two weeks. Then blamed it on me though then said she is trying to get back on schedule.

She tells me not to take the rejections personal.

AKA I may not feel or think I am butthurt, but either A: she smells something I am not aware of or B: she still sees a beta child or C: She is sensing a loss of control.

don't stop initiating.

AKA: She likes the attention but wasn't willing to go further.

This drives me insane because when we dated and for the first 5 years of marriage she was great in bed. Now…she interprets a hand job to be her running her hands on my arms.

Not leading? Quite likely Though I am in control of everything….plans and materials already in place for summer projects as soon as this fucking snow stops. I make and communicate plans but she often asks me to repeat them throughout the week, blaming her stress is causing her to forget. I don't repeat things...especially the 5th time.

Trouble is nothing is on her terms...we had this argument this weekend as well. It's all about me not communicating. She knows she's not meeting the standard. She had to back track on a couple of her arguments. can things be better? Sure. And it will be better today then yesterday, but she isn’t on board yet.

Not Attractive? Check. Totally get that but everything is on the up path. Maybe I am asking too much too soon but fuck me it doesn’t seem like I need to wait a year to have even fair sex.

A Fumbling ape at gaming? Most likely, it’s not getting tingles but I don't think she'd admit if it were. it’s likely she is enjoying the attention but wants to control the sex side of this so is resisting in some fashion.

how can you tell if a woman is turning the clock back on her sexual history. Is this what she is doing to control sex or is it just me being coming out of betadom. How do you lead this?

Lastly there have been several things in the last week that make me take stock of a possible change in dynamic. Assuming I am reading the tea leaves correctly.

  1. She's admitted to me that she purposely picked 4 fights with me and that I did not respond the way she wanted.
  2. She has deliberately changed history of events in order to paint me in a bad light.
  3. She told me that our sex life has always sucked up until a few years ago. I on the other hand think the opposite and she knows it.

If I look at her actions i get a sense that she is unbalanced and out of control. Not just from the licensure that's coming up in a month...her nervousness and flat out denials have been going on longer then that can account for.

As I write this the thought keeps jumping in my head that my wife just may be a shitty person….or has become one. That statement is humbling because per MRP wisdom that’s my fault.

In some ways I feel like the train is moving and she is still at the station. It’s literally like the more positive changes I make the more negative ones she makes.