Purpose:

Hi all,

This is just some background information about my situation. I will be linking here for any further posts I do so that, if someone actually wants to know my situation, they can find it in great detail without me having to fill a wall of text every time I post. I've decided to create a new account for this because my other MRP/main account had too much information linking to me.

Where to start...

Family and I:

White middle class family. Dad starting having an affair while I was young, another woman and all her daughters accused him of rape. He got locked up when I was 17. Mum ruled the house, asked me to leave when I was 19 after I bought a motorcycle against her wishes, fair enough. I was diagnosed with aspergers when I was young.

Highschool:

Total nerd at school, hung around other nerds. Started lifting, but very sporadic, no structure or discipline. Bad porn addiction. Didn't have sex till after HS at 19 years old with my first GF.

First GF:

My first girlfriend was 16, and wasn't hot at all (HB4), I was actually embarrassed to have her around me. But the sex was good: anal, bj, handjob, swallow, public, she even used to blow me in the car while I was driving in traffic. I ended it after 8 months because I was disgusted by her, not because of sex, but because she had body image issues and I felt I was taking advantage of her.

It wasn't until TRP that I realised, looking back on it, she didn't actually "love" me at all, any more than I loved her. She was just using me for free transport and status among her even worse friends. When we broke up, the first thing I said was "Don't worry, I haven't found another woman". The first thing she said was "do we have breakup sex now please?". I was a fucking idiot.

Uni:

Fast forward through uni. I was living by myself, doing average through my engineering degree. And completely addicted to video games. My porn addiction continued to get worse, and, to put it lightly, normal shit didn't do it for me any more. I had very little money to spend going out after rent and food costs, and I was living in the suburbs (it's what I could afford).

2nd GF:

I met my second girlfriend (now wife) while on exchange during my second year in a local Bar. I got her number, the first and only bar number close to this day, went on a few dates, nothing happened more than a hug. After a few dates, I told her straight out, "I like you, but I want to take it further, I want a sexual relationship, otherwise I'm not going to be wasting my time". It's not as impressive as it sounds, the only reason I said it was that I thought we were in some kind of "relationship" and that I didn't want to "cheat". Few days later she invites me out to the bar for drinks. We get drunk, go to her place. Fuck. She was very tight, and there was blood, and she says I'm the first. Relationship continues as normal, vanilla sex only, fair enough, she was virgin right? We kept it going as a long term relationship after I return home. I later found out that the only reason she accepted to have sex with me was because I knew no-one, couldn't speak the language even if I did, would be pissing off in a few months, and was handsome enough: guilt free sex.

Due to VISA issues, she couldn't come to me, but I'd save up and every half year we'd go on a holiday together for a few weeks to other countries. It was around this time I stopped lifting, and found the drug that is "Dota2".

Wife:

We met when I was 21, she was 26. She had been working in "international business", had her own paid off apartment. BP me thought I had hit the jackpot: hot, rich, n-count of only me. She knows many people in many high up places, and I don't doubt for a second that many a rich business man has proposed to her. She quit her job in order to start her own business. She has one store now and makes more than 3 times what I do as an entry level engineer. She has well laid plans to expand and franchise the business: investors and franchisees all lined up and eager. She only took 1 year off, in which her business partner ran things while she planned to have a baby. In short, her SMV is incredibly high.

Marriage:

There was no proposal; after graduating I was lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time with a uni professor and got a job as an entry level engineer. During a skype call to relay the good news, she threw down the ultimatum, either marriage, or it's over. I took marriage. We got married after 3 years of knowing each other (but never living together for more than a month) and she moved down with me, after now being approved for a visa as my spouse, during her year off that she had negotiated with her business partner.

At this time I was skinny fat, with a gut. And spent my time either at work, or playing dota. After 2 menstrual cycles of starfish sex she fell pregnant. Two months after that we had a huge argument in which she threatened to leave and I... pathetically broke down crying for to stay. She made me sign a promise that I would never play dota again. At that point, I'm ashamed to say, I had clocked up over 3,000 hours in the game, not including watching streams, nor WRITING MY OWN FUCKING GUIDES. I put more effort into that game than my fucking degree.

Quitting dota2:

As much I'd like to say I quit cold turkey: it's not entirely true. Yes, I haven't played dota2 to this day, and have no intention of going back ever, but I did satisfy my cravings by instead playing the original warcraft 3 Dota. It started off every few weeks, then a month, then nothing. The frustration at not having my key binds, combined with no online play made it painful and after every game, I enjoyed it less.

Discovering TRP:

After quitting dota, I had nothing to be content with. I was bored, and now that she was pregnant, my wife saw no reason to have sex with me. She ended up leaving back for her home country to attend to her business for a few months before she got too pregnant. Shortly after, I discovered TRP while on 4chan /pol/. And it has changed my life.

I can't remember exactly when I started adopting it completely. But it was around mid 2015. I started going to the gym again, but this time with a passion: I actually did my research before sticking to starting strength. Been going 3-4 times a week instead of 3 hours once a fortnight, and trying to eat properly, but I've got a long way to go.

In a bit of a round about way, I read or listened to audiobooks of "The rational male", "48 laws", "how to make friends and influence people", "rules of the game (the story one)". "The rational male" has completely changed my views on EVERYTHING.

When my wife got back she was surprised to say the least. I was now lifting, reading and even meditating. Despite being sex months pregnant, we had sex a few times, and I even got a blowjob, though always in the shower.

The baby:

Shortly before the birth of our son, my parents in law came to stay with us. I don't know their language, they don't know English. It's not easy having a baby around. Though I sleep well enough, my wife doesn't: she has to wake up every few hours to feed him. I don't have to do almost anything in the house, as either my parents in law do it, or my wife does. While this seemed good at first, it has led to me being lazy. It hasn't been easy, and there are still times where I fuck up. Miss gym, play too much poker, don't do my fair share around the house and generally become lazy. But it's getting better.

Our baby is doing well. He is healthy, seems to be happy? And is hitting all his milestones. To be honest, I don't feel as much of a connection with him as what I've heard described from other people. Maybe it's one of those things where "you don't know what you've got till it's gone". None the less, he's the main reason why I stick to this relationship. I believe that the relationship will become stronger as he grows older.

Why I'm still married:

Because I don't want my son to have to go through life without a father. Although I originally went with TRP to save my marriage and have sex again, I'm under no illusion to the difficult path that lies ahead of me. It would be orders of magnitude easier to just get another dumb 18 year old HS fuck buddy or three and spin them: starting from a solid foundation in terms of frame, while I work on my career and myself, as opposed to trying to fix these things with a woman who, for the vast majority of our relationship has know me to be a pathetic, loser, beta bitch. But, none the less, I'm going to give it my best shot. I'm still young, and if I keep at it, I'm just going to get better and better. If things don't improve to where I want them to be by the time my son is 18/20, I simply blame myself, and next, luckily I am young and have plenty of time.

Things to improve:

This is more for me than for you. I have slipped up a lot in my journey, but each time I resolve to try and fix and better myself as soon as possible: 3 steps forward, 1 step back.

  • Continue reading the material. Have, NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG need to read and internalise.

*Work on my organisation: have a plan for each week and stick to it. My life is an unstructured mess and that needs to change, no more just doing things when I can remember them: have a plan.

  • Continue working out, graduate from starting strength to 5x5 stronglifts

  • Study game theory, work on confidence and SMV

  • Quit the porn addiction, especially the extreme stuff. Quitting porn is one of the most difficult things I've ever tried, and I've tried a few times. Lack of sex doesn't help, but the strange thing is that even after jerking off, if I haven't done it with porn, I'm still bloody horny and feel like I haven't gotten my fix. At least quit the degenerate shit.

  • Learn to cook. My goal here is to cook everything for the week in one sitting, organise them into tupperware containers and either store them in the fridge or freezer. Would save on a lot of dishes, and time spent cooking. Good way to stick to a proper diet too.

  • Eat more. Eat regularly.

  • Develop new, better, positive circles of friends.

  • Learn new work related stuff. Useful stuff that will progress my career.

  • Get to sleep on time.

Closing thoughts:

I apologise if this is not the correct place to post this, however I'm not aware of an alternative. If anyone wishes to comment, feel free.

Edit: formatting, spelling, grammar.