In your relationship, what are your "Blessings In Disguise"?

BellaScarletta · 2017-02-06T22:19:48+00:00

The birth of my grandchild. It was the worst possible situation and was chaotic and tore the family apart for two years. She is amazing and funny and smart and just seeing her rain boots by the door makes me grin.

BellaScarletta · 2017-02-06T22:14:16+00:00

I'm a very methodical, organised type of person. I'm always on time, I'm reliable, I don't take on a project unless I'm absolutely sure I can see it through and finish it well.

My SO is... different to me in this way. He's always got a zillion projects on the go and will gladly drop something half way through to jump on something else. Everything gets done in the end but it means that life and the house are pretty chaotic at times. Last night I was trying to clean the kitchen and ended up covered in a lovely mix of molasses from the beer he was brewing and some kind of plaster powder he was using to put a manhole in the ceiling. It was gross and annoying.

But, the endgame is that we can now get into the roof and plan our renovations, and have crates of delicious home made beer and cider (a special, extra dry, low carb apple cider that he made just for me to enjoy even while on keto). He's jumping into all these projects that I would just put off indefinitely for being too hard/too messy/just not the "right time". Sometimes you just need to start things and trust that you'll figure it out along the way, or risk becoming stagnant.

I think we've got a really great mix where he drives us forward and I keep the fort running smoothly while he does so.

BellaScarletta · 2017-02-06T21:27:56+00:00

My husband is so so so slow. He does everything slowly (except drive in the rain, which makes me a nervous wreck). He's saved my butt countless times by taking the time to actually pay attention. One time I almost walked away with someone else's luggage because the attendant had called out the name and it sounded just like mine. Husband took the time to look at the tag, while I huffed and puffed, and saw that it was almost my last name but with a "T" instead of a "D."

StingrayVC · 2017-02-06T22:56:53+00:00

My husband has a force of will that is unstoppable. When we first married, it drove me crazy and I didn't deal with it well. But, that force of will has driven me to accomplish things and grow in ways that I never knew that I was capable of. I am eternally grateful for it.

littleeggwyf · 2017-02-07T12:14:59+00:00

I think there's two things really, his utterly stubborn determination and his willingness to fight for things.

When we first got together, sometimes his inflexibility would cause friction because he doesn't ever bend his rules, and it bothered me that he would 'judge' me if I didn't act like he thought I should. If I said I slacked off because I was cross with my boss his eyes and face told the story that he wasn't happy even though he wouldn't tell me off. Sometimes with parenting his approach leads to him butting heads with a toddler when I might be able to smooth things over. But actually it's incredibly encouraging when someone like that is proud of you, you know he really means it and that has worked for our daughter as well, she really tries hard when he says "make me proud" and she knows the rules very clearly.

His willingness to fight was quite hard for me because I'm not aggressive at all and I find it very intimidating in a man when they get loud. We don't argue very often, and he doesn't shout at home, but when things got bad for his workplace in the recession he really fought hard to resist some actions of his employer and was very passionate about fighting things. I found it tough to support him, because I feared retaliation and it went so much against my nature. That side of him, the willingness to take on the world was a bit alien to me because it was never directed at me, so I didn't really know him like that.

(Since then, I've heard stories of how fearless he was as a child, standing up to much bigger kids (and even teachers) and even stuff as an adult where he took on problems to fix them, but generally he's incredibly calm, patient and thoughtful, unless provoked!)

The willingness to fight has been a virtue though, and he's been my rock through some really horrible times because he just looks for how to beat a situation and get to where he wants to be, so it help me be stronger because I know he will be there to support me :)

BellaScarletta · 2017-02-06T20:33:50+00:00

My answer (that inspired this question!):

I had a very difficult family situation with my brother yesterday, it's been going on for a long time and will likely continue as well. Ultimately I am at a place where I need to set boundaries, step back, and accept whatever outcome comes to pass is not something I can control. That being said, it was a very involved day yesterday with too many family members engaging and a lot of back-and-forths, trying to reach peace, and more than one "well, this took a turn for the worse." Not fun at all.

All day I was so distressed at having to tell R about it when he returned home from work. In part this is because he's my brother's best friend and has different, but equally personal, stakes in the matter...But mostly. it's because I knew he would not hesitate to tell me where I was in the wrong. He would never "be on my side" if it wasn't deserved, and he would absolutely be a mirror of reason to which I would have to hold my actions and words accountable. I knew he was going to offer a fresh perspective that I would value no matter what, but I would also have to come to terms with anything he indicated was wrong or unfair of me to say.

When he came home and was able to get all sides of what happened and read the exchanges and understand exactly how everything came to pass....I basically melted when he told me was really proud of how maturely I handled everything, and that if other parties want to play the role of martyrs then there was nothing that could be done beyond my attempts that were clearly coming from a place of love and good will.

I realized in that moment exactly how unbelievably grateful I am for R in the fact that he approaches things so detached and fairly. It means a lot that I can trust him to tell me "you were in the wrong here, go do what you need to do to fix the situation", but also how much I can believe his words when I know he genuinely means "You did the best you could and I'm proud." since he would never simply pay me lip service.

That's a characteristic of him that, while at times unpleasant, adds a lot of value to my life and I am very appreciative to have!!

Title	In your relationship, what are your "Blessings In Disguise"?
Author	BellaScarletta
Upvotes	18
Comments	11
Date	February 6, 2017 8:28 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/5sgp01/in_your_relationship_what_are_your_blessings_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/in-your-relationship-what-are-your-blessings-in.209143 https://theredarchive.com/post/209143