Weddings - worth the cost?

stacysmom40 · 2018-08-30T01:10:16+00:00

Our wedding was probably in the $40k range if you include the rings and the dress. We have great memories of an awesome party to celebrate our love. If you can afford it, why not?

One of the ladies that attended our wedding recently got engaged and is insisting that I help her plan her wedding (I’m so happy to do it). She said our wedding was the best she’s ever attended.

I think going into debt for a wedding is a bad idea. Throwing a great party that you can afford is totally fine.

HB3234 · 2018-08-30T02:28:39+00:00

If it's not presenting financial hardship, have the wedding you and your fiance want. The reason extravagant affairs are linked to divorce is either (a) goimg into debt and the subsequent pressures; (b) caring about appearances more than the core of your relationship; (c) using a big wedding to mask a troubled relationship (same couple that later has a baby to try to fix something); or some combination there-of. If it's within your means and you both want it, it poses no risk to your relationship.

HappySoutherner · 2018-08-30T01:58:02+00:00

Honestly for NJ, I would be surprised if you could get a lavish wedding done for 40k. That is probably 20k below average for Jersey.

If you could afford it and are not going to go into debt, do what you like. Don’t turn into a nightmare human being just because it is your wedding and remember to treat people, including your fiancé with kindness and respect and you will be fine.

lalabats · 2018-08-30T01:00:44+00:00

Wow 40k is a lot! I thought our wedding was extravagant at 15K and 250 attendees lol. Many people in my family have gotten married for under 1K so I heard a lot of those old wives tales. As long as you and your Fiance know what's in your heart and you both have no qualms spending the money, go for it! Y'all will be fine.

GiveMeYourCupcakes · 2018-08-30T02:03:35+00:00

First off, congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! :)

If you can afford it/not go into any form of credit card or loan debt, and your fiance and both of your families are on board, go for it! You and your fiance have a kick butt party! It is perfectly alright to spend if the rest of your financial affairs are in order. That being said, only throw a party if it's within your means. I would recommend setting a "ball park" budget. Doesn't have to be too tightly detailed, just something that you have in mind to keep you grounded from going way above and beyond what you'd be happy with.

Destination is always an option too. My fiance and I are getting married at a resort in Riviera Maya this spring with a second reception in our home town during the summer. We have the same guest list for each event, and so far we have about 45 people coming down to the actual wedding which is pretty cool. When everything is all said and done with the dress, church, two receptions, marimba band, etc. It will be around 30k. But the big thing is all parties involved are comfortable with the budget, and everything is being paid for with cash. We already own a house that's pretty much paid down, so we figured that we'd spend a little more on the wedding.

Expensive weddings cause issues when folks go into debt, and wind up married with a huge loan over their head while trying to save up for a house or have 70k left of grad school to pay off. This naturally causes stress and money fights...which is one of the top reasons for divorce.

Hartley7 · 2018-08-30T03:30:58+00:00

We eloped. There were many mishaps that day and my parents didn't speak to us for one year. They are very traditional and I'm the only daughter. At first, I regretted our elopement so much that we planned an elaborate vow renewal. Eventually, I came to my senses and realized that a wedding is not a marriage.

My elopement taught my parents that we will do as we please and they should not interfere unless they want to be left out. We would have had a family wedding but my mother was being way too pushy and controlling. After she spread rumors about my husband and I and kept screaming at us, we decided that we didn't need that negativity around us on our special day. I'm glad that my mother was not present.

Too many women focus on the glamour of one day so much that they end up marrying the wrong men. This many not be the case with you but it's worth mentioning.

If you can afford a big wedding, then go ahead and pay for it. It's your money and you're the one who decides what to do with your income. If the price tag is too high, you can always have a scaled down 20K wedding. Restaurant receptions are becoming more popular and they cost less.

I knew a woman whose wedding cost 80K. Her ring was 20K and her dress was 15K. She and her husband used their retirement savings for a down payment on a house. LOL Ridiculous!

thatbadlarry · 2018-08-30T01:05:07+00:00

Nope not worth it. We eloped and it was great. Married on the beach with a justice of the peace and 2 friends of ours. My only regrets are that we didn’t dress up (even a little) or get any professional pictures done. We spent $200. I don’t feel like we missed out that much. It’s a failed marriage at this point (14 years later) and if I ever get married again it will be a simple and frugal wedding.
The idea of spending a house downpayment on one day would stress me out too much to actually enjoy it.

Hammocknapping · 2018-08-30T02:49:11+00:00

Yes, it is absolutely worth it. I get the financial part not being a big deal, but I understand that others may have a vastly different perspective.

If you can pay for it in cash (which should actually be all on rewards cards FYI, we basically did our honeymoon alll in points!) then it’s worth it to throw a huge, fun party to get everyone together and thank them for everything they’ve done.

I don’t regret a thing. Also the thought that all men hate weddings and think they are poor investments is total bologna. My husband loved planning the wedding together and thinking of new ideas together.

takeyourvitam · 2018-08-30T07:58:56+00:00

Take this as an opportunity to bond as a couple: do thinks that have meaning for both of you, to show how you care for each other preferences/taste/dreams... and maybe you want to try to approach this milestone of your shared life as the first real opportunity to see how you work together: which things you need to decide between you, which ones you manage as individuals,learn how to listen to your future husband's needs and likes and show him that you see him as the "captain" of the family you are about to build, show him what things makes you happy or you always dreamed about, and for the part that worries you, this is a great time to learn how to manage life together without going over your possibilities, working on a nice,logical budget and still living fulfilling experiences that will become fond memories.

Do what makes you feel happy,secure, and alive!

Congratulations on your marriage, i wish you both many merry years to come.

jackandjill22 · 2018-08-30T09:19:52+00:00

Congratulations.

JustScrollOnward · 2018-08-30T09:35:38+00:00

it’s common to want to have a baby after getting married and to want to stay home with that baby. I wouldn’t spend any more on a wedding than it would tie me down to a job and keep me from starting a family. That said, I see nothing wrong with an expensive wedding. Ours was 20-20k in the Midwest. It was a beautiful night and friends still comment that it was one of the most fun receptions they had been to.

The reception we saw as time to celebrate with friends and family. It is all about attitude I believe. We cared far more about the marriage than the wedding itself. I didn’t agonize over details or anything that went wrong. I was just so excited to marry my groom! It was the best day ever. It’s so exciting to celebrate your commitment with friends and family.

But i will say I come from again a more traditional belief system and I do think that makes a difference in the excitement of the affair. We don’t believe in divorce or sex before marriage, so marriage is truly entering into a lifelong commitment that is new and exciting and beautiful. It’s not just an expensive party- it’s a celebration.

I would focus far more on the vows you make and the marriage prep. Marriage is self sacrifice every day. You will see the worst of your spouse and yet you still have to love him because you promised him you would till you die :)

[deleted] · 2018-08-30T22:51:13+00:00

If it's doable for you and it's what you both want, then go nuts! A wedding is not a marriage and vice versa. Only how you and your husband act after the wedding will determine its success.

We had a big wedding and we don't regret it at all. We spent a lot of money, but not so much that we went into debt. It was amazing. It was so special to throw an incredible party for all of our friends and family who helped us over our lives. We treated it as both a celebration and consolidation of our love, and also a gift of gratitude to our loved ones. We talk about it all the time and it's such a fond memory for us.

A good wedding is not necessary for a good marriage, but if you can manage it and it feels important to you then it's a beautiful way to celebrate love.

la_scozzese · 2018-09-10T20:38:18+00:00

If it’s in your means you should feel free to spend as much or as little as you want.

EGOtyst · 2018-08-30T01:23:22+00:00

One night. One. Night.

It's absolutely not worth it. Not in the slightest.

Ask yourself this: if there was not a wedding, would you pay $40k for your friends and family to have fun?

Elope. For God's sake, elope.

$40k is a down payment on a house for Christ's sake.

Ask ANY man if it's a good idea. They well tell you no. You want to give your husband a great wedding gift? Well, 40 thousand dollars is a great fucking gift.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2018-08-30T08:49:22+00:00

I would rather have a cheaper wedding but a bigger safety net. Generally the people I know who had cheap weddings were more likely to go the distance, and there is some evidence in studies of that.

However, I am broke, and always have been. Our wedding cost £550 in 2003. I'd have spent a little more if we'd be able to, but not much!

You do you though :) your money and your wedding is your own business. Don't waste energy worrying about the cost, use that energy for building a long, happy marriage.

DoctorNini · 2018-08-30T10:17:29+00:00

This always weirds me out about weddings in the US. I am from the Netherlands, and my husband and I spend 7k. An expensive wedding here would be about 15k, but more than that would be considered overspending.

Things we saved on were a big dinner (we had dinner with just our parents) and a big party (only 30 of our best friends). I am still happy about that choice, because it gave us the time to spend time with everyone at the party. At the reception (120 guests) I just felt like I was running to talk to everyone, and would still only see them for 5 minutes. So if I had to do it again, I would still make the same choice. And if we would have had a much bigger budget, I would have spend that on the honeymoon instead of the wedding.

Just make sure you spend money on things that matter to you. If that adds up to 40k and you and your fiance are both fine with that, then go ahead. :)

threefishies · 2018-08-31T02:57:51+00:00

My husband is 33 and I am 26 and we have a young child, and we opted for a very inexpensive wedding (Other than the 2,3k rings for me as per his wish if not demand though) because we wanted to pull the trigger on a little baby as quickly as possible. I would never say we regret it bc we met later in life and together chose building a larger family as a priority, but had we met earlier... We would have had a larger wedding, because it unfortunately hurt a lot of people we are close to that we eloped. I would consider that as an argument when you pick- we married earlier than we ''should'' have afforded, and it hurt people, BUT we met older and wanted as many kids as we could afford before we turn a certain age which has yet to be determined, so we compromised.

If we had met earlier, we would have had a great party with those we love to celebrate our love. If you are in this position, see this as your permission to do so if you are looking for one and your husband and you are on the same page. :)

reddishrobin · 2018-09-05T05:53:28+00:00

OMG what a ridiculous price for a one day party. That's an expensive new car or a house deposit.

Title	Weddings - worth the cost?
Author	i_have_a_semicolon
Upvotes	16
Comments	67
Date	August 30, 2018 12:55 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/9bf1ui/weddings_worth_the_cost/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/weddings-worth-the-cost.208390 https://theredarchive.com/post/208390