This was a bit under 2 months ago. We've been going out 4 months now. So it's been quite a while since this happened. Thought I'd try handling it on my own instead of going here for advice but not feeling great about it today so I want your opinions. To tell me where I might of fucked up, and where I should go from where I am now. Sorry it'll be kind of a long post.

Basically I was going to visit my parents house. My gf wanted to come along so I said yeah sure why not. My friend was also coming over and we're both musicians so I thought I'd work on some music with him while he's over. When I get there I learn my older brother is over. He's a bit of a dork but has a well paying job and earns a lot of money and lives in Germany. My gf has always wanted to go to Germany for some reason. So early on in the night I go in to my room to work on music with my friend for a couple hours. It doesn't go too well so I'm not in the best mood after. My girlfriend stayed in the sitting room where my brother and parents were. I checked on her a couple times to make sure she was okay cos she's kinda shy and seemed really awkward in there. Notice my parents had given her alcohol.

When I'm done I go out there and sit down. Now my parents have always had very little respect for me, they constantly talk down to me and praise my brother. Mostly in the form of jokes, like they'll say to other people "Oh theres (brother) my successful son, and then theres (me). Haha." So I'm guessing they've been doing that a bit while I was gone. Sure enough as soon as I sit down, I'm already not in a good mood since we didn't really get anywhere working on the music, my mom says "Are you okay?" and my dad says "He's upset cos its the first bit of work he's done in his whole life." which pisses me off but I bit my tongue and laughed it off.

Later, me, my brother, my friend and my gf go off to chat at a table. I notice my gf is a bit drunk from the alcohol my parents gave her. We were talking for hours and most of it was normal so what I'm talking about now isn't the majority of the night, and she was kissing me a lot and sitting on my lap and things like that which I mostly rejected. I had a feeling my gf was giving too much attention to my brother. 4 things in particular pissed me off a lot.

1, she kept saying she wanted us to visit him in Germany. I know she'd been obsessed with Germany already so this isn't really a big deal.

2, she was asking about his girlfriend and said she was "jealous of her" because of how much money he has and living in Germany. Then she started asking for her facebook or her number cos she wants to talk to her. Me and my brother both said that's really weird.

3, she asked him how tall he was. Her, my brother and my friend stood up to compare heights. She stared at him mostly, but also looked at my friend. While comparing she drew on his face with a pen as a joke.

The last one is the worst. These are pushing it but I wouldn't consider them outrageously disrespectful. Except for maybe the "I'm so jealous" thing. Anyway, she notices I'm getting in a worse and worse mood. I'm kind of freaked out by the whole situation because it's my family so I don't want to say anything or know what to do. She says she wants to go in my room, so I go with her and she starts kissing me and escalating towards sex but I shut her down and say I'm not in the mood. I ask her if she just wants to talk in here instead. She keeps asking me whats wrong. I just say I'm not in a good mood and she keeps asking. Eventually she says she's not gonna sit in here with me being unhappy all night and walks out.

While out there my brother keeps escalating the conversations towards sex (joking around with the group not her in particular) which again pisses me off. But I just joke around and work on lifting my mood up a bit.

So they go to watch TV with my gf sitting on my lap, next to my friend and my brother across the room. Now at my parents house they always give my brother the double bed and put me on a shitty mattress to sleep on. My gf decides she wants the big bed so she asks me to try and get it. I say no I'm fine with this bed, and to stop asking me because I know the situation better than she does. She decides to bring it up and asks my brother if we can sleep in the big bed. He says no. Then she says "Oh can I sleep in it with you then?" and immediately turns to me and says "Oh no Im joking Im joking!" and kisses me.

I get up say I need to go the bathroom and walk out. Then after I make a cigarette and my friend comes out, we talk for a bit. Then he goes back in there. I go back in a minute later and now my gf is on the floor sitting near my brother talking to him. I sit down and watch TV for a while. Then my gf gets a phonecall and goes into my room to answer it. After a while I go back to my room and shes still on the phone. I overhear a bit complaining about how I acted a few weeks before cos I ignored her for a while. Then she said "(friend) and (brother) are nice though." when I opened the door. The spend the rest of the night in there, have sex and when we wake up everyone is gone.

The next month I act very cold with her. I didn't plan on it, just as a reaction to how I felt. I was trying to push it out of my mind I guess. For the most part our relationship is great, she always does what I want. Hates going places without me, stays at home all the time. Never refuses any kind of sex I want and praises me often.

Then one night over the phone she said my brother had been messaging her on facebook after she accidentally liked one of his posts. I know she stalks everyone I know's facebook a lot. She does that all the time and that night it happened she was asking me about my friends facebooks. She said she was just talking about conspiracy theories with him. I decide to wait till in person to talk about it.

So the next day shes over, I tell her thats kind of weird cos I never message any of my brothers girlfriends. I ask her if I can see the conversation, she then tells me that he asked if she wanted dick pics and it was really weird, that she didnt want to tell me cos she thought I'd get mad and then handed me her phone.

It starts off with him saying "Whyd you like my post from 2 years ago? To let me know you've been creeping?" (2 years down his profile isn't very far, neither of us have much posted on facebook). She says "Oh no". He says "Subtle." She said she was looking up lots of peoples profiles cos she was bored and it was an accident. He said "oh so it was a genuine oh no. unfortunately theres not much interesting to see on my account". Last halloween he dressed up as a drag queen so he had a picture of that on his account and she says "Are you a drag queen?" Him: "No but I could be. I really slayed halloween" Her: "Dats so cool. Trannies are so cool." Him: "Yeah I can get dick pics whenever I want" Her: "which is of course, always" Him: "only my own though. its quite photogenic." Her: "ew. thats gay. you like your own dick. thats gay. " Him: "well you haven't seen it. I'd show you but facebook doesn't let you upload pictures that large". Her: "I dont want to lol. hahaha. hahahahha."

Then she mentioned how facebook blocks porn links in messages. He started talking about how one of my friends sent him a bunch of dick pics before as a joke. He doesnt use my name though, he says "other friend's, friend" instead which is very weird because he only knows him through me. At the end of that bit he says "well if you wanted dick pics from me you can blame the metoo movement for ruining that."

She doesnt respond to that and changed the topic to michael jackson and him being murdered and they start talking about other conspiracy theories. Then they start talking about germany again and my brother brings the topic back to sex saying how there are orgies everywhere in Berlin. She says "Oh yeah I heard of those. Bet you didn't get in." Him: 500 people get aids there every year Her: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha weak. Him: you can actually go on pornhub and type in the names of some of the nightclubs where I live and get videos of people fucking inside them. Her: Oh no, what have you been doing with your free time. Him: I'd get denied access if i tried to go in one Her: Hmmm why Him: Because you have to dress like Mr Slave Her: Do it, be brave (Me and her have a running joke about how you call someone brave when you think theyre a loser. Dunno if that applies here) Him: I'll go as a tranny Her: oh yea do that. you'll probably get raped but woops Him: ya by another tranny for using the word tranny Her: tranny on tranny crime so sad Him: sounds hot Her: loads of videos on pornhub for u

Funny part is he was criticizing Germans for being "sexually degenerate" this whole conversation.

He didn't reply to that and they havent messaged since. She said it creeped her out which is why she changed the topic to conspiracy theories. I don't say much about it because I want to talk it over with one of my friends who I really trust. Big guy I've known since I was a kid. Super muscly and in the army, extremely high confidence. I message him telling him everything I've wrote on here so far. He already considers my brother a beta bux cuck cos of how he acts with his girls like sent one tonnes of money while he was working abroad, while she fucked all his friends. And his current gf is German which is the reason he moved to Germany. We reason the following:

1, she was probably attracted to him that night due to status from the job and money, living in a foreign country, preselection from having a gf, me being in a bad mood that night lowering my status, my parents shitting on me and praising him, and lowered inhibitions from alcohol.

2, during the text conversation, half of those conditions where no longer met so she may have lost all tingles. Also he tried to flirt with her by bringing up how he watches porn. My friend thinks he came across as a dork then.

He is still unsure about the original night, he thinks she may have been making fun of him for being a dork when she did those things even then, but she wasnt there. I say I want to break up with her over it. Another possibility is that the whole thing was her shit testing me and she used my brother to do it because she felt it was safe.

The next day my girlfriend reads this whole conversation on the phone while I'm in the shower. I come out and shes crying. We talked about it.

She said that she did not see him as a threat so thought it was fine to make jokes like that. That she does think hes a dork and doesn't see him that way. She thinks I looked at it wrong because I was in a bad mood.

I told her that I can't know how she felt or feels, but how she acted made me really uncomfortable and I'm not okay with that. That clearly my brother saw those behaviors the same way I did since he was messaging her like that afterwards, and that the whole thing made me look bad.

She said she'll never drink again (She hasnt since. She never drank that much anyway though) She said she'll never make jokes like that again with anyone since she knows I'm not okay with that (As far as Im aware she hasn't since)

It's been 3 weeks since then and she has been behaving very well. For example one night me and a couple of her friends were at my friends house. And her friends wanted to go out. She went straight to me asking if I want to go out and I said no I want to stay with my friends and so she stayed with me instead of going out with them. She also has been complimenting me a lot and not started any pointless arguments.

So I don't know what to do now. The relationship is fine. She is behaving well. Seems to really love me. But I woke up this morning and I just couldn't get it out of my mind. How can I still trust her after all this? And where do I go from here?

Obviously, I need to work on getting a better job and more money so that sort of thing is less likely to affect me. For myself as well. Should I bring this up with my brother? I know he will just say the same thing she did "I was just joking I thought it was okay"

I need to avoid letting girls see my family again, since I know how my brother and parents will act now. I also want them to respect me. I was thinking of bringing this up with my parents and saying they really need to respect me more because it's starting to damage my relationships and my brother obviously isn't so great if that's how he can behave towards his own family members. I may not have as much money as him but at least I have loyalty and standards. This will be harder to do without breaking up with my current girlfriend though.

Is what happened a complete deal breaker or are her current efforts to maintain a relationship with me enough to move past that?