Housewives and Homemakers of RPW: How do you respond to negativity?

laurenkk · 2017-02-18T02:42:31+00:00

At this point, those around me know that I want to stay at home and raise our future children. I generally just let them voice their opinions, let them know that I've heard them, and then let them know that my goal is to raise our children, because they are OURS - not the babysitter/nanny/au pair/daycares, they're ours. We're creating them, we're the ones responsible for how they turn out. If you're comfortable with letting your children be raised by someone who may or may not be a stranger, then by all means, go for it. As for us, we'd prefer to have more of an impact in the lives we plan to create.

WildFireRose · 2017-02-18T06:16:39+00:00

As a housewife and not a mother, I have gotten a lot of negative comments from women. They'll make snide remarks about the fact that I don't have kids and as such, can't possibly justify being a housewife.

It seems to come from a place a jealousy and misunderstanding. They think housewives just sit at home and watch TV all day, instead of cleaning, budgeting, cooking, paying bills and numerous other things to help their husbands. That's not to mention the various other throngs I do to better myself as a person, wife and possible future mother.

[deleted] · 2017-02-18T12:56:34+00:00

I like to be as sassy as possible, usually people have a laugh.

What do you do? Whatever I want, all day. It's phenomenal. Living the dream. 10/10 would recommend!

We chuckle and then I say something like, "Yeah we budget so that I can get all of the errands and such done during the day, so that we can spend what little time my hubs has off work together. When we both worked we barely saw each other! Basically just when we were sleeping, haha. I'm working on upping my cooking skills right now, so that's been keeping me pretty busy. Trying not to burn down the house ;) haha

Usually people jive off whatever I left off on "yeah I suck at cooking" or "ooooh what are you learning to make?" Or maybe even commiserating about errands.

If someone is still being super rude, I default to "I like it. Works well for my family/husband and I.

ThatStepfordGal · 2017-02-18T11:44:48+00:00

Oh Feminists and women empowering, the irony.

Be what you want but only if it's not within a traditional mindset.

ThatStepfordGal · 2017-02-18T14:49:57+00:00

IRL I don't give people enough information about me to respond negatively. I feel them out first, I get to know them first. I surround myself with women who don't feel negatively about SAHMs

People like to judge, people like to give advice/opinion/unsolicited word vomit. If you don't give them ammo it's harder for them to gossip about you later.

Cultivate a don't-give-a-fuck attitude.

Though I will say "Housewife" has some serious connotation behind it. I'm not surprised people respond that way when you use that word. Additionally, you may come across as condescending to those that choose to work. Maybe they feel judged by you so they respond defensively, or negatively. For example, when people ask if I'll be going back to work I say something more fun like: "No, I'm so fortunate to have a husband who will allow me to stay home and spoil him with a garden and clean house. I'm a lucky girl!" It's about attitude, it's about saying -- look at what a blessing it is that I can choose to stay at home. I'm not a "housewife" I'm a mom who will be working at home to grow food and children.

Aitikulta · 2017-02-21T07:47:06+00:00

I tend to shut down any discrimination by turning it back to feminism if that's the angle they started with... for example "Oh wow... you went to college and had a career but now your a housewife..?" I then say "Yes, I'm so grateful that women have so many choices now a days and that I was able to choose to stay home with my kids since it's what's best for our family." I normally follow it up with a big smile and gush about my kids and loving being able to spend so much time with them. I also then switch have the conversation back to the asker and ask them neutral questions or switch to "I LOVE your (pick item they are wearing) it's soooooo pretty! It really complements your eyes!"

As for negativity I just state that we love it, are much happier this way and explain that we are grateful to have the opportunity to do this. I refuse to engage and will not be bated into petty arguments because someone has issues with my lifestyle. It's tough but just remember to smile and it's like our mothers always said. "If someone is making fun of something you have its likely because they're jealous!" :)

LaPrimaVera · 2017-02-18T04:40:22+00:00

I'm currently looking to go back to work after 6 months at home taking care of everything for my man (shout out to anyone in Aus looking for someone to work in banking/ finance). The biggest criticism I got was people saying I was lazy or questioning if I was after a free ride. I can't say that didn't hurt but as long as my SO and I are happy that's all that matters. I would tell them the reasons and anyone who didn't accept it, I'd politely excuse myself. I did get a lot of questions from random people about what I did, did I have a day off from work etc. I just told them I was a housewife and kept walking when they gave me the stunned "but you have your whole career ahead of you" speal. The people who are affected by my actions are my SO and myself, anyone else does not get a say.

ThatStepfordGal · 2017-02-18T23:12:42+00:00

Are you sort of trying to get a rise out of people, when you talk about being a homemaker? I mean, we all know it's a controversial issue, so the question is, when you have these talks with your colleagues, do you want to find common ground, or do you want to start a debate?

When people ask me what I do, of course I say that I'm a stay at home mom, but that's not all I say. I tell them about my hobbies, my writing projects, my cooking experiments. That usually starts a friendly conversation-- whereas just saying I'm a SAHM tends to stop the conversation. Maybe that's a shame, but that's how it is. And anyway, being a SAHM isn't the only thing that defines me!

NikoTesla · 2017-03-02T04:01:09+00:00

I only get flak from a few people I know, mainly because I was an engineer so they usually say I "wasted my degree". A lot of women harp on that I don't have children.

Anyway, you know what I do? Make my life epic. I'm not being ridiculous, let me explain:

In my relatively limited "side time" I take lessons at music conservatory, perform in musicals at the local college, sing in a professional choir, my oil paintings sometimes get put up on galleries, I play guitar in a folk band, I run in races, volunteer at an animal shelter, etc.

I invite my friends and family to everything.

Not to be snarky at all, I love their support and want them to be a part of my life. "Come see me perform - I got the lead!" "Let's sneak in flasks to my gallery opening!" "Check out this pic from my marathon - you were photo bombing me!" I'll pit-stop by a friend's house when I'm transporting 30 puppies or kittens so we can play. My husband LOVES all of it and is super supportive, I can sometimes see him tearing up when I'm performing =)

I don't tell them how awesome my life is, I SHOW them. They understand why I made this choice. No one brings up engineering anymore - they're always jealous now ;)

You don't have to explain yourself to anybody.

(and my house is spotless...mostly ;)

ThatStepfordGal · 2017-02-18T13:05:35+00:00

Wow that sass!

I can be pretty sassy too but I like your answers so much better! Can I borrow them? :D

There's so much time and allowance to not only improve yourself but also take such a great care of your SO when you are a homemaker. The word itself says it all, you're not making and maintaining just a physical home, it's an emotional, warm refuge for all the loved ones in your life. There's also less stress between both parties and your relationship can benefit so much from it.

ThatStepfordGal · 2017-02-23T01:44:01+00:00

As a former teacher now housewife, it's hard. I LOVE staying home but I also have ambitions that I want to pursue (from home) as my son gets older. There is definitely an identity crisis that happens when you get absolutely no encouragement that you are doing a good job day in and day out like you do in a job (well, sort of with teaching). But I've never even considered going back to work. First of all, I would never make enough money as a teacher to justify the stress and childcare. Second of all, it's amazing to spend all my time with my son. I really love motherhood.

There is this cultural movement out there that staying home isn't enough, and I think it's part of the reason you say housewives selling things on the side. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's hard to be content with being a homemaker when the rest of the world is saying "you have the right to choose that" with this subtle subtext of "but it's not like you are doing anything important." You just have to stay strong and know you are doing important work by raising a family. I'm sure you have seen as a teacher how important it is to have strong family units...future generations depend on this.

cats_or_get_out · 2017-02-19T21:20:48+00:00

How do you respond to negativity? You try to understand them and not take things personally.

They, like you, have no experience as housewives. It's all conjecture. They're thinking worst case scenario, and you're thinking of the best case scenario. Most of the time it's neither.

Will your career suffer? Sure, but I won't be in my deathbed lamenting it (I am a SAHM currently.) Will be you be bored? Yes. Life is sometimes boring and tedious. Plus, if you're bored, you can always fix that with social activities, volunteering, books, etc. :-)

No one ever says, "You're looking for work? But won't you be so bored? God, you're gonna hate Mondays." Hahaha. Let's face it. Work can suck, too.

I think we take offense at things we feel vulnerable about. It provides a good opportunity for self-examination and reflection. They probably mean well, as do you, but ultimately, you will not know if it will live up to its promise until you live the life. I think being a SAHM is awesome, but I also think it is not without its challenges and drawbacks.

Title	Housewives and Homemakers of RPW: How do you respond to negativity?
Author	ThatStepfordGal
Upvotes	19
Comments	55
Date	February 18, 2017 2:18 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/5uq9b4/housewives_and_homemakers_of_rpw_how_do_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/housewives-and-homemakers-of-rpw-how-do-you.209106 https://theredarchive.com/post/209106