For the past three years, my husband hasn't been interested in talking about having a baby without the conversation being very tense. (I have backed off for the past year and a half, and we talk about it once every three months.) We talked about having kids when we were dating and the first years of marriage. Since then I discovered--and also have worked through--chronic health issues, to the point of remission. DH is mostly nervous because he thought I wouldn't be able to have children, and he thought that he would have to take care of the childcare duties if we were to have kids.
That was then, and then was before I discovered RPW and RPWi. He was cooking some and cleaning some then, and our expectations for our home life were lower to allow for my lack of energy and health. But I have spent this last long period of time improving myself--inside and out. Appearance, respect, kindness, cooking a bit more (and wanting to take on more), and intimacy. I also have helped him transition into a better position at work, which has been difficult for him but overall makes him happier.

We agreed about eleven months ago to have one or two kids only. He is not excited about it, but he is willing to have one at least.

I feel uneasy about this agreement because he is not enthused. Mostly because I wonder if he will lose interest and check out emotionally. He is, at times, an anxious person, so I think he will be able to enjoy fatherhood--as long as he makes it his own and isn't pressured to be like other fathers.

Here are my questions for you RPWives.

  • Should I take his word for it, and just say what I want? Which would be, "I want to start trying"?

  • As per Laura Doyle, should I let him brood and let him come to terms emotionally without interfering?

  • How should I act when I am pregnant? What I mean is, should I do extra in order to reassure him of my abilities and desire to have children?

  • Should I just not talk about pregnancy stuff or baby stuff at all with him through the whole 9+ months?

  • Should I pretty much think that I should expect my first baby to be my only one, just in case?

  • Should I totally walk the line with my SMV and bring that up to top-notch?

In the "olden" days before birth control, I guess that men who got married expected that by sleeping with their wives, they would accept that a child would be born sometime thereafter. These days, men have the ability to not have to have children.

Yet here's the deal--we talked about children before we got married quite intentionally. I would be utterly heartbroken if I didn't have one child. I feel a strong need to be caring for family, and I am an aunt and all that. But when you get older, people start spending time with their kids and grandkids. And I might really be unhappy with my relationship with DH if we did not have one. Plus, I am 32. Time is ticking.

Does anyone understand? I come to you women because you are exactly the type of women who will both understand and be honest. I'm hoping for your advice!

TL;DR: I'm worried about proceeding with trying to have a baby with my apprehensive but willing husband. How do I approach this as a good RPWi?

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