I'm a 40 year Dutch guy. I've come a long fucking way to better myself. I quit drinking & smoking. I've lost 20 kg's and added muscles to my frame. It's new and weird to hear girls say I look good. My self image is lagging behind. I guess I have good genetics as people judge me being 30 years or younger. Started climbing indoor three years ago and loving it. I have been plagued with lower back-pain in my sleep since maybe 20 years. No longer because of lifting at home. I lift using a body-weight fitness program and my squat rack. I traveled to remote places on my bicycle I thought only those kind of men do. I teach kids to climb and having so much fun with it, I'm re-schooling myself to become a teacher. In three years I'm ready and prospects for work are good.

I come from a clinical depression. I took up therapy among a wide array of improvements in every aspect of my life to beat my depression. I can say I'm depression free and I don't recall feeling so free and content as today. But still, my frame is not the strongest. I'm ruffled more than I like and have the tendency to take things personal. I know this and I am acutely aware of it. And I am working on it with my coach, teaching kids and in interactions with women. But it is a lot of fail and miss. And progress is slow, it feels like reprogramming a bugged old computer.

The one thing that is weighing on my shoulders is my view on my future. I wish to connect with a decent woman to start a family with. But the more I date, the bleaker that outcome seems. I'm wondering if my chances are, for a lack of a better word, workable.

I'm looking for a success story or the harsh truth.