I'm so uncomfortable and nervous around women

resnine · 2019-02-13T23:05:04+00:00

Positive upbringing, positive social reinforcement throughout their life. These things are crucial. I'm not saying that building yourself up from the inside out isn't important too, obviously it is. You are a product of your environment and genetics. Now if you didn't have this sort of upbringing things are reasonably harder. You then dust yourself off and pull yourself up. Critical is finding where the root problems are and getting to fixing your life.

Life is a lottery man, some people get lucky and have a supportive family, money, and good social conditioning throughout school. This of course boosts their self-esteem and makes escalating and general socializing much easier.

I could be wrong here, maybe you had a good upbringing and environment. But generally if you are here some thing(s) is/are out-of-balance and you have to find out what that/those thing(s) is/are. Finding those root problems and understanding your past puts a lot into context. There are some critical areas that you must get in check, which are:

Sleep
Diet
Exercise
Meditation
Organizing and utilizing your time (plan your time hour by hour the night before)
Self-improvement through: reading, learning, and understanding yourself

You must take a very serious look at those areas, and do serious work on yourself.

gjuan3250 · 2019-02-13T23:25:21+00:00

You are nervous because you aren’t used to it and its not going to go away unless you make it a habit to approach women

Don_Draper27 · 2019-02-14T00:03:09+00:00

You get better at it with practice.

The more girls you have success with, the more experience you have, and the more abundance mentality you build help you become more bold and direct with your intentions. You're less afraid to be rejected and you DGAF because you already see other girls you want to approach.

Read "The Game" and notice how the author navigates through his pick-ups based on the experiences he goes through. He starts off being completely afraid to approach any girl and 2 years later he's having orgies with porn stars.

NASCARnormie · 2019-02-14T00:21:12+00:00

Your only choice then is to become a gay hermit.

Zanford · 2019-02-14T01:29:12+00:00

Then you need to be uncomfortable and nervous around women much much much more often, and you will start to become comfortable and confident. There is no substitute for practice.

beachbbqlover · 2019-02-14T05:27:24+00:00

Most people here have an entirely different frame of mind than I do, but here's what I have to say.

My Advice:

**Get out of your own head.**

Go people watching without staring and try to understand other people's perceptions, vibes, thoughts, and feelings.

My Story:

I have personally picked up 3 women with 4 words.

How?

I do it differently. I see it from their eyes.

One was beautiful. Confident. Gets way too much attention. She was in her bar. She knew everyone there. She was famous. I only came occasionally and was wing-man for my friend who was there with her friend. The common play is to be cool, or to sit their drooling like an idiot. I wanted to shock her. I whispered "wow" while maintaining eye contact and pulling her chair out right beside me instead of having her where she was going to. But I did it before she had chosen. I was shy at the right moment, just before the spell broke and she rejected it in her head as being too intense. I looked over at my friend who had watched the whole thing play out and let out a nervous chuckle and mouthed wow, beaming inside so he could laugh too and change focus, and she could see I meant it genuinely. I resumed before she could think the moment was gone. I was reading her. Now she was curious because she saw what I just did. 25 seconds later my fingers were on her cheek. I lived with her for 5 months and was beyond having no game for the last 4 of them. #Regrets.

But you can't do that if you can't read people, and empathize with them. To become them, and without thought feel yourself reacting instinctively. Instead you just pick up barflies with lame jokes. It lacks depth and intensity. It lacks substance.

Perfection is engineering experiences with nothing but a gesture, and to do that, you need to get outside of your own head.

masterduelistky · 2019-02-14T00:20:59+00:00

Same for me. It’s a hard mindset to break. It always makes my anxiety so much worse because it’s like I’m fighting myself not to talk or be attracted to women.

BigDickEnergy123 · 2019-02-14T01:58:35+00:00

The more you do it, the easier it gets.

The more opportunities you create, the better options you have.

This isn't just regarding women, but anything in life.

zxcvb7809 · 2019-02-14T09:47:46+00:00

I think you were probably raised in a world where women are angels and men are dogs. Where if you have sex with a woman and she changes her mind later you raped her. Where if you were drunk and she were drunk you raped her. Where if you bump into her its sexual assault even if it was on accident. Where if you like a girl you do really nice things for her and don't push for sex. Don't expect her to pay for anything or be accountable for her actions especially if she is on her period. For holidays get her nice things. When she is ready to settle down and have kids get her a diamond ring to prove you love her. And wait until she is ready, wait by her hand and foot. Happy wife happy life.. blah blah blah.

That is what society says. It is hard to override years of programming. But it is necessary.

Women are people just like you and me. They are to be held accountable for their actions, just like you and me. She is literally no better than you are. There is no pedestal. Her purpose at the end of the day is the same as yours to fuck. This realization has to be made.

I use to have trouble going up to women I found attractive as well because I didn't want to do anything wrong. Talking to women was walking on egg shells. Not anymore. I treat them like everyone else. I really don't like talking to them though unless I think they like me. Like if I catch them staring on 2 or 3 occasions. Or they are receptive to conversation beyond hi how are you.

Best of luck.

PolesWithGoals · 2019-02-14T06:10:31+00:00

How to get sex easily:

Be attractive

reddituser1103 · 2019-02-14T00:10:09+00:00

Easiest way to meet women is through social circle game

gbnz87 · 2019-02-14T03:07:18+00:00

Your parents and families attitude towards these things makes a big difference. If your parents are very touchy feely it will seem more natural to you.

As long as you've identified the problem you just need to work on yourself. Once you are happy and confident in who you are you will be more open in sharing that with a woman. You can also look at some natural ways in which you can boost your testosterone (which will make you more willing to take risks)

The biggest thing that it eventually comes down to is experience. Once you've done something 10 times it's a lot easier than your first. Just keep at it and results will come.

linkschode · 2019-02-14T09:23:40+00:00

Your sense of self worth is still totally wrapped up in whether or not you get approval from females. I mean, of course it is for all of us - if none of us ever got attention from a single woman we’d be devastated.

But the trick is to stop applying this to individual interactions. You have to not care at all whether or not she approves.

I saw someone here say that confidence is certainty about the future. So a confident guy would be sure the girl would like him and thus she would pick up on this confidence and like him, yes? No.

A confident guy knows that girls like him in general. This means he also knows some girls won’t like him. So he’s certain that some girls will like him, and some won’t - and he’s ok with this. This means that he doesn’t care if a girl in a single interaction doesn’t like him, he just calmly moves on to the next one and the rejection doesn’t phase him in the least. That is the confidence women are talking about when they say they find confidence attractive. I’d call the first kind of confidence I mentioned arrogance. Women generally do NOT find this sort of confidence attractive.

So yes, meta confidence is true confidence. Confidence in every interaction that you’re going to get the girl is false confidence. Why? If you’re confident in every point interaction that you’ll get the girl, you will get rejected, this is arrogance.

Don’t be arrogant. Be meta confident.

xx-Rain_Maker-xx · 2019-02-14T09:40:10+00:00

Take dancing lessons. You'll have to interact with and touch a lot of women. I've noticed that some people is very nervous during the first lesson, but after a couple of sessions they significantly relax.

chazthundergut · 2019-02-14T06:46:03+00:00

You've spent too long pedestalizing females and satisfying your natural hunger with pornography.

Keep approaching, keep getting numbers, keep trying. Toughen up your leather. You should be comfortable with a woman's animosity

Title	I'm so uncomfortable and nervous around women
Author	Sitchnatio
Upvotes	96
Comments	51
Date	February 13, 2019 10:49 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/aqcnnf/im_so_uncomfortable_and_nervous_around_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/im-so-uncomfortable-and-nervous-around-women.215105 https://theredarchive.com/post/215105