A woman can never STFU too much. It's not possible. Try this for a week: only make positive, loving, or encouraging remarks. Speak to flirt with him, show that you respect him, and that you are prioritizing the health of the marriage first and foremost. A happy man does not leave his wife when she's the one bringing him happiness.

This was the comment from /u/PhantomDream09 that prompted me to start a week long challenge to myself to only say good and nice things to my husband. Seems simple right? I'll literally only say these kinds of things to him. It shouldn't be that hard, I'm not a raging shrew who flies off the handle for no reason (like I used to be). Well, it was a little harder than I thought but keeping the challenge in my head helped to pull myself back into that frame of mind when I would slip out. Here's a play by play of each day, M-F of what went well, what went bad and what my husband had to say about it all.

Monday: I was up early before he woke up, laying in bed on RPW and I found the idea for this challenge. I was able to start the week off totally fresh with this idea.

The Good no nagging. Asked my husband to fill out his partner history form for our midwife and scan it into the computer to email her. Did not mention it again. It was still sitting on the kitchen table when I went to bed that night. DH mentioned that he wanted to get an iPhone and iPad for his new job (he has not started yet). This made me bristle because we are trying to pay off the midwife and save for maternity leave which has left us depleted financially at the end of the month for a while. Instead I said, "Ok, but I am worried about adding extra expenses while trying to save for maternity leave." He said, "yeah, that could be difficult. I'll reward myself with those things at my six month mark." I didn't have to nag or be nasty at all!!!

Tuesday: The Good Didn't lose my cool when my husband came down from the attic insisting that the clothes he was looking for weren't with the spring stuff. I opened my mouth to say, "I'm not going to argue with you, I know they're there," but instead shut my mouth and went up with him, calmly went through the boxes and lo and behold, there they were! :-D But I didn't make a big deal or even a little deal. Came home tonight and my husband had filled out the forms for the midwife like I had asked yesterday morning!

The Bad I broke down and told him he was going to be late for his dentist appointment (mothering) even though he knew full well about it. I regretted saying as I made the decision to say it and while I said it, and after, I just couldn't help myself. He was on time.

Wednesday: The Good Made my husband lunch before work as I usually do but I was more exhausted than usual because work the night before had been difficult and I got home later than I usually do (I'm second shift) and I was up early. I had every intention of seeing him out the door but once his lunch was made he and his mother (we rent an apartment from them and share a door which is always open connecting our homes) were talking and I was getting mad waiting. Instead of rushing him out the door to work I said, "I'm going back to bed," and he said good bye to me and then continued to talk to him mother. Idk why, maybe other ladies are like this, but I prefer to be the last one to see my husband off to work. However if he is taking too long I get impatient and end up rushing him.

The Bad When he got home from work I slipped up and told him to make sure he covers the leftovers in the microwave so they don't dry out. My husband is the king of amused mastery without actually knowing what it is and he gives me this look, mocking me, and told me he's familiar with how to use a microwave. I took the hint and said "yeah I don't know why I'm telling you," and laughed it off.

Thursday: The Good/The Bad I usually call my husband on my ride home from work, I live 35 minutes away and its late, long stretches of road to drive, and I like to talk to him to keep myself busy. He likes talking on the phone but some nights he's in the middle of a video game or working on a project or watching a TV show and he wants to get off right away. Normally I get mad that he doesn't want to talk and guilt him into staying on but tonight I said "Ok I'll see you when I get home," remembering that he probably doesn't want to hear the minutiae from my day.
Well when I got home, (it has been raining for like three days) I pulled into the last available spot in the driveway and felt my tires sink into the mud. I was stuck. So that irritated me even though its happened before and my car is easy enough to pull out. I got inside and made a sarcastic joke (a sarcastic comment that I meant but said with a smile) about how he said he'd finish the dishes and again he made a joke and asked if I needed to go back outside and re-enter the house nicely. I then realized it wasn't his fault my car was stuck and that he would be the one to pull it out so I changed my tune.

Friday: The Bad Friday morning we went to have the ultrasound done to tell us the gender of our baby!! Which was exciting! Except traffic going into the city was heavy the way my husband chose to go so I was getting all nervous that our appointment started in five minutes and we weren't even at the hospital yet. I got a little harpy about my way being better (turns out there's construction on the highway, particularly that exit which my husband knew because he drives it every day to work, and I didn't because I don't) and then the computer system for the hospital kept crashing so they were running behind anyway.

The Good We found out we are having a boy!!!!!!!!!

What My Husband Thought of My Challenge Last night I told my husband I had been experimenting all week and told him how it all came about and what my goals were and asked him if he had noticed a difference (looking back, I genuinely was curious if he had noticed a difference but I suppose a little looking for validation too). He said he had noticed but that it seemed like I had been doing this for maybe two weeks! :-) I said no, just the last 5 days but what made him say that? He told me I just seemed more supportive of his ideas and goals and that he had noticed the nagging had gone down and that I have been able to pull myself out of a bad mood quicker than I usually do. So that made me happy. Also, on Thursday night with my car being stuck, he though I was mad that he didn't talk to me on the phone. I told him that I've realized how stupid that is and that I won't dwell on that anymore. He was glad. As far as Friday morning went, he could understand why I was irritated about being late, its very important, its very exciting, and that if I only have an outburst at times like that, he's ok with the occasional slip up. :-)

I've resolved to keep working on this worthwhile goal of not having sarcastic or harpy outbursts and to present everything in as positive a light as possible. It was a good week and while definitely some low points, I learned what I could from them and fixed them as soon as I noticed them. The one thing I could work on is in those instances owning up to being shrew-like and apologizing instead of just pausing for ten seconds and resetting my demeanor.

I hope you enjoyed my field report, and maybe inspired some of you to try it out! Thanks again, /u/PhantomDream09 for the fantastic idea!

~ Sadie

P.S. Remember how I swore I wouldn't bring up him scanning our midwife documents again? When I began writing this it still hadn't been done. He asked me for them as he was leaving for work today, said he would do it during his downtime. And I literally haven't so much as dropped a hint (which he wouldn't get anyway) about it since I asked on Monday!

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