I’m really thankful for all the replies on that post! It has been about 6 days. I have tried really hard to keep my thoughts to myself (when they don’t help the situation at hand and especially if they are snarky). I have done really well with the exception of one evening where I was super tired.

I texted him an apology after he left saying that I was sorry for being disrespectful and for treating him like a child. I have really spent a lot of energy on self care (especially sleep and waking early before the kids to get time to myself and getting a nap when they nap). We actually had a lot of good conversation where I was able to explain that my stress levels feel really high and I end up just being irritable as a result. I am aware that won’t help either of us (or the kids) in the long run. Which I am well aware remain in the realm of my responsibility. So he was really supportive of me getting to bed earlier and we also decided to declare a weekly “Sabbath “ - no outside commitments & no big cleaning/house projects. Just low key hanging out as a family.
So my being way less defensive/irritable/snappy led to a really relaxed Sunday. We got the younger kids to nap, the older kids playing a video game... and we had some nice “alone time” ;). We also had some good conversation that felt like another step in rebuilding things — which led him to being really vulnerable with me this morning about what he is going through.
And thanks to an idea from one comment - we are going on a mini getaway next weekend!