Hi. I've been a long time follower/lurker of RPW (Under a different account I've lost the password to) When I first found y'all, it was a breath of fresh air. I immediately started applying principals and my already good marriage improved.

But I slowly started slipping back into my old ways. My husband and I have a pretty good marriage. Don't really have any problems. Untill we had a discussion the other night, where I finally realized my true behaviors. I never noticed how defensive I actually am.

What happened that lead up to our discussion was, he mentioned to me about something I had left out on the counter and hadn't put up yet, and I "went off". I sighed heavily and relayed all kinds of reasons as to why it wasn't put up yet. He immediately had a look of defeat to his face. For some reason, this time when I noticed his face, I realized what I had done an apologized instantly.

That's when he sat down with me and shared with me that, I do this all the time. With everything. So much that he feels like he's walking on eggshells when he wants to tell me something. It stresses him out because he doesn't feel he can talk to me about things. All he is trying to do is make a simple statement, or bring something to my attention, and I have to give reasons and explanations and defend myself. All. The. Time.

I couldn't believe I was doing this. I thought I was just giving my side. I felt defeated. The last thing I want to do is hurt him and cause him more stress! He is the most amazing man and I've been putting a wedge in our relationship.

I finally bought The Surrendered Wife after he told me this, and y'all, I'm in tears. I am doing everything wrong. I am controlling, nagging, trying to back lead. I haven't truly been respecting him, I've been undermining him. The second chapter on control I feel is screaming at me, I can't believe I've been this way. I can't believe he's put up with me doing this.

I have to change. I thought I had. But I think I've just gotten good at rationalizing my behavior. :(