one of us! one of us! (x-post /r/deadbedrooms and /r/bestof)

Aerobus · 2015-03-29T01:26:04+00:00

Women like the OP of the deadbedrooms post are why men don't want to get married anymore.

[deleted] · 2015-03-28T22:49:06+00:00

further down in the comments a poster calls out her condemnation of the sexless wife as "horribly misguided and sexist."

wonderfly11's response to this:

It's a common fallacy that any criticism of a woman is "sexist". The problem with this fallacy is that it requires the woman to be the weak, helpless victim, which is wait for it... sexist.

boom!

[deleted] · 2015-03-28T22:57:39+00:00

I know this wasn't the comment you pointed to but the first comment really stood out to me. Something to the effect of, she's sooo worried about what people think about them and keeping up appearences, but what is SHE actually DOING to maintain the marriage. And that she needs to work on herself or else her husband will leave her. That is the million dollar question I think with a lot of relationship problems!

lisfb · 2015-03-28T23:04:49+00:00

Very interesting thread, I feel so bad for the husband. How can anyone be so inconsiderate and selfish?

rattamahatta · 2015-03-29T07:24:11+00:00

Screenshot before it was deleted http://i.imgur.com/eBamqaU.png

SarahC · 2015-03-28T23:12:37+00:00

/u/wonderfly11's response is amazing, and I'm going to copy it here for users that don't click through to the original thread. She gives amazing advice and has a fantastic perspective.

As a woman with kids, I feel you are taking advantage of your husband and probably driving an enormous wedge between you two. Instead of gently leading you into a discussion about maintaining your identity as a mother and a wife, I'll ask you to consider the end game here.

There are women everywhere who love sex, you were one once. Your husband sounds like a great catch, since he's stayed with you while being neglected and made to feel undesirable. If sex isn't important to you, then of course you won't mind if he gets it somewhere else, right? What will happen to your libido when he leaves you for a passionate woman? Who, by your age, will probably have kids of her own, thus proving that it's possible to love your kids and your partner. When he leaves and you find yourself single, you reckon it will be easy to find another partner you don't have to have sex with? Or will you somehow get your ass in gear, get in shape, fix your hair, and magically remember how to flirt, seduce, and give blow jobs again? My suspicions are the latter.

I run the lab for an ob/gyn. I have the bad luck of sharing an open lab with a waiting room wall and end up in awkward conversations all day long with patients and husbands. Mostly husbands, as they wander over to the cute girl to ask questions about sex during pregnancy and after. It puts me in the worst position as I'm not ethically allowed to speculate on what happens to their wives that they suddenly feel entitled to all the perks of the relationship: the security, the home, the money, and the social status of marriage while withdrawing the singular act which separates their relationship from one with a sibling. I can't say anything to them, but I can tell you what they say to me. They proposition me. Every day, sometimes only one guy, some days it's all the husbands and fathers. And they don't think this is funny. They are miserable and angry and feeling used and I don't blame them. You can't feel it because you have no idea what it feels like to be shunned and rejected every day by the person who would hang the moon for you. What you are doing isn't just insensitive, it's hateful and it's guaranteed to make him love you less until he doesn't love you at all.

No one expects their wife to become a porn star after children. But if you can't manage to muster up some enthusiasm for intimacy that is somewhere between what you used to land him and what he's getting now, you are responsible for what happens next. Why in the world you'd give up the love and attention of a good man is beyond me. Sex is good for you. It strengthens your bond. That bond is good for your family. And it's the difference between a bitter, angry and distant couple and that great Romance worth toasting on your 25th anniversary.

You get to decide. Do you want a full life and a stronger marriage and happier family? Or do you just want to neglect him and bleed him dry until he cheats or leaves you to be with a passionate woman who will love him and your kids?

Beautifully written. :0)

TheToastTot · 2015-03-29T21:54:09+00:00

Oh man. I discovered that post because a bunch of twox shrews were complaining about it.

Of course they took the poor OP's side. The poor OP who has a wonderful husband, a husband that finds her attractive, a husband that stayed with her despite the non-existent sex life.

Their solution by the way? "THEY COULD HAVE JUST COMMUNICATEDDDDD" or "HE SHOULD THINK ABOUT HER FEELINGSSSS"

[deleted] · 2015-03-29T05:44:28+00:00

I saw that and just loved the hell out of it. And the fact that it's upvoted and gilded that much means even though most people won't admit the RP has it right in a lot of ways, they do agree with it in practice.
I feel so bad for the husband though. Stopped during pregnancy, and the kid is in preschool so at least 4 YEARS of basically no sex. That man is being neglected, and like the poster said, someone else may not neglect him.

marriedalpha · 2015-03-29T01:28:13+00:00

I come and visit RPW just because of these threads. Its great to see you girls so aware, I only hope I raise my daughters to be this enlightened.

through_a_ways · 2015-03-29T06:00:40+00:00

This is slightly off-topic, but as a man I'm always surprised by the tendency of women to delete their posts when someone calls them on their bullshit. I'm a man and if someone types a "you're wrong" reply to me that gets massively upvoted, then I'll either think "oh, I was wrong" and leave my post so that other people may learn from my mistake, or I think "I'm still right" and leave my post. I don't think "oh no, my online persona is losing internet points, better delete my post."

CopperFox3c · 2015-03-28T23:22:33+00:00

That's a woman who understands the reality of things. I think they used to call that "common sense." Maybe one of you ladies should invite her over here, think she would fit in well ...

trent_steele2015 · 2015-03-29T22:26:38+00:00

Actually here is the main post for those interested : http://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/30l3xh/perspective_from_a_ll_f/

[deleted] · 2015-03-31T02:28:02+00:00

I read that the other day on a different subreddit. She talks about all of the other things in the marriage that should make her husband happy. However, sex, at least for most men, is like a governor (limiting factor) on a relationship. The relationship can never be better than the sex. Sex alone won't make a relationship, but sex alone can and will limit it (it can also unleash it).

ohsnapt · 2015-04-03T08:54:11+00:00

Well that is certainly a nice sentiment.

But what's she supposed to do? She doesn't enjoy the sex. Maybe he's bad at it. Are you supposed to just "suck it up" pardon the pun, and have sex you hate, for the rest of your life?

Title	one of us! one of us! (x-post /r/deadbedrooms and /r/bestof)
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	64
Comments	40
Date	March 28, 2015 10:38 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/30n6a4/one_of_us_one_of_us_xpost_rdeadbedrooms_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/one-of-us-one-of-us-x-post-rdeadbedrooms-and.2228 https://theredarchive.com/post/2228