As women, it can be hard to understand angry men. Our instincts differ sharply, fundamentally, biologically. When I am faced with disappointment, betrayal, loss, failure, or frustration, I might shed a few tears, retreat to the embrace of those who love me, or process through meditation or other self care practices. We all have unique methods of handling difficult times, and while many of us may feel angry and upset at times, I have found that some women find an angry man unsettling and want them, especially those we love, to process more like women. But it’s disrespectful, and unreasonable, to expect men to behave like women during times of stress.

Part of my own personal development toward becoming the best partner and woman I can be has been to try to gain a deeper understanding and respect for my man when he is upset. I have begun to realize the immense responsibility that men carry every day that women, even in the modern era, do not have to bear on their shoulders. The men in our lives are fundamentally responsible for their own survival and wellbeing, as well as ours; they have been for thousands of years. This drive resides deep within their DNA. And while I have set out to have my own career as a nurse, I know that no matter how bad things get, he will take care of me.

Anger can manifest itself in destructive ways, which has significant consequences to society: war, homicide, mass shootings, and dangerous ideologies. But anger also can manifest itself in productive ways. The world was built on the backs of angry men – men who have seen the world, and set out to make it a better place. Men facing stress, frustration, and oppression have brought their families thousands of miles through treacherous oceans, plains, mountain ranges, in search of freedom and a better life. They have built homesteads, communities, and nations. They have died for causes they believed in, for the preservation of society, for the safety of their families.

And although in the modern era, our men are not pioneers and nation builders, they are each fighting their own battle. And when they experience conflict, whether a threat to their livelihood, community, or wellbeing, let them be angry. Because the opposite of anger is complacency. And a complacent man is weak, ineffectual, and a passive subject to a broken world. An angry man is a dangerous man, and only a dangerous man can keep my family safe. He has agency, he has ambition, he has drive. Give him something to fight for, not against. Respect productive anger. Let Men be Men. Or one day, there might not be any of them left.

Addendum: I of course am not referring to childlike temper tantrums, or manipulators, bullies, and abusers – that is weakness. I’m talking about men of strength, resolve, and passion. This should be obvious.

Have a lovely Sunday.