Chapter 11: Family Finances

Welcome RPW. We are continuing on our journey reading Fascinating Womanhood. We will review one chapter a week. If you missed last week’s post you can find it here Feel free to comment about your assignments from last week if you have anything to add. We are wrapping up the “Understanding Men” section in a few short weeks.

Family Finances:

”You can measure your standard of living, not so much by your income as by how well you manage the money…Families with low incomes sometimes live in more comfort than those with more, due to the skill of money management.”

Assumptions

This Chapter starts of by summarizing the Masculine Roles of Leading, Protecting, and Providing. It begins with an assumption that he is doing these things and moves on from there. Last week we discussed some ways in which we can appreciate and admire what your Captain provides, even if more than one income is coming into the house. There’s still something to be gained from this chapter, even if we must be adaptable.

The Husband’s Role:

Provide the Money This was discussed at length in the previous Chapter

Manage the Money This includes paying monthly utilities, bills, mortgages, car payments, insurances, etc. It also includes taxes, (it’s that time of year!), or any fees for accounting professionals who may assist you. He should also plan and budget for major expenses and planning such as furniture, appliances, and other items not within the regular budget. If he manages money well and accumulates savings, he may save or invest at his discretion.

Concern, Worry

The Wife’s Role:

Be Thrifty- Find ways to work within your budget, without accumulating debts. Small daily disciplines, while meager on their own, matter over the continuum of time.

Cooperate with His Plans- Sometimes goals change, sometimes a new job causes major changes, sacrifices, or even relocation. I also think this is a sweet example of women who find their Captain early while he is still completing his education.

Provide a Peaceful Home Life- When things are right at home it can make it easier to go out into the world every day with renewed spirits and efforts.

The Wife’s Budget

”A simple solution to common money problems is the wife’s budget, which covers food, clothing, household goods, personal items, or anything in regular demand.”

This budget should be advanced weekly or monthly. The amount should be fair and generous enough to leave room saving or splurging on other whims or desired expenses. This generosity and wiggle room should be a motivation to increase thriftiness, not a stepping stone for desiring more and more. It also gives some freedom and personal responsibility.

In Times of Financial Distress

Reduce Expenses: This may seem uncomfortable, but anxiety over difficulties over money do not go away if you ignore them. Taking action can help everyone feel more in control. Review expenses with your Captain and find ways to cut back.

Trim the Luxuries: Take even more drastic action against unnecessary expenses. Make sure you are living well within his income. This is not only important for the wallet, but for his psyche as well.

Problems in Family Finances:

Confusion of Roles: Interesting scenarios are presented here. For example, take the man who earns his money and asks his wife to manage it. She manages it very carefully, with lots of thought and effort, and some of her carefully managed money goes into savings. When he reviews the bank accounts and sees some extra money, he spends it and feels justified in doing so, because he earned it. He didn’t manage it, he didn’t worry about it, and he didn’t have the whole picture when he decided to spend it.

”The role of money management and control of the purse strings belong inseparably together. If the wife manages the money and worries about it, she should have the power of decision in investing it, or spending it.”

There is further confusion of role when women work outside of the home. If the women is too busy working and worrying about finances that she is neglecting the duties in the home, neither party is refreshed upon arriving back ant home, and neither party gets the needed peace and rest needed to solve tight finances or get ahead with better paying work.

As an aside, I think it would be fair if a woman’s work away from home was necessary and did provide the ability to hire help to manage the home, such a cleaning service, child care, or personal shopper that a compromise could be made that the woman could manage and worry about this. Thoughts?

”Because women spend so much time away from home working, they learn extravagant habits of spending to save time.”

I think this is something that both genders can be guilty of. But this really struck a chord with me. There are so many times during the day when I ask myself, “Is this worth my time, or should I spend the money?” This could include preparing healthy home cooked meals, or repairing clothing that has a tear or loose buttons. I commonly hear about couples who use housekeeping services, and I DO NOT disparage that- it’s a huge help! But sometimes I consider things like should I pay to have the carpets steamed, or should I do it myself? Interesting thought experiment to see if every expense that I use to save time is really justified.

Stress of the Wife: As an example, a man brings his paycheck home and asks her to manage the money. She did very well, they had a great marriage, and they had several children. Eventually money became tighter and tighter as their family grew. She came to her husband and told him her worries. He wasn’t used to thinking about these things, and didn’t know what to do. Later, he was offered a higher paying job, but they would have to move. He turned it down because of that inconvenience, he didn’t understand the pressing necessity of a higher paying job.

”When a man forfeits his position as a money manager, he should also forfeit control over the money.”

When women become stressed about money, they lose their sparkle and charm, their girlishness and pleasant feminine qualities when they are worried.

”Men worry about money too, but they have more temperament for it and can do more about it. If they don’t have enough money they can work a little harder to increase their income.”

When a Man Makes a Mess of Things: How would you handle the situation if you forfeit this responsibility and your Captain makes a mistake. Maybe he misses something, a payment, or overdraws an account. How would you handle it? It is suggested that if this happens, let go more completely. Don’t check, don’t inspect, don’t inquire, this is his responsibility now. If he manages the money poorly it is his responsibility now. This is the only way to show him that you trust him to lead, and that he must lead, he doesn’t have another option to fall back on. If it has been a while since he has had responsibility for the finances, he may lack the experience, and would be bound to make a few mistakes. Let him learn from them. Once you let go completely, he will feel the weight of the responsibility.

Children and Family Finances

Children should be protected from worrying about money, but they should also have the opportunity to learn the responsibilities and value of money. Financial literacy in the United States is so poor. Make sure that education about money comes from you, it’s obviously not being taught elsewhere! These are suggestions:

Allowance:

”When a child is small he should be given an allowance so he can learn the value of money. However, when you give a child an allowance, don’t expect him to do jobs around the house as a compensation. He should be taught to do his jobs as part of the family work.”

Work: When children are old enough they should seek out extra work, going above and beyond, to earn money. Maybe these could be bigger, dirtier, more labor intensive chores. (Not just cleaning their rooms!) The author suggests a paper route, but that seems totally unrealistic in modern times.

Managing the Money It’s import to teach your child how to save and manage his money. Encourage him to save half of what he earn into a bank account. Encourage him to take a quarter of the money to save for something that he wants. The other quarter of the money can be used for immediate expenses.

Assignment:

  1. ”If you have been managing the finances and want to be relieved of this worry, read the principles in this chapter to your husband and discuss it with him. If he agrees, you’re off to a food start. If not, say something like this: “I can’t handle this any longer. It’s a burden to me. It wouldn’t be nearly as difficult for you. You are a man. Please relieve me of this responsibility. Will you take it over completely?” If he still refuses, don’t make an issue of it at this time. Wait until you have applied all of Fascinating Womanhood.”

  2. Read Chapter 12: Masculine Pride

Further Reading

Tips from Laura Doyle’s Surrendered Wife

And now from Laura Doyle’s Actual Blog

And a coolguide about subreddits about finance I think Surrendering this to your Captain would be more meaningful if you weren’t financially illiterate and could appreciate the responsibility. This subreddit also has great information about budgeting and avoiding debt.