Introduction Post + Question For Community | 24m

citykid2640 · 2020-09-07T12:02:07+00:00

Don't overthink it. Get out there and start going on dates. As a former youth group leader, I see waaaaaaaaaaay too many stuck in paralysis. They think grabbing coffee with the opposite sex is a marriage test, and they need to seek council and pray about it, and text their accountability partner.....blah blah blah.

Just start flirting (a lost art amongst christians sadly), and grabbing coffee (or whatever you like to do), the rest will come to you.

Praexology · 2020-09-07T12:17:47+00:00

I don't know if this is my faith . . . What would you all recommend/how did you married men find your wives for sorting out this area of life?

How socially competent are you? Your lifts are great, but if you fail socially there will be great advantage to you practicing your social skills.

Cold approaching women is the step below cold approaching people for the Gospel. u/BrotherChad could probably tell you how nerve wracking that can be. (not that you should wait for one over the other, but in terms of how challenging it is, promoting yourself is a lot easier than promoting God, at least in my experience.

I have a few parts of my life figured out, a few others not figured out. Hoping to be active and learn and grow with you all.

[shamelessly self advertising] Join our discord! Reddit is a beautiful repository of posts, but is significantly more formal than discord. If you want lifestyle correction and are not getting it from your church I would recommend it to you. Plus you can talk with me on my long drives to work ;)

Let me kno what YOU think.

cartmanbra2 · 2020-09-07T07:21:14+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/7aewjo/for_singles_getting_laid_like_a_christian_part_2/

Is really helpful

UpTanks · 2020-09-07T09:48:26+00:00

hate to sound vain here) but not as beautiful as I would want

First of all get this churchianity rubbish out of your head. You have been literally hardwired to desire beautiful women, don't think it's somehow ungodly. I do think there's a point where our desires become counter-productive and we pass up dozens of 7 or 8s because we were so focused on 9s and 10s. But seriously bro don't worry about turning down women because you're not attracted to them.

doesn't seem like a great way to meet Christian girls

Maybe not but it will reveal flaws in your frame/game and challenge your confidence. It would also provide gospel opportunities - 2 birds in one stone. Btw don't go out and arbitrarily cold approach 100 girls, just integrate approaching as it presents itself into your existing daily routine (shops, gym etc).

just meet people whilst being immersed in the community of God's family

Get plugged into a community but don't expect to find many attractive single young adults, unfortunately at your age this is quite an issue. In my community the only prospects are still in youth group lol. Anyway, what you can also do is just ask around. Let people know you're looking for a potential wife, the qualities (FAST) you're into etc. This is how a couple guys here met their wives - through enquiring of pastors and mutuals.

Overall, I think you would get a lot out of reading the 'For Singles' sidebar section. It's far more relevant to you (as a Christian) than the TRP sidebar.

Aaaquad · 2020-09-07T17:48:03+00:00

6'4 210lbs, BF% around 20%.

Check out https://exrx.net/Testing/WeightLifting/StrengthStandards. Get to the intermediate range of strength standards (especially overhead press). Cut your bodyfat to below 15%. This will increase your odds of attracting women. You seem to already have a lot working for you.

I never pursued these, as I felt they weren't really as (hate to sound vain here) but as beautiful as I would want.

No need to feel shame or guilt here. It is okay to have a certain standard of beauty in the woman you want to be with. Though do not get carried away, as u/UpTanks said.

Classic RP wisdom has told me...

Perhaps you can remain loosely associated with your mega~~church~~ congregation. I am sure there are plenty of women there that you can practice approaching and building your social skills. Since you will be attending another congnregation you do not need to worry about your reputation as much in case something goes wrong.

it just doesn't seem like a great way to meet Christian girls that are serious about their faith

The attributes you should be looking for in a Christian girl is that they are Faithful Available Saved and Teachable (FAST). Whatever her interests or spiritual state is, so long as she demonstrates these attributes she will fall into your frame.

The most important thing I am going to ask is this - What is your mission and how does it fit withing Christ's mission to make disciples of all nations?

This will be the primary attractor for the type of woman you are looking for. It will give you the context for associating with many women, especially if you become a leader in your congregation.

tldr

1) remain loosely associated with your mega congregation. Practice approach and build social skills in this context.

2) Develop and internalize your mission. Lift and get shredded.

3) Look for women that are FAST in the context of pursuing your mission.

BrotherLew · 2020-09-07T19:23:58+00:00

Hey brother you sounds alot like me. I'm 24M, software student, gym and my parents don't follow Jesus (yet). I recommend cold approaching only if you're currently afraid of it. Conquering that fair was the main benefit at this stage of life. The 'down side' is I actually meet a girl 15 months ago, beautiful, smart, Christian. But unfortunately I'm not in a smart position to get married (no job, no house etc). So now her and i are suspended in this position of waiting, trying not to sin and trying to be 'friends'. I don't recommend actively dateing untill you're 6-12 months of being ready for a marriage.

AustralianLutheran96 · 2020-09-07T21:23:59+00:00

My advice: seek out a confessional Lutheran church (on the West Coast you're looking at a Lutheran church that belongs to the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod, Evangelical Lutheran Synod, or Wisconsin Evangelical Lutheran Synod, you likely won't go wrong with either).

I cane from a similar background, worship team style services with an Evangelical bent. Check out 'Issues, etc.' (link below) and some short videos on YouTube from 'Lutheran Satire' for a basic introduction.

Regarding meeting a woman. Here are the 3 criteria:

1) is she a Christian? If yes, proceed.

2) do we have similar Christian and moral values (use of contraception? Infant baptism? How many kids? Do yo both understand male headship and female submission? Does she confess the basics of Christian orthodoxy?) If on the same page, proceed.

3) is this person kind/not crazy? If yes, marry her.

A woman is beautiful because of her faith and because God has given her to you. My fiancee is beautiful because of her faith and because God has given her to me. There is no such thing as "the one".

You have freedom to choose who to marry. Yes, you should be attracted enough to want to and be able to have children with her, but don't hold out because you think you're all that and expect a supermodel (not saying you do, I'm just saying in general).

P.s., how did you get so good at saving at age 24? Good effort. I'm getting there, at the same age, but not at your level yet. Any general tips?

Link to issues, etc. https://issuesetc.org/tag/christianity-101/

redarcher99 · 2020-09-12T00:29:59+00:00

I think your gut (or perhaps the Holy Spirit within you) is right. Cold approaching 100 girls and getting into online dating doesn't seem like a good and discerning response. Approaching 100 non-Christians is unadvisable as you don't want to marry a non-Christian (1 Corinthians 7:39, 2 Corinthians 6:14). Approaching 100 Christian girls with the sole intent on getting their phone number or a date is likely to ruin your reputation with all of them (you just look like a desperate pervert who's in a hurry which is very unattractive to women).

However, your idea of being open to getting to know people through church community and perhaps a Christian dating app is better. Beware though Christian dating apps can be filled with people who aren't really Christian or are slack Christians who aren't a part of a church. I'd suggest get involved in real Christian community, look to make friends and don't be afraid to get to know people better. It's easy to organise fun things with a group of Christian friends and get to know people in a group and then invite them to do something with you one-on-one as friends before just going straight to dating. It's less pressure for everyone. Also, I'd recommend going along or serving at Christian events or camps. Consider studying something part-time at Bible college. They can be a great way to meet a mature Christian girl who is serious about serving Jesus and growing in her faith.

Title	Introduction Post + Question For Community \| 24m
Author	highlvlproblemsolver
Upvotes	9
Comments	8
Date	September 7, 2020 6:43 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/io2l1g/introduction_post_question_for_community_24m/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/introduction-post-question-for-community-24m.212656 https://theredarchive.com/post/212656