I never feel feminine. Looking for advice.

iseethewheel · 2016-04-26T13:24:09+00:00

D-did I post this in a time machine three years ago? Seriously, I'm creeped out. I am in my last year of university, and I too was the 6' 2" ice queen 'goddess.' I still am 6' 2" (tall-TALL girls represent), but now I am described as 'elegant,' 'supportive,' 'lovely,' and 'cute.' Back then, I was 'smart,' 'aloof,' 'opinionated,' 'regal.' I was arrogant and stand offish. I dated submissive men who let me boss them around (even boss them into being more dominant, which never works, duh). My mother even told me that I needed to be gentler, because I was being inconsiderate and a good man wouldn't put up with that forever. I dated nice boys, but nice boys who let me dictate their lives and mother them. I was miserable in love and did not feel comfortable with myself.

I am going to give you my top tips for being feminine and approachable as an over-six-footer and how to use this to attract the best man for you.

learn to make your own clothes. They don't make clothes for us, unless you're into your butt hanging out or too-short jeans. I dress modestly, in skirts and floral prints that suit me. I own only cashmere sweaters and cotton or linen tops, cotton skirts, and a few knit dresses. I used to shop only at Primark, but making my own clothes and buying clothes from charity shops and having them taken in has enabled me to actually wear things that suit me. (Hint: size 22 cashmere vintage store sweaters are really cheap and don't cost much to take in) I dress in a feminine way and don't dress very casually, which helps me get in the right mindset. You don't need to dress girly, but I find it helps me, and making your own clothes is the best way to ensure they fit in a flattering way. Making my own floral handkerchiefs and eye masks, as well as clothes, has made me appreciate my clothes more. When you have exactly what you want, you don't need so much.
date shorter men. My SO is four inches shorter than me and I love him without hesitation. Don't limit your pool to a small number of guys, and tall guys, from my experience, tend to be more lethargic romantically because they don't need to compete. A normal height guy who doesn't see your height already demonstrates openmindedness, generosity, and playfulness. Be open to shorter guys. Be his hot, leggy supermodel in three inch heels. He wants to show his pub friends that he got a Victoria Secret model, so be that for him.
don't look down on people, literally. Sit down a lot more. Give hugs. Kneel. I sit kneeling on the floor, Japanese style almost all day. Being way above people reinforces haughty behaviors. Don't step on people (actually a real issue).
you are not in charge. People look to tall folks for leadership. Identify another leader or a co-leader and step back from responsibility. Listen. Defer to your SO. For tall women, it is super important that you find a man who stuns you you respect and admire him so much, to help you let go of that leadership drive. Find a guy who takes care of himself physically. My SO can pick me up (and do more than that, I'll say!), and his strength overwhelms me. He needn't be taller than you to be your leader. He can be stronger, smarter, more driven, more thoughtful, more ambitious.
forgive your height and don't use it to become a strong woman. You will always be a beacon, because we are so rare, we don't have a percentile in demographics. We will be the tallest woman some people meet. We compel people to listen by just being. It's weird. It's masculine. It makes people call us 'goddesses.' But be a beacon of humility, of kindness, of deference, of forgiveness. Find a man who doesn't want an Amazon. Find a man who is larger than life (to you at least), and wants a feminine woman of larger than life importance. He will compel and inspire you to be more feminine. In the meantime, dress feminine and see if it inspires you, draw from feminine inspirations (Jane from Pride and Prejudice, Aurora from Sleeping Beauty, Moominmamma), and don't be an Empress. You will find a King and be his Queen, not rule the world and your husband on your own.

Sorry if this was long, I found this immensely personal and emotional and I hope you learned from it!

Edit: a word and a bit to point 1

Edit 2: my SO just texted me (15 min after posting this) saying he got me a present just because. He tells me all the time how sweet and joyful I am. I am so grateful to be the woman who deserves him (RPW has only been part of this process), and I am so happy. I would never go back to being an empress or a goddess.

[deleted] · 2016-04-26T17:53:43+00:00

stop fooling yourself. men arent "intimidated" by you. they dont want to deal with you

StingrayVC · 2016-04-26T15:40:41+00:00

You are miserable dating weak men and leading them, but you are miserable and infuriated when people don't live up to your standards. Which is worse?

You getting mad is on you. Unless a person is under your authority for some reason (doubtful given your age and being a freshmen) then who cares what they say? What purpose does getting mad and being bitchy towards them serve other than to alleviate your anger? Your anger is yours to deal with. Not dish out to the world of people who don't stand up to your standards. Also, you're 19, many of those people are likely not as wrong as you think they are. Even if they are wrong, why do you have to let them know? Smile, keep it to yourself (unless its necessary to speak up) and move on with your life. The only person your are hurting is yourself.

[deleted] · 2016-04-26T17:56:36+00:00

I try to act a little less "bitchy", but I usually fail because someone says something to me that just infuriates me a lot.

This is a small note in your post but really is the most important factor. What do people do that infuriates you so much? I go through my day in public almost never getting infuriated by anyone, so I think there's something antagonistic about your personality that you need to work on chilling off. That's no way to be a pleasant person. Focus on cultivating good character...pleasant, fun, friendly, patient, kind.

Lonny_zone · 2016-04-26T17:59:34+00:00

I try to act a little less "bitchy", but I usually fail because someone says something to me that just infuriates me a lot.

How common could it possibly be that someone says something that "infuriates" you in a general conversation when you have just met them? Are you bringing up politics and religion all the time?

I am going to guess the type of men I desire to attract are not into my bitchiness.

Absolutely. Try not being bitchy.

[deleted] · 2016-04-28T10:34:52+00:00

I try to act a little less "bitchy", but I usually fail because someone says something to me that just infuriates me a lot.

I will share something I learnt, because I too was very bitchy when younger.

When someone says something that infuriates you and you "vent" that you stimulate the pleasure centres in your brain and you create habits. If you want to be less bitchy learn to just shut up. Walk away if you need to, count to ten. Go somewhere and say what you wanted to to the wall or mirror. Make a habit of not being bitchy.

Reading your post I think thats where you should start. All the nice pretty feminine looking clothes in the world aren't gonna help if you open your mouth and the bitch takes over. Just look at Eliza Doolittle from My Fair Lady. They put her in a gorgeous dress and she looked like a lady at Ascot, then she yelled "move your bloomin' arse" and everyone knew she wasnt a lady.

Feminine comes from inside. https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4f9pjl/psychological_femininity/ this post is super helpful.

fiat_lux_ · 2016-04-26T18:01:04+00:00

I try to act a little less "bitchy", but I usually fail because someone says something to me that just infuriates me a lot. I am going to guess the type of men I desire to attract are not into my bitchiness.

Aside from bitchiness (just taking your word for it), being infuriated often has always seemed more of a masculine thing. Men are usually the ones more likely to channel a wide range of emotions into expressions of rage.

[deleted] · 2016-04-26T13:00:47+00:00

First, read through all the posts on the wiki. Second, read the surrendered single. Third, guys aren't intimidated by you, they just think you're a bitch. Finally and this is a personal recommendation, read surrendered wife to know what to aspire to.

You attract submissive men cause you're acting dominant. That's a big no no. Read read read read and read some more. Internalize the art of femininity and practice practice practice. Cutting out your inner bitch is going to be hard. You're going to want to correct people and make sure you are heard. Knock that shit off. Just cause you dress feminine doesn't mean a thing. You could work on a farm and be covered in dirt all day and still be feminine. Don't cosplay femininity. Be it.

[deleted] · 2016-04-29T22:51:12+00:00

My last girlfriend was taller than me without heels.

One time we're getting ready to go out and she put on flat shoes. I told her to put on heels. The taller the better. And never slouch when she's with me. Why would I want a slouchy girl in flat shoes?

Women deserving of my time are rare enough that height/race etc don't even come into it.

Title	I never feel feminine. Looking for advice.
Author	TeaTimeMachine
Upvotes	15
Comments	26
Date	April 26, 2016 11:44 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/4gif8m/i_never_feel_feminine_looking_for_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/i-never-feel-feminine-looking-for-advice.210067 https://theredarchive.com/post/210067