Hi all,

Medium-time lurker here. I found this sub a bit ago and despite it being quite contrary to much of what I thought I believed and knew...well I've read every post since then and at least 7 pages of the top posts of all time and pretty much immediately purchased "Surrendered Single" and read it in a day. So, there's something here. Anyway this is my first post and I just made this account for the exclusive use of RPW (at the behest of a post I found).

While I could not in earnest describe myself as RP (yet?), I wanted to contribute a bit of what I do believe I have locked down. You all place such a high priority on self-care which, BP or RP or other, is something I have learned to place an absolute premium on in the past 2 years and really sets me apart from my friends. To the point where, some of them aren't much of friends anymore. Call it judgmental but it just kills me to see them place no value on their health or long term well being and just accepting reality as whatever is easiest.

Anyway, self-care has proved to be a snowball effect. It started with the gym, but the principles of respecting my body have eked into more places and more places. I started out overweight after literally never exercising in my life (other than the yearly "I'm going to really do it this time!" 1-3 days of half-heartedly sprinting til I died and doing crunches -- anyone else relate?) and now I'm in incredibly good shape. No fitness model for sure but I'd say upper 80-85% of the general population (and that may be less of a compliment to myself and more a low bar set by the general population). My skin is beautiful for the first time since youth and people (particularly women) comment on my teeth quite regularly (I don't even use whitening strips). I just feel great. I feel proud. And that was something I was used to not feeling. I don't have it all figured out, and hopefully you ladies can chime in with your tips and tricks as well, but here are some things I think many of us could benefit from.

Without further ado:

General

  • When it comes to all these things, my first motto is 'motivation is doing what you have to do, when you have to do it, because you want to do it; determination is doing what you have to do, when you have to do it, even when you don't want to do it.' Don't trust motivation. It's a wonderful feeling and it's amazing to feel so driven but if that's your primary vehicle for reaching your goals..you're going to run out of gas. Once you accept, in your heart of hearts, these things (particularly the loathsome gym visits) are a part of your day and you can't change it...you stop dreading it anymore. Dread comes from some part of you acknowledging, even in the tiniest percentage, that it's optional. It's not optional and you can't change the weather either.

  • My second motto is "consistency beats intensity". I think that speaks for itself, but don't beat yourself up for slip ups -- just keep swimming.

Fitness

The thing that blows my mind about exercise is how not obvious it is. I know the majority of times I gave up was because I truly didn't know what I was doing and it feels overwhelming. Figuring it all out takes longer than I could say in this post (as if I've figured it all out...) but maybe you can skip some of the initial horribleness.

  • First off, you should really enjoy it, where possible. It won't be all daisies all the time and I think it's good to subject yourself to unpleasantries in the name of the greater good, but at the same time you shouldn't hate it from start to finish. If you hate running, don't run. I began exclusively lifting weights for this reason. All I had done previously was lug my fat butt around the treadmill for a while and loathed it. Weight lifting is a great place to start. I suggest looking into Starting Strength, Brett Contreras 'Glute Goddess' routine, or even a standard 'bro split' (sorting the body into each muscle group and doing one group each day). It was extremely helpful to me to 1. Be doing a workout I enjoyed, and 2. Not going to the gym with any question as to what was happening that day.

  • If weightlifting is also not for you, I love rock climbing. As soon as I'm settled with a job I plan on getting a membership. It's an odd one that doesn't come to mind, but it's so much fun and really a great workout. Also observing your progress is straight forward and I think people underrate how important it is to watch yourself improve at a skill. It means a lot of good things for your whole frame of mind. Yoga is another obvious one. I also enjoy swimming though I haven't done it in far too long. Oh! Pole dancing. Love it. Could not recommend it enough -- it really is a beyond killer workout, it's also a great place to be around exclusively females, and if you enjoy it enough to bring it home with you the poles are shockingly affordable and I don't doubt any Captain would love a good show. If anyone does this please let me know! Beyond those suggestions there are also adult league sports.

  • Commit to your routine. If you can go 5/6 days a week...that is best. To me 5/6 days a week for 1-1.5 hours a day is the ideal. I've been doing that for the better part of 2 years, it means a lot to me and I couldn't do without it. Commit yourself to what you're doing and soon you'll need your gym fix. If that's a bit much then I think the minimum is 4 days. I personally love giving myself 4 out of 5 days or 5 out of 6 days of intense workouts, and then the last day I'll walk for 6 miles (about 90 minutes). It's a really relaxing time for me and often the only time all week I allow any TV. It's a reward I really look forward to.

  • For me, morning workout is best. I like to wake up at 4:45-5:30 and just get it done before anything else. It sucks at first, but I like to do it before I have time to overthink it and it does wonders for my energy and state of mind all day. I feel productive and proud and everything after that comes easier.

  • Also, start a workout notebook. Whatever your chosen exercise/sport/routine is-- log everything you can. I'm partial to Moleskin's calendar with the days of the week expressed vertically on lined paper, it's about the size of an index card and I keep it in my workout pack. I attribute much of my success to having a good system of accountability. It saves me time knowing how to improve from the week prior, and any day I don't exercise gets a big X. I've only twice missed more than a week, but each day I took the time to draw 7 big X's. Keep yourself honest. And now I have a collection of books that are a real source of pride for me. They help me not forget how far I've come when I get hard on myself.

  • Finally, do try not to be too hard on yourself. I went from a complacent chubby girl to the most self-critical one with a pretty rocking physique (though it usually doesn't feel that way). In my head I know there was a time where I would have slaughtered someone to look how I do know (though it never occurred to me that I didn't need to slaughter anyone, I could just...go to the gym), and now it sometimes feels nothing is good enough. I suppose it's the double-edged sword of self-improvement, but do what you can to celebrate your accomplishments. You deserve it!

(I know I've gone a mile wide and an inch deep on this post and have possibly blabbed too much, but if anyone wants more in-depth information -- routines, advice, etc -- PM me. I'm really passionate about helping people do what always seemed just out of reach because I spent many many years feeling the same and it's just nice to have resources)

Food

I swear I'll keep this section shorter, also you ladies cook a lot and I wouldn't be so condescending as to give you instructions on how to boil water.

Just a couple rules I try and follow:

  • On the food you purchase, the ingredients label should look like a recipe and not a science project. If you wouldn't keep sodium nitrate in your pantry, you don't need it in your chicken.

  • When ordering a salad out, dressing on the side. Restaurant dressings are often filled with more useless sugars and unhealthy fats than if you had just got the burger. Where possible, order a straight olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette.

  • Sugar is the devil. Some people process it better than others (from a purely aesthetic point of view), but frankly I would call it the worst thing for you in terms of health. Fruits and such are fine, but refined and processed sugars. Avoid. In all honesty, it's my greatest addiction and while I have it controlled, I don't have as much advice to offer as I'd like. I'd certainly be open to any tactics you all may have.

  • I highly recommend the book 'Thinside Out: Have your cake and skinny jeans too'. Being healthy and being obsessive compulsive can be a fine line that I am guilty of crossing to the wrong side of. Calorie trackers can be helpful or harmful. Weighing yourself can be helpful or harmful. I have helped and harmed with just about every tool given to me. This book is well-written and an easy read and it does a lot for me about breaking down the psychology of poor eating habits and emphasizing balance above all else.

  • For regular meals, I try and stick to things that live or grow (aka meat or veggies) and their 2nd or 3rd degree byproducts (aka yogurt, eggs, bread). Once you get beyond those (cereals, meal replacements) it's mostly crap with few exceptions.

  • I am not the master dietician or nutritionist -- I strongly encourage your own eating tips in the comments because these things are my passion and as a group that does prioritize self-care the way you do...I'm all ears!

Skin

  • /r/skincareaddiction is a fabulous resource, but here is my overview that's quite simplified and has done me oodles of good.

  • Keep it simple. Don't get a gimmick cleanser, Cetaphil or CeraVe are 2 good brands to start with. Only use your finger tips. Never scrub with a wash cloth (just stopping that cleared my skin up so much). If your skin feels dry and tight after washing, that isn't clean -- that's your skin stripped of oils and it's bad. I like a light cleansing in the morning and a more thorough one at night. Though just one at night and a splash of water in the AM may be good for you.

  • Moisturizer. Always moisturizer, if you have dry skin - moisturize. If you have oily skin, it's likely your skin overcompensating for dehydration - moisturize. I like CeraVe in the tub. Any time you cleanse, moisturize right after.

  • Sunscreen, wear it every day, and thank me in 20 years (many of you do this but it can really never be said enough). Also, make sure you're wearing enough. I believe the suggested amount is 1/4tsp (which seems like a lot) but that's how it's intended.

  • THIS MAY BE YOUR WHOLE SKINCARE ROUTINE. Cleanse and moisturize + SPF. Be gentle with your skin and that may do more for it than anything else. Less is more sounds shocking and contrary to every grapefruit, walnut core exfoliation, blah blah commercial -- but true.

  • Tea Tree Oil is great for spot control on budding pimples, be sure to dilute it though. I'll say: just doing the above for about 2 weeks only -- I bought tea tree oil and came home to try it...didn't have a single pimple to test it on. For my skin, that's crazy. I couldn't believe it. Most irrational disappointment beer, but true. I got to try it the next day though (of course), and it stopped that bad boy in its tracks. Tickle me impressed. I bought mine for $6.99 at Trader Joe's.

  • If you must exfoliate (which I must to get rid of those nasty little bumps), look into an AHA or BHA chemical exfoliant. They are much more gentle and uniform than physical scrubs. I'm not there yet, but quite looking forward to it.

  • Why am I not there yet? Wait a minimum of 1 week in between start products. It's really hard taking crap care of your skin, researching how to take better care of it, and not being able to do that all at once. Introduce one product at a time and change nothing else about what you already do. If you use everything at once and break out...you won't know what caused it and back to square one. I'm starting a new sunscreen this week and then a BHA next week. I'm really excited and have high hopes...but patience.

  • Non-facial care: AmLactin Lotion -- omg. It's a body lotion with the most gentle AHA chemical exfoliant in it. I use it on my body post-shower and I never believed my skin could be so smooth and beautiful. If you have any red bumps...run to Target and buy some now. It's very basic (and with skin care, basic is usually best -- keep it simple) and I love it. I've never had visibly pretty leg skin before (which is a curse after all the good exercise has done them) and now I couldn't be more enthused about wearing dresses. Note: it's a bit stinky, it doesn't bother me for too long but I warned you!

Dental Care

  • You only have to floss the teeth you want to keep.

  • Seriously this section is the most straight forward: brush your teeth twice a day, floss every day, and after you floss rinse with a mouthwash. That's it. Your teeth will never be so beautiful/healthy. Also, don't neglect your tongue. That's where bacteria really settle in, brush that guy too.

  • If this at all motivates you to floss (understanding why do something is always more helpful to me then how), here is why: it isn't to get crap out from between your teeth (though added benefit). That's where bacteria forms and think of them like a forming anthill and you stepping on them. Your preventing bacteria from making a home in your mouth and it's a battle to be fought every day. Do this and your whole mouth will be outrageously hygienic.

El Fin

I'll admit, when I started this guide I didn't intend for it to be so long. I hope despite the word count it is welcome and provides anything useful for anyone. Again, I can't emphasize enough, I would love any of your open tips/insights/suggestions for anything related to self-care. I'm quite passionate about it (as you can perhaps see).

Below I'll suggest a few more sections that I don't have any tips for, I'd love it if you gave your best strategies in the comments.

Mental Health

I'm an anxious wreck and full-time stress ball in no position to offer advice to anyone. (Except exercise, that has helped me immeasurably and beyond words). I'm including the section though because it is important, and again, I really encourage any suggestions you ladies may have as I could definitely use it!

Time Management

Definite an important skill that ties into the rest. How do you do it??

Sleep

Sleep is an often-underrated part of the self-care process. There is quantity and quality in regards to making the most of it, and many of us (definitely myself) find ourselves lacking in one or both sections. If you wake up feeling amazing, please post how you do it!

Relaxation

Quite similar to mental health, and they definitely go hand in hand. But I think one is more long-term and the other is more "how do you empty your mind for an hour or two?" Mind is always buzzing and I can't shut it off.

Hopefully some of you find this helpful, and some of you can contribute where I most certainly lack.

Cheers!