This is a question I've been meditating about for some months now.

Last year I was extremely obsessed with the idea of getting laid, and I'm sure it was mostly validational.

So I started looking for a mission, because I thought that would have been the solution to the problem.

On one hand, I managed to distract myself away from women for a while, but I realised I was actually escaping from my inner desire to get laid and mostly, to know I could get laid.

Let's say I've been in monk mode for the past 2 years, and really often whenever I could be approaching chicks, I came up with the excuse of "I can't, I'm in monk mode". (This often happened in my city. When I traveled abroad I approached and gamed chicks instead.)

Sounds ridicolous, right? Yet I'm sure there are many guys here with this same problem:

Monk mode as a way of escaping one's true inner desires (which 99% of the times it's about fucking women and have an abundance of them) covered by irrational fears.

I've always been a follower of "follow your mission" theory, but I realised that my inner self was always screaming "I want to get laid and feel what having an abundance of women is like!" instead*.*

I was always escaping from my inner self's desires and voices.

I still haven't found my mission. I tried different things, but It's like I can't enjoy anything in life because underneath lies deep rooted this validational desire to have women in my life.

Matter of fact, even thought I'm good looking and jacked, I always avoided women due to my fear of them. I had many women come to me and send obvious IOI's, which I (almost) always avoided. I luckily passed that point of fearing them and my frame got much stronger.

Point is, I've never really experienced what it's like to have plates, or what it's like to have true abundance, and not faked abundance. Because I realised I was always been faking abundance. Acting like I had 5 10's who wanted to fuck me at any moment, while in reality I was fucking nobody. That just brought frustration. I was fooling myself.

Not that I actually couldn't go out and really get those 10's if I only tried and approached them on a daily basis. That was clearly possible. Everyone thinks I get laid every night due to my looks and physique, yet reality is different.

Again, I actually could get laid if I went out and approached 1-2 chicks a day. I'm sure everyone could get laid if he approached regularly. Everything else are just limiting beliefs.

Anyways, anything I do, seems like a way to escape from that desire of abundance of women.

So my question is, do you think one should FIRST experience what having an abundance of sex is like, and learn how to get laid easily, and only then start focusing on more important shit?

Actually, my life is in order on some point. I'm still in HS and the only thing I'm missing tho is "Who I want to become in next few years" (my mission). I lift 6 days a week and fixed my life a lot in the last years. Went from the ugliest guy to one of the most good looking guys in my school in 3-4 years. Plus to that, I gave up all the negative hobbies (stopped porn addiction, stopped eating garbage, stopped watching tv, stopped playing videogames and so on).