Warning long post ahead

The Submissive Wives’ Guide to Marriage was aired on TLC in 2015. I thought this was a good exercise to post about it like I did for TSS. It is $1.99 on Youtube if you are so inclined to watch it here.

Intro

“If you are a strong woman, you can submit to your man.”

This show revolves around three couples Tim and Tara who are the practicing submissive marriage couple, and Mark and Kristin who are entering submissive marriage couple. T&T are going to mentor M&K on the submissive lifestyle. Eddie and Autumn are a practicing submissive marriage couple.

T&T met in college and have been married for 20 years. They have 2 children. Tara claims that the secret to a happy marriage is really understanding your roles within the home (sound familiar??). Tim feels like it is disrespectful for the woman to lead the household. Only one person gets to lead.

For the first 16 years of their marriage, there was turmoil. The level of respect was lower and she felt like she “didn’t even know if they liked each other”. So in sum, they had a shitty relationship where she admittedly was very selfish and now feels like the change in herself was the catalyst for them to lead a happy life together. She serves her man, she helps her man, she supports her man, and she sleeps with her man.

M&K have been married for 12 years and have two kids also. Mark feels like they need to have a closer and better relationship and didn’t realize that submission was an option for them. Kristin already has this look on her face like “yeah”.

Kristin at the beginning is resentful of moving to Marks small hometown. Refuses to go out of the house much and doesn’t want to do much. She’s on “a little bit of a strike”. You can already tell that she is the furthest away from submission a woman could get. He gets the kids ready for school and he expects her to clean up. She refuses. She gets angry and resentful that there are expectations of her.

HOWEVER, to Kristins credit, this was HER idea. She came up with this on her own. She wants this!

E&A have been married 10 years and have 2 kids. She is a divorcee who says that she was mistreated immensely in her past relationship physically and mentally. She says that submission is something for women but that you should NOT mistreat your wife. I think that a lot of times this is one of the arguments against submission. You will be used and taken advantage of if you do it.

Autumn says “it does not make the woman less important than the man. there is just different roles.” The daughter at this point is interviewed and doesn’t even acknowledge that her mom is submissive. She just says “I want to be just like my mom and have a husband who is just like my dad, sweet, kind, and always knows what to get my mom and loves her very much.” Smart kid!

Departure and arrival time

This was pretty neat. Tara has rituals for both when her husband leaves for the day and for when he returns. For before he leaves, she gets up earlier than him and has breakfast and coffee ready for him. She sends him off at the door with a smile and a wave and says cutesy things to him. She says that it is to send him off with positive energy for the day. He acknowledges all of her efforts and says that he leaves feeling energized to start his day because she brings such positivity to the experience.

For arrival time, she gets the kids in the house, puts the dog away (because for a while the dog was the first to great the husband at the door), puts away the cell phones for the night, has out appetizers so he can snack until dinner, and has an ambiance ready for a peaceful, restful, and safe place. Who wouldn’t rush home to that?? He acknowledges how warm the atmosphere is.

The initial consult

So Kristin and Tara meet while Mark and Tim go play golf. This is where they discuss the submission idea. Tara asks the tough questions “when was the last time you slept together?” BOINK! Hit the nail right on the head there lady! She says how only strong women can submit. Weak women will kick and scream, pout, withhold sex. Kristin acknowledges that they are headed for divorce if a change does not occur.

Meanwhile Mark dishes to Tim about how they don’t even sleep in the same room together most night. He’s got a great question to ask Tim.

Did you ask your wife to do this?

Tim said some of the things that we repeat here in RPWi. He did not ask her for his but her positive changes made him realize he wanted to be a better husband. In order for her to submit, she would need something to submit to. He wanted to be the kind of man she could respect.

Practice makes perfect

At this point we see Kristin begin her submission. She feels overwhelmed at having to catch up on the time she spent digging her heels in . Ok. It wasn’t perfect but she at least put one toe into the water to test it out. It is very overwhelming to finally stop and see the wreckage of what your entitlement can do. You see how much catch up you actually have to do. She is a stay at home wife… she doesn’t work. She wasn’t carrying her weight and expected that her husband do it all on top of working. This was hard for me to watch.

Tara comes over to Kristins for some more analysis of the situation. Kristin, after talking to Tara for a little bit says that she felt like some of the things that Tara say made her feel like she was a lazy person but that she would normally not consider herself to be a lazy person. Tara saw the laundry pile.. I mean mountain……yikes!

Sexy sex times

One of the recurring themes is “When did you last sleep with your man?” She uses some cheesy euphemism but that is the underlying statement that needs to be repeated over and over again. This is the FIRST step in reclaiming your romantic relationship. ROMANCE. I did a write up on sexual availability found here that basically is exactly what this woman says. She makes the claim that when her man feels loved, he will most definitely come back with “how will I make my wife happy today”. He will want to keep her happy. He is motivated to keep her happy.

The Radio show

During this show Autumn hosts an episode on her weekly radio show about Biblical Marriages. Her other co-host jokes about her grabbing some coffee and when she declines says “but you are supposed to submit”. This is where we get caught up in the ugliness that people think submission means. It doesn’t mean doormat. Autumn says it perfectly “it’s not easy to submit [..] we’re not perfect but we are married after 10 years.” To me that means this isn’t an exact science. It isn’t about being a yes man to your man. It is about navigating the waters as his support.

Second day submissions

This is where Mark first encounters Kristin submitting. Now this is more of just fluff. She has gotten dressed and done her makeup, gotten the kids off to school and made him coffee and a snack and was affectionate during his sendoff. ALL REALLY BASIC STUFF. This is submission 101. The mental hurdle is the issue in the beginning that really trips people up to begin with. You want to know Marks reactions?

WHOA

Yup. Just by changing very small things he took notice and was so grateful and appreciative. These aren’t even the hard things to do. As a life long nagger.. trust me this is the basics.

The final decision

There is a dilemma that is presented. Tara’s daughter (12) wants a social media account and asks her mom. Tara is unsure and leaves the decision up to her captain, Tim. He is open to it. You can see how Tara makes the choice to respect it even though she doesn’t agree and then defers. In the name of peace and harmony, she chooses to follow her man. The alternative? Create a fight. Create a wedge between her and her man. Create discord in the house. Create an opportunity for her kids to see a fight between them. She chose peace. She chose love. She chose to trust her man that she respects and knows that he is NOT going to steer them in the wrong direction.

One month later

Finally we see Kristin and Mark a month later. The differences are apparent. She is now taking care of the house. Dressing up. Mark is happy. The MIL was so amazed at the changes she sees in her DIL. In just a short amount of time, the relationship seems revived, healthy, and loving. Mark is actively working to be a better husband at every turn and they reinforce each others good behaviors within the relationship.

Key points to take away from this

  1. Submission is NOT for the weak willed, doormats or meek. It is hard.

  2. Sleep with your man

  3. Submission is an act of love

  4. The preservation of harmony and peace should be paramount in your relationship

  5. The example you set for your kids is what they will aspire to in future relationships

  6. Happiness begins with you.

  7. Just dressing up is not going to do it but it is a part of it.

  8. You are a big factor in how your SO's days is going to go. Act accordingly.

  9. If your mans love bank is empty... fill it up yo! lol (so cheesy but I love it)