Below you will find Part 2 of my 'No Bitch Challenge' Field Report. This one spans Thursday to Sunday, and also includes a dead day that lacks notes. The entire report spans 10 days, but is the standard 7 days/1 week of entries. This is because we spent two weekends together and I wanted to include.

Please find Part 1 here, which overs Friday to Wednesday

Note: both are quite long as you can see, but I think /u/eliza_schuyler nailed the sentiment I had in mind when she said the following:

All the extra things you included gave a great perspective on your overall situation. There's only so many times a girl can read "I STFU and then we didn't argue".

So please think of this as one part Field Report, and one part 'Case Study'. If it's too long for you, I understand and it won't hurt my feelings if you choose not to read (:

Thursday

HB (probably) comes home tomorrow!! It's his brother and FSIL's engagement party this Saturday (: Today I'm going over to Mama M's house after work to keep getting ready for it. We've already done SO much revamping of the backyard and house. I love spending time with her because she teaches me so many homemaking type activities. I also know HB loves me being close with his family (which isn't hard considering how wonderful they are). His dad is on a business trip too so I guess it's a girls' night! (Oh no the dreaded GNO (; )

  • The Bad

Shoot. I might have bitched. Did I bitch? Can't tell. Well, to be fair, it was about work and it had nothing to do with our relationship. We are starting a new operation in his company and I'm spearheading part of it and it's getting me wound up looking at all I'll have to do in addition to my own full-time job, and all the time I end up spending with Mama M (I'm typing this still at her place prepping things and it's already 45 minutes past when I should be asleep and I'm dead beat).

I get overwhelmed easily when it comes to things like this, and I have found that above all else, my emotionalness is fueled by a fear of isolation (thank you "How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It). When I get slammed with work, I have less time for Mama M, less time to see my friends, and less time with HB (and the quality is usually compromised as well). Especially when I'm working for him, he turns into a full-blown workbot and can't talk to me about hardly anything aside from work, and I become testier as a result because I'm now spending too much time with my boss and not enough with my boyfriend. It's important to me to be around to help my loved ones with what they need, and that does include HB, but when every second of my every day is occupied (with high stress tasks, mind you)...I am prone to losing control.

Fortunately I did not call because I lost control, far from it. I called because I saw the writing on the wall and that my brain was going there, and I was actively looking for solutions to how overwhelmed I knew I would feel very, very quickly. So points docked for calling him on a week day evening to freak out a bit, but points earned for recognizing that I was slipping and calling him to work on it.

  • The Good

Well, after letting my stress get the better of me and getting a bit shrill with how much I'm dealing with, I called back an hour later to apologize for any tension I added to his day. He was very understanding and reminded me it's his business and he never minds taking on more since it's his responsibility. That's the absolute last thing I want, I want to take things off his place..not take them off then pile them back on. But it's still good knowing I can't completely fail him.

We talked more in depth later in the night and I was able to rationally point out what was stressing me out and what had me feeling wound up, and he was able to offer solutions or ways to work around my stress in nearly every way. He emphasized how much it meant to him that I spend so much time at his parents' house, which really made me feel good because even though I love them in general now, I did start going over there when he was gone because I knew it would make him (and them happy) rather than doing it for myself.

He also blatantly stated that he noticed his FSIL had offered no time or anything to help set up her own party, and that she just left it all fall to his mom. He was bothered that even if it wasn't customary for her to help, she hadn't sent over any members of her bridal party to do anything, and it was now his girlfriend staying up until all hours to set it up. I don't mind one bit because I don't do if for her, I do it for his mom and I could never do enough to thank her for all she does. But it was really nice feeling like a contributing member of their family and being noticed for it. Even when Mama M and I were outside today creating banners and photo displays she said "I hope you know you're my angel, and that I've never taken a second of your help for granted." Literally melted my heart. After all she does for me that's pretty much a joke anyway.

Friday

Nothing noteworthy, LDR day still so I went to a friend's for a fun girls' night in -- HB decided to come home tomorrow and not tonight, but now he gets to stay all day Sunday and leave Monday instead (:

Saturday

My baby comes to town! Today is actually his brother's engagement party with his new fiancée and I'm so looking forward to meeting some of the farther reaching members of his family/social circle!

  • The Bad

Well, I was supposed to meet HB at his apartment ready to go, then we were going to head over early to keep helping Mama M. Except my period started, and it was the period from hell. Worst cramps I've had in months, and ahem toilet troubles out the wazzoo. I end up totally floored almost crying on the phone with HB while waiting for the painkillers to kick in and trying not to throw up. I was also bawling because it started FIFTEEN MINUTES BEFORE HE DROVE INTO TOWN, and we were planning on having sexy times. Ugh. He made the executive decision for me to stop getting ready, pack my stuff so I can do it at his place, and head straight there to meet him because "you'll feel better when we're together". And so I did, and so I did. (Don't worry, he got a 'sorry I'm on my period' sexy happy welcome home haha).

Unfortunately I also forgot several items at home. I told HB and his brother plus FSIL to just head there without me and I would drive myself and grab my stuff and meet up with them there. I was really stressed and kicking myself and speeding til I got there. It didn't really change anything other than winding me up further for when I arrived

Once the party started, I am usually the socialite of all socialites and make sure my dates have never felt the need to babysit me...but for whatever reason this time I just got massive social anxiety and kept finding myself hiding in empty rooms to avoid looking alone.

  • The Good

Everything else (: I used the social anxiety as a bonding point with my hFSIL (hopeful future sister in law haha), as she is usually painfully, painfully quiet. I made a joke that she was beating me for outgoingness and that was a definite first. Her eye got huge and she goes "ohhhhhh you just need more wine!" So I went and grabbed some and we sat around laughing for a while. It was really nice because her and I get along, but don't usually interact much because we are so different. After relaxing with her for a while it was much easier to mingle!

HB was wonderful. First when he got there he looked around and said "the party looks so beautiful baby, you don't know what it means to me offering all your help to my family." I totally blushed and said it was mostly his mom (very true!) and he just shook his head and smiled. He was really excited for me to meet all kinds of extended family. I think I did a great job of not hovering over him, but always being in eyesight so he could wave me over for introductions. I could tell he was really happy I was meeting everyone and he was being such a gentleman (as always -- he is the most chivalrous man, like, seriously). I also got a lot of chances to brag about him to his family, many of which haven't seen him in years due to geography. He was a little rebel rouser in high school, and a college drop out. He is now the CEO of his own business, works 14 hour days, and makes more in 2-2.5 months than I do annually. People were floored to learn that about him and you can believe I was swelling with pride.

At the end of the night as things were winding down, HB and I were laying on the couch and he was passively giving me a feet massage from my boots all day, and a song came on the radio and he goes "Woman, boots on. Now." So I scrambled to get them on and he grabbed me and started swinging me across the room. I was laughing sooooo hard because neither of us are dancers and we'd been drinking so it was outrageously clumsy but we were having a blast. The song ended and I thought that would be the end of it (we've never danced before at all!) -- but no! We danced together for probably over an hour! Nobody else danced at all, and here we were spinning and twirling and boogieing and slow dancing and kissing and dancing cheek-to-cheek and forehead-to-forehead and then more twirling and more boogieing. It was insane. Plus we are both total country folk and at one point he changed it on accident to like, modern pop and I thought he would change it back but we ended up getting in a total hip hop dance off with like the pointing to challenge each other to bust a move and he even started twerking hahahaha. I don't think I have ever laughed so hard my whole life. HB is the. most. serious. person. Like I would have never guessed in a million years I would end up with someone as serious as him, and to see him completely let loose in literally the opposite of his character could not have been more hilarious. Also....he was an amazing dancer!!! I just kept yelling "holy shit baby you got moves!!" I guess I'm not too shocked, because he's an absolute natural musician so I'm sure that helps. But seeing it still floored me and it's one of my new top 3 favourite moments with him.

We finally stopped dancing and he ran to the piano and started playing, he was really rusty but so very talented nevertheless. And he included me and kept pointing at keys to hit (totally out of time hahaha) and we did that for a while. Then he grabbed his guitar and started serenading me and we sang our song together. Music time with him is one of my favourite activities; I'm not musical at all but I love to watch him pick things up and just make songs and melodies up so naturally, and sing along when he does a song I know. We both just hung out and sung while his brother and FSIL opened presents. When they were done we all went home and were asleep in less than 15 minutes.

Sunday

My report is over, but as I type this from bed HB walks in with shitty breakfast in bed for me. I say shitty because since he got into town yesterday then went straight to the party, there is no food at his place, so it's a gas station convenience food banquet. We're laughing pretty hard at that but whatever (: I've got myself a keeper.

(HAHA just kidding. I thought I was going to end there but YOLO, today was also great so it shall be recognized!)

So I forgot to mention, that gas station convenience store trip? Paid for with the $20 I was able to give back to him from last Sunday's emergency travel fund (: I didn't need the money for the reason I was given it, so it was right to give it back. I could tell it meant a lot to him that I gave it back, though I'm sure he wouldn't have thought twice on it if I haven't. I just never want him to feel take advantage of, when really I'm just so grateful for every little thing.

  • The Bad

I had a fundraiser for cancer event to participate in, which my little brother asked me to help with as he played a big roll in hosting and running it. It was a body building event and he said "I need a pretty girl to sell merchandise, could you please come and help me?" The authenticity of his question was beyond adorable and endearing and I was very happy to support him in something like this. He's a passionate bodybuilder (so little brother in age, but in size he is really my much huger brother hahaha) and our mom is also a cancer survivor. The only bad part about it was that it was 5 hours of my last day with HB, which I was upset about. But it still seemed like the right thing to do, as I'm a good sister far less often than I am a good girlfriend. HB ended up spending the day with his brother, which I'm sure meant a lot to him. So we both got a sibling bonding day in and it all turned out for the better (:

PS I ended up being a beer server with one of our family friends, and we slayed sales. Everyone was so happy with the money we helped raised.

  • The Good

I met with HB in the evening at his parents house. His family is huge on Sunday night dinner. Huge. You don't miss it. I've never been involved with something like that but I've grown to love it so much. It's without a doubt a value we will carry forward as we set up our lives together. I even go sometimes when HB is out of town (: his brother and fiancée rarely come, which I know really upsets HB, who is so unbelievably family oriented. They just don't prioritize it. Here's hoping that changes as they settle into their permanent lives together.

I actually fell asleep on their couch within 20 minutes of arriving there, deadbeat from the busy serving day and late party the night before. I slept for almost an hour haha. His mom gifted me a set of really nice wine glasses and champagne flutes that they had bought for the engagement party. She's such a bargain shopper it was cheaper for her to buy them and give them away after as opposed to renting them. They're very lovely (:

I was teasing HB about his dancing, not in a negative way but in a "we need to do this more!" way..he kept insisting he was a bad dancer! Rubbish. He kept telling me he only dances when he's drunk, so I kept poking fun at him. It didn't take long before he grabbed my hand and started twirling me around again to this song a little sad for a couple but whatever, it's still a lovely lovely song and it was an even lovelier dance. He absolutely loves the great Strait. We danced for a few songs and had just as great of a time as the night before! He tried to remember a specific dance but I kept getting my little toes in the way and stepped on. He said "you're not a very good follower!" and I laughed pretty hard considering out of context that's about the worst insult he could throw at me being an RPW and what not. I told him I very much wanted to take lessons so I could be a good follower. We shall see d:

We also danced to "Stand By Your Man", which I found appropriate (: he exclaimed "I'm so happy and surprised you know this song, and all the words!" And I slyly said "Oh it's pretty much a theme song". He looked so funny trying to decide if I meant it in a bad or a good way but then laughed. Hoping he realized I meant it in the best way haha.

We then sat in the backyard to enjoy the summer night, and it turned into a fairly serious conversation fairly quickly. He talked about his work and very somberly told me he doesn't plan on having the money he's making now be "oh build up your savings account" money that comes then goes. He does consulting work so it's very inconsistent pay, but like I said, right now he is making my annual salary in about 2-2.5 months (but some of those include contracts as short as 60 days, so it's not fixed by any mans). I've been expecting that to be a short-term blessing, as I allow myself to have no expectations regarding his/our future finances...I never want to lull myself into taking his present success for granted and assuming I have some hot meal ticket; I don't care if it goes up in smoke, that's not where my love lies. He told me though his plan is quite the opposite, he fully plans to continue hustling hard as he can to make these next 2 years where he proves himself to be a fundamental player in his industry, and no shooting star that burns out quick. He explained to me how important it is that I continue to pull my weight as much as I have been in addition to my job (We started his company together, but I decided it wasn't for me. But I still help a lot as needed in addition to my own work -- ergo my mini-meltdown on Thursday). He told me "This is buying our home money, this is those investment properties' we want money, and this is investing in the company money. This is what we are doing right now and then it can bring me home and no more travel. I'm so close to making enough consistently, and with 1-2 hires they can do what I do now under my guidance". It was a really inspiring talk for our future, and I've known he's been thinking along those lines, but not saying anything too direct, likely to avoid speaking too soon. I'm so proud of him it's stupid. He's earned it in every way. I'm excited to see him accomplish his goals, and do everything I can to be the support he deserves.

We then ate with his parents, his brother was there when I arrived but didn't stay long and didn't have Sunday dinner. I was especially bummed him and his bride-to-be didn't come the day after his parents threw such a beautiful party for them. Such is life I suppose but I felt it was in poor taste. But we had a great meal, and then HB went and found his accordion and played that for a while as I watched and danced (yes he does it all haha, harmonicas as well and maybe a few other things).

His parents packed us both lunches for tomorrow, as they do every Sunday. Seriously, how lucky am I??

HB and I went back to his apartment and we ended up chatting about some friends of ours and their (outrageous) rent for their 1 bedroom, and he said his ex-girlfriend had found a place in an area I hadn't heard of that was the same amount they paid for a 1 br, and she had a 3bd/2br house. I asked where the area was and it was a neighbourhood I had never heard of that is less than a mile from his parents' house.

I was floored. They live less than 5 miles from HB and I right now, but we are in the downtown area (him moreso than me), and they are in the suburbs that are rather nice and pricey (being that they are suburbs close to the downtown). I didn't realize there were affordable options nearby, and these are the only suburbs we might like since it's so close to the downtown. I asked if I would like that area (since I've never seen it but he knows my living preferences) and he said I would, and I asked if there was any reason for us not to look there for a house when we move in together if it's the same price as what we were planning for a 2bd/2br apartment. He looked pretty surprised and said we could definitely look to see what there was available there when we are ready to make that step, and he hadn't thought about it before.

I'm now really, really excited and said how much I would love to keep a house and tend to it like that, and wistfully murmured under my breath "I love cleaning". And he laughed. so. hard. I'm literally Monica Gellar from Friends to put it in perspective. Then he seriously melted my heart and told me he realized how much of a skill homemaking is (I know he learned to appreciate it from his mom doing such a great job) and that he loved how great I was at it. That really meant a lot because I think it's my passion and I have noticed almost none of my friends have a home like mine, I don't mean the size or anything, but just, that it's a put together home and not 'a place to live'. I would be so proud to keep a real home for him like that. So I'm very excited! Maybe this time next year we could be having a house like that if it goes well, and if not, it'll still go well but just a different kind of well (:

The hour got late so I went home. He was to be up at 5am tomorrow to drive back to where he is living and get to work on time. That man works so hard; I definitely have a keeper. We also agreed I'm going back to his crappy town next weekend! The one that isn't crappy at all -- I'm so excited to see the country bar! The end!

Concluding Notes

  • I find it helpful to picture myself as a poster on RPW, and think "what advice would I give someone in this position?" More often than not, I find I'm being whiny.

  • I expected to lose face less often because of this challenge, I did not anticipate the same being true for HB. It really goes to show how frequently our SO's negative moods are reactive to our own behaviour, and not standalone actions on their part.

  • We had two of the best days ever in our relationship this week (both Saturdays), and two new top favourite moments from our whole relationship (our tender kiss the first Saturday, and dance battle the second Saturday). Coincidence?? I THINK NOT!

  • He notices things like how I keep a house and does value it as a quality trait; he may not say so all the time, but he does notice. Your man will too if put in the effort.

  • In fact, he notices a lot. And without taking the time to write down all the small compliments he pays me, for whatever reason the hamster can write them off as unimportant! Does he sit around and expound my greatness? Not even close. But there is so much merit in the small comments he makes as situations arise.

  • I think this point will resonate with many -- the hardest part I find with not bitching is the question: "but if I don't tell him I dislike something, how will he know to change it?". TBH, I don't have a clear answer other than to firstly just trust your man and that he has your best interests at heart, but also that there is much merit to the phrase "what gets rewarded, gets repeated". If you back up and just focus on all the wonderful things he does, you'll be happier for doing that and being less of a Negative Nancy, which will not go unnoticed by him. He will understand what makes you happy and he does want to see that. He just doesn't want to feel crappy for doing what makes you feel bad if you criticize him, when he didn't do it on purpose. Focus on the good and you will both be rewarded. I would also say the more I focused intentionally on how wonderful he is, my level of negativity and will to complain was instantly decreased like crazy. Just talk the talk until you walk the walk.

  • Can I not bitch 100% of the time all the time? Likely not. That doesn't seem reasonable to not slip here and there. But I'm sure as shit going to try very hard every day to give him only my best because Lord knows I'm a happier woman for it as well.

If you read this all -- wow, thank you. I so hope you didn't find your time wasted and that there was insightful material. If you just skipped around and read here and there, perhaps that was the smarter choice (; I'm hoping you too found material that imparted any semblance of wisdom. This has been a wonderful experience, and the act of writing and reflecting on each day has been invaluable beyond words for maintaining integrity in the challenge, and keeping me motivated. Even as a silent audience you all kept me very accountable for living each day positively. I absolutely hope a few more people try to do a challenge like this and share their experiences. I would be extremely interested in doing another FR challenge in the future, but perhaps I will wait for a (long) while to ensure my verbosity doesn't break the sub (jk, I think)...my apologies if the length of my reports crossed into spam territory. The mods can tell me if a report of this length is never welcome again, and I would definitely understand. I guess nobody can say I didn't go all in, haha.