This is not a traditional Field Report per se, but it's certainly more an FR than any other thread flair. It is actually a compilation of direct quotes, accompanied by only a small amount of context to set the stage.

I will offer a few words at the end, but primarily I'd just like it to fuel some discussion in the vein of this comment by /u/onacasserole in the Random RP Thoughts thread.

These are conversations largely between my mom (M) and her husband (A) throughout the weekend they helped R and I move into our new place. R and I (B) are also peppered into the interactions.

This is the epitome of a non-RP dynamic, and entirely what I was turning into before I found this sub. It may not be pleasant, but it is pretty fascinating (albeit morbidly so).


Parents just arrived in town and parked in my apartment's main complex lot - after greetings:

A: Alright so let's get our car with the trailer unloaded with our personal belongings, and put those into your car and get closer to your apartment to unload. We can leave the trailer here overnight.

M: What? I thought we agreed we would just meet here and then have B show us the way to find a spot closer to her apartment where we can park the trailer.

(To be fair, that was the plan)

A: Yeah I think it will be too hard to navigate the complex and find an open spot, and this is a good place to leave it. Lets just leave it here and get our personal bags out. starts unloading car

(M keeps talking to me about old plan, ignoring A)

A: Uh hello, am I doing this alone? Can you help?

(I start unloading things)

A: Okay M, just stand there then. We can do this alone.

M: This wasn't the plan. It doesn't make sense.

B: It's fine, let's just get it taken care of.

(M begrudgingly starts unloading/loading)

A: Okay, only one person can fit in B's car, two have to walk.

B: Why don't you drive it, A? I should walk with someone so you guys actually find the unit, and if I give you directions to my parking spot I know you won't get lost.

A: No you just drive it to your spot. I know this complex. I'll walk your mom and I over.

B: Alrighty.

(me waiting at my building and my mom calls)

M: We can't find the building.

B: Shit, I don't know the complex that well. I can't really give good directions. Uh...it's one of the buildings by the pool? I don't know...I'll stand somewhere visible.

(A is talking in the background about old friends he had who used to live in the complex, and pointing out to my mom different units he's been in)

M: Could you just shut the fuck up? I don't give a shit where Scott or John or Brad or who the fuck ever lived. I'm trying to get us to B's place.

A: We will find it, it's not a big deal.

M: Right and your plans work so well, evidently.


Last day of moving and being in old apartment, coordinating day's plans:

A: If I run over to the old apartment to do repairs, I can empty the fridge and bring the food back here.

B: Ooo! Could you also grab the last pile of 'things to sell/donate'? The fridge and that pile are the only two things we have to get from there. Then we would be done.

A: No, I'm not going there to do your organizing and packing. I'm going over there to do repairs, but I will get fridge things since that's easy.

B: Okay that's fair, thanks for doing that.

M: So you're going to make us go alllllll the way back there to get one small pile when you're going to be there anyway?

A: That's not what I'm going over there for! I'm going there to sand and paint and repair any damage so she gets her security deposit back. I don't even have boxes to put it in.

M: So get a box.

A: You want me to empty one of these things now? No, that will take an hour unless I just dump it out which you won't want me to do.

M: Okay so leave then. What was even the point of this conversation.

A: What? I can do the fridge?? That was the point, I'm trying to--

M: And I'm trying to end this conversation. Got it? Buh-bye.


My mom and her friend, T, (realtors) volunteered to come down one weekend and reorganize our furniture to maximize space and make our place look great. Conversation between my mom and I while R was at work:

M: So T and I will come down next weekend and spiff this whole place up. I can see a few things we should change but she really has the vision so she will work her magic.

B: Awesome, just talk to R a bit. He's open to you guys doing all that but he wants to make sure his preferences don't get steamrolled in the process. It's his place too, after all.

M: Well if he's going to be micromanaging there's probably not even a point asking T to come down.

B: What? How do you figure? That's not what I said, anyway. He just wants to make sure he likes it.

M: Well there's what he thinks he'll like, and there is what he will actually like. We're going to do the latter.

B: Okay I don't care if one way is objectively better, if he doesn't want it then he doesn't want it. I won't have him feeling like his opinions don't matter in his home, that's ridiculous.

M: Who put that TV stand there? It's so ugly it's giving me cancer.

B: I know, it's awful. Dad gave it to us but it's a higher quality than the one I had. R wanted to use it, I hate it too but he thinks using the better quality makes sense. It's fine.

M: Right. If he thinks that looks good then he doesn't get a vote on decorating at all.

B: Doesn't get a vote?? This is his home! I don't care if wants our couches upside down, he "gets a vote"!

M: That's not how this works.

B: Well that is how healthy--
thinks about implications of what I'm about to say, proceeds to laughing maniacally instead

M: Fine.


Later, my mom talking to R about her same moving plans as above:

R: That all sounds awesome. Just do whatever you want, I won't get involved. Worst case scenario I will move back things I don't like, but I'm totally open to seeing what your ideas are.

M: That sounds great! I'd like to hear what you want to see happen though? Just so I know what you're looking for.

(I'm actually impressed she asked that)

R: I'm just tired of clutter. We were so cramped at our old place I'm still feeling claustrophobic and want the place to feel open.

M: That sounds like a great plan (:

(R leaves the room)

M (to me): I'm just pretending to listen to his preferences, and then when I'm done he will like it anyway and feel like he was included!

(Cue my palm going through my face and out the back of my head)


Conversation between parents sorting their week:

M: When is your next business trip?

A: Monday. Gotta leave before 7am, I'll take one car and just leave it at the airport since you work.

M: I actually have Monday off now, I can drive you?

A: No that's okay, you won't want to wake up that early.

M (eyes turn to slits): I won't want to wake up that early? Despite the fact I wake up nearly every day between 5 and 6 for work? I "won't want to wake up that early"?

A: What? No, I just didn't think you would want to wake up that early if you didn't have to. That's all.
(to me) How did this become an argument?

M: Well considering I do it most days of the week, it seemed like a sarcastic jab at my sleep schedule.
(To be fair, my mom had a really gnarly sleep schedule post-cancer and despite her shit handling of the situation, I do (charitably) see why she could be offended)

B: WHAT IF WE ALL STOP FIGHTING? LETS TRY SOMETHING NEW!


My mom and I out and about, she's telling me about how I should handle some situation with R:

M: So what you need to do is--

B: Mom, god knows I love you but I've spent years reading and learning how not to behave like you in relationships. I don't really need your advice in this arena.

M: ........I can't argue with that.


I'll add additional thoughts in the comments below with everyone else, but I'd like to finish here with the rules of engagement:

My mom is a TERRIBLE wife. She is NOT a terrible mother, friend, neighbor, or person. I am completely fine with comments/analysis about her shortcomings as a partner or anything in that arena. I am not okay with insults or criticisms of the rest of her life. Please just use common sense.