Baby at 42?

dashdotdott · 2018-02-04T06:53:21+00:00

Your chances of falling pregnant at 42 are very, very low. The reason we see it happening so often with celebs is because they can afford to buy the best IVF treatments, best sperm and best (young) eggs. Getting pregnant naturally with your own eggs at 42 is possible, but only just.

It's not a comfortable reality but the fact is that our bodies are not made to conceive naturally for very long. The younger you have a child, the more likely it is to be healthy and for the pregnancy to go well.

HappyLollie · 2018-02-03T23:32:55+00:00

I think it's quite strange to wait so long personally but seems to pretty common these days I had my first child last year at 25 and the way people reacted you would've thought I was a teenage mother not that me and fiancé have been together for 6 years, have a home and financially stable! I think because a lot women are so focused on their careers and having as much 'fun' as they can they let time pass them by and before they know it their 40, single and childless.

--cunt · 2018-02-04T22:06:57+00:00

I remember listening to a doctor on the radio talk about fertility and age, and she said just because people (typo) live a lot longer than we used to doesn't mean we should wait a long time to have kids. She said peak time for a healthy child is late teens into 20s. 30 was elevated risk, with each added year increasing risk of complications and birth defects. Also, there is no right time for kids. When you're young, there's energy, but not much money. When you're older, there's money, but not much energy.

velvetcade · 2018-02-04T00:29:51+00:00

My mother had my youngest brother at 42, and he was in fact the largest and healthiest baby out of all of us. I never felt that she struggled raising him, but I also acknowledge that we're upper-middle class in a culture where live-in childminders are the norm. I think that if you have the means to have a baby at 42, go ahead. I don't understand how it could be social suicide? Can you please clarify?

HammockSwingin · 2018-02-04T17:39:35+00:00

As most of the ladies here have said it’s unhealthy for the baby at that age. It increases the risk of developmental issues.

However when I told this to my SO (I’m 26 he’s 37) he said “then we will deal with it if it happens”. So it’s up to the two people deciding to have babies for sure how much of a risk they’re willing to take.

2018-02-04T20:42:33+00:00

As most people have said, the ideal time to have babies is in your 20s. Of course, we don't live in an ideal world. Our economy is such that it takes longer and longer for people to get married, establish themselves in stable jobs, and buy homes. So, many women postpone having babies. I was 32 when I had my first, and I have friends who waited even longer.

I don't think it particularly helps to shame women who wait until their 40s, though. Or to make assumptions about them. In Uma Thurman's case, she may well have conceived naturally. I know a few women who had unplanned babies in their mid 40s; it's rare but not impossible.

Hartley7 · 2018-02-08T03:34:40+00:00

I don't think it's wise to start having babies after 40. Even pregnancy after 35 comes with many risks for the mother and baby. Biology doesn't care about feminism.

2018-02-05T21:40:53+00:00

I'm 27 (husband is 32) and my first baby is due in April. I'm the first of my friends close to my age to have a baby. I have a few friends in their early to mid-30's who already have kids.

It isn't common to have babies before 30 in our circle and I've dealt with some criticism about my age (as well as not working) but I'm positive we made the right decision for us/our family. I originally wanted to wait until ~30 but that would have put my husband at 35 when we had our first child (assuming I got pregnant right away). Health and fertility were also important factors.

We want to raise our kids ourselves, I can't imagine having much energy or the drive to deal with children in our late 40's-early 50's. I'd like to be around for my grandchildren too. We're also very fortunate to be in a position to be able to afford to start our family now (not because of anything special on our part, either). We don't have student loans, our house is paid off, etc. I'm including this because I realize it isn't an easy decision like some make it out to be, my situation is unique and I'm not naive enough to think it's like this for everyone. We all know what the science says about fertility but unfortunately most people have to weigh that against several other factors, financial stability being a big one.

However, I worry all of the attention surrounding older celebrities having babies might give regular people a false sense of security. It's possible to have healthy babies in your 40's but the risks for things like miscarriage and disabilities increase significantly whether we like it or not. Even with fertility treatments and younger eggs there are still increased risks, it's just not the same as conceiving naturally at a younger age.

Ultimately, nobody needs my stamp of approval on their life choices. It isn't my place to judge. I have no idea what other people have going on and it might make more sense to wait in some cases (like situations where the couple isn't financially stable until later, for example).

ladycheri · 2018-02-07T21:08:48+00:00

My MIL had my husband at 42. I don't think she necessarily planned it that way. There were many miscarriages and stillbirths before he was conceived. It was a stressful birth for her. But I believe in the end it has helped to keep her young. She is an active and healthy 80 year old.

beauty2991grace · 2018-02-03T23:24:22+00:00

My mother had me at 38, so I may be a bit biased, but I think there is nothing wrong with it if you have good intentions and are in very good health. She was very committed to prenatal care during the pregnancy. Considering how far medicine has come, I think having children older is safer than it used to be, especially if the mother takes care of herself appropriately.

kekerae · 2018-02-03T23:25:07+00:00

I had my 1st child at 26 and my second at 28 and we might be finished our family. I feel awesome about the fact that I may have had all my babies before I was even 30 and that they can have some of my healthiest years. Parenting is exhausting and sleep can be scarce. I don't want to have to struggle through my 40's with pregnancy and toddlers, etc. My husband is also older than me so me waiting until my late 30's or beyond to have kids would have really put him in that "old dad" territory.

JustScrollOnward · 2018-02-27T06:33:47+00:00

Nothing wrong with having a child in your 40s but I do think it gives false hope to a lot of people who WILL struggle if they wait until then to begin having children.

2018-02-04T05:40:11+00:00

My mama was 43 when she had me. I love her dearly but she didn't live to see her grandchildren. I do wish my parents had been younger but she was a great mother. I had my children before the age of 30 and am so grateful I did. Now I will be only in my 40's when they become adults and hopefully they will have children reasonably young so I may become a grandma and see my grandkids grow. I do not think it is more or less social suicide to have children at any age though. I am sure I am going to be dying to have more children when my kids are older but I am sure glad to be done with sleepless nights and diapers and be only 31! As an aside I think you hit the nail on the head when you asked if it was a practise for the wealthy.

maulyaface · 2018-02-04T07:22:14+00:00

Even WITH money to try to delay having a family until one's forties, the likelihood of success can still be very low! (Not to mention potential birth defects/health complications for baby and the mother, as other users have posted.)

Take this woman, for example.

ayogyrh · 2018-02-04T22:44:24+00:00

A co-worker of mine had a child at 42 by accident. She had previously had her tubes cut, tied, and burned. They grew back after 12 years. He's a sweet and healthy 4 year old now. There are definitely increased risks but there's so many ways to live a life and sometimes...life happens to you.

teaandtalk · 2018-02-04T00:38:33+00:00

The red pill view (as far as I see it) would be that waiting until an advanced age and using fertility treatments (which most of those celebrities would be doing) is fighting biology and to the detriment of the family unit.

[Edit] does that mean it's wrong? Look, if a healthy 42yo conceives naturally, or with interventions, and is able to get genetic screening done, and has the social support network for healthy childrearing, then it's not a huge deal. But I think that, as a whole, it's irresponsible to wait and get pregnant when there are much more risks than there would have been if you'd done it when you were at your childrearing prime.

dashdotdott · 2018-02-04T06:20:27+00:00

If I recall correctly, women experience a spike in fertility just before menopause. So babies at ~40 is not so uncommon. There is no reason for a child born at this age to be any more disabled than other kids. The problem is when people only start to try to have kids at this age (as opposed to having kids before and then a second 'litter' at this age). Because if there are any fertility issues (which is fairly common), there is less than time and options to deal with it.

TL;DR - if you already have kids, having more kids at ~40 is nbd, not having kids and trying to start a family at ~40 is a bad idea.

2018-02-05T23:50:58+00:00

tempintheeastbay · 2018-02-04T03:25:59+00:00

If you can take care of that child, no matter what medical issues it might have due to your more advanced age, then you do you. And yes... that does take a lot of money.

lapetitefleur89 · 2018-02-05T20:50:47+00:00

It is definitely true that a woman's body will go "back in childbearing mode" easier than it will "start childbearing mode" at 40+. I am traditional Catholic. That means no birth control whatsoever. Not NFP; nothing. I live in a town with many other like-minded women. Having children past 40 is completely normal. If you are in good health, you will ovulate until 50+. I know many women with more than a dozen children who started in early 20's and are birthing children now well into their 40's. One, recently, at 48. Of course, chances of conceiving are lessened drastically due to both the mother and father (sperm does not move as fast with age, also). I read somewhere that 18 was the ideal time (physically) for childbearing. My midwife also told me the easiest birth she ever witnessed was a 16 year old girl. It sure is interesting!

Title	Baby at 42?
Author	TradJenna
Upvotes	11
Comments	59
Date	February 3, 2018 10:46 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/7v2px4/baby_at_42/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/baby-at-42.208594 https://theredarchive.com/post/208594