I get it for the most part. They want to have fun.

But are they able to look at their emotions from an objective perspective? Women usually seem to have some ulterior motive which, after some digging, always turns out to be an emotional reason.

Are there women who can look objectively at their inner workings and, from a serene perspective, decide to their advantage independent of what they feel? Usually that leads to the teary "I must do the right thing oh nooooo" drama which hurts them so badly that it doesn't even pay off.

Am I getting the wrong women? Or am I looking for a man disguised as a woman? I can't draw the line right now.

--------------FURTHER ELABORATION---------------

I find myself between two women at the moment, both 6y older than me. That is a welcome change after breaking up with a 5y younger chick who I just couldn't bear anymore for a reason I call 'immaturity'. They seemed pretty contrary at the beginning, but now I start to see similarities.

One of those women, I will call her Clara, obviously is living a highly novelty-oriented lifestyle to plaster something up. There is only one emotion she allows herself to have, fun, and whenever I create rapport with her, I will have to fight with her routines jumping into smalltalk. She seems to be dependent on her emotions being in a specific state.

The other one, Kathi, at first sight seems to have a normal mode of engaging with the world. However, looking closely I found out that she on the other hand seeks validation, fame and money. That again is not optional for her but a necessity. Even though it is easy to get her into rapport, there will always be the imperative of validation or a focus on productivity. That sounds good enough, but forcing a focus on productivity will not allow maximum productivity.

Kathi seemed more grounded and responsible at first, but now I see that her emotions will get the best of her when she has to decide between her family and her status - much like Clara, who I guess would have the same difficulty with her need for fun.

Now I don't need any sex, validation or anything else a woman can offer in the short term any more. The one thing I really am interested in is self actualization. In that regard, I have reached a point at which I believe that having children would be the most effective way for improvement, apart from bringing great joy into my life.

I am looking for a woman to bear my children and look after them first and foremost. To do her best, she should regularly use self reflection and possess emotional maturity. She should be able to entertain herself at least for a few hours and be able to make decisions without being swayed by emotions. She should be honest to the advantage of the family, even if it is to her detriment. She should know herself well enough to deal with negative emotions herself effectively in a safe way, not getting into pointless arguments or regressing to other stupid actions.

I achieved serenity through meditation. However watching women meditate I always see an emotional program going on: 'I'll meditate to forget about the other thing', 'I'll meditate because it is good and then I am good', 'I'll meditate and see what happens', 'There's this cool meditation group with nice people', opposed to 'I want to achieve lucidity to make the best possible decisions in life and be happy'.

They don't even seem to want serenity, clarity, emotionless happiness like e.g. in Zen. The only spirituality I know from women usually revolves around this stupid word 'energies' by which they actually mean, yeah you guessed it, emotions. This is something very important to me though. Is it true what most religions say, that women cannot be as spiritual as men? Are they too physical to be spiritual and thus not able to think clearly, ever?

Because if that is the case, I will have to deny them until I have enough money to really keep them entertained. The never ending flow of cake, music, socializing and other useless activities they need I just don't want to deal with. The depth I hoped to find in any woman never showed itself. I can't build trust with a man whose highest priority is to 'have fun' or 'feel important' or 'feel xyz'. Maybe there is another way to know you can trust a woman. Anyhow, I thought there might at least be a woman who could train herself to work with her emotions in a way to make her useful as a mother, like 'I want to feel responsible for and connected to children'.

But it looks like they are their emotions' slaves. It looks like when they feel an emotion, that is the world, and there are no options. Emotions are holy and not to be touched. Which leads to them being mindless echos of today's media, to top it all off.

The only advantage I noticed is the infrequent acuity of their intuitions. In situations when I don't know how to decide, they usually know which path will lead to good unforeseen (for me) consequences, though that might come from heuristics they learned from past lovers.

Furthermore: Due to this innate emotionality, is there even a possibility for a woman not to be broken for life after her first breakup? To me it seems that every breakup a woman experiences makes her more cynical, less happy and less trustable. Fresh is the only way, or am I wrong?

Well, that should be it. Thank you for reading this goliath!