Since I discovered TRP and especially this subreddit, I really tried to work on my ability to just STFU. Coming from a family where my mom nagged my dad until he absolutely loathed her, I on one hand know, how important it is to not be the nagging shrew, but on the other hand have this tendency to nag and throw tantrums over little things.

So while I really tried the last few months to really embrace the STFU method, it did not always work out of course. Like after three times that I did shut up, the fourth time I just could not ignore it and made a scene. But it gets better. Now yesterday evening I had a real Aha-moment, which really helped me to realize how important the STFU method is and what it stands for: Being there for your SO and creating a comfortable surrounding even when times are hard.

So what happened: My husband is currently on a business trip and got a letter from one of his business partners. Since those letters are often important, I wrote him a short text stating that he got a letter. He wrote me back that I should open it and of course it was something important which needed a written answer, so he asked me to draw up a letter and send it (he doesn’t have access to a printer and only has his tablet with him, so he thought it would be easier if I just took care of it).

Now this is not the first time that I wrote a letter in his name, but since my husband is very prone to detail, I sent him the letter via mail to make sure everything was OK the way I wrote it. (Another problem was that he has almost no phone signal in his hotel room which makes it hard to maintain a phone call, so we just communicated via text which made the whole thing more complicated. But we had a call earlier that day in which he told me how exhausting that day has been and how stressed out he was.)

So, I send him the document and it goes back and forth, because he wants this changed and that changed. Well, no problem, but suddenly he texts me:

Sorry, I have no patience for this right now. I’ll try to get access to a printer and a computer tomorrow and just do it by myself.

And that after I just spent half an hour changing this god damn letter a hundred times. I was really close to just writing back something like:

Fine. If you know everything better, then just do it on your own. I’m probably too stupid anyway to write a letter.

But then I simply thought about this situation: Am I really upset? Do I think that he thinks I’m stupid? No, I’m just a bit annoyed. And is this really worth a fight? No, not at all. Plus: I didn’t even have other plans, so this half an hour helping my husband out didn’t somehow bother me in any way and I knew he was irritated because his day was exhausting. I just wanted to get bitchy because it was my first irrational reaction to this. After thinking about all this, I just texted him back:

Sorry, that it takes so long to write this letter. But I know and appreciate how important it is to you to make a good impression when it comes to business. And you’ll be busy with other things tomorrow than to search access to a printer. So bear with me, honey, we’ll be done in a minute :)

We finished that letter in about two minutes after that and he didn’t have to worry about it the next day.

And when we texted good night yesterday, my husband wrote me:

Thank you for everything. Especially for enduring me during hard times. You somehow always manage to make my life easier and cheer me up. I love you.

(And there, my heart melted ;)) By STFU (or rather saying something nice than saying something bitchy) that day ended with a wonderful compliment instead of ending with a fight over nothing. I think that was really an eye opener for me and it will be easier for me in future to just ignore such small, irrelevant irritations.

TL;DR: Husband was stressed out, instead of being bitchy I STFU and was nice, day ended with compliments instead of fighting.