Hi everyone. I made a throwaway account because my friends know my original account. I had already posted on another subreddit. I thought the women of RP could give me another perspective?

Coming to the story, I am a Christian. I met my boyfriend - lets call him Peter, in church. I've attended this church for 2.5 years now. He is a worship leader there. We did not speak for the first year - actually I didn't speak to anyone there the first year as I am very socially awkward. After a year I made friends there and became a prominent member of the church, involving actively in church activities. After going to certain events together, we spoke a little and after a month he told me that maybe we should get to know each other and consider marriage. I wasn't interested at first as he is the exact opposite of my type or guys that I generally like. The next 3-5 months he put a lot of effort to spend time with me, talk to me, get to know me better, pray for me etc. I have been lonely most of my life, so I easily get attached to people. Even though he's different from the idea of a man I had in my heart, I got too attached to him and eventually fell in love with him. He told me loves me within 3 months and even though I liked him, I wanted to take my time so I asked him for some time to know him better as he isn't much of a talker and doesn't tell me much about himself. I've tried to make deep conversation to understand him better and every time he brushes it off saying I'm a simple man, I don't have any special liking or interests.

After 4 months and still not finding anything in common that we can connect on, I gave up and said I can't work with this since I can't connect to him at all. Also he's kind of a very stoic person and he gets angry very easily. I have shared every important aspect of my life with him, my interests, dreams, likes, dislikes and even that part I hate to speak about the most - My childhood. Even though I haven't told him entirely about how much I was abused and beaten by my parents I have shared to an extent. My biggest fear in my life is that I'll end up in an abusive marriage and that my adulthood will be just like my childhood and that I will never find happiness. Even though he never gave me a reason to believe he would hit me, his anger and the way he shouts when I do something wrong makes me wonder what if someday I speak up and do not agree with what he says, what he would do?

Anyway I had a lot of fear running in my heart and I thought about it and decided that maybe I let all the fears in my heart make the decision for me and I called it off out of fear. So I maybe I should give him another chance and tell him that I love him too. So I gathered the courage and told him after 3 weeks that I love him and maybe we should give it another try. He agreed. I was overjoyed. Finally I can return his feelings and share our feelings with each other.

But ever since then the way he talks to me is very formal and distant. He doesn't call me anymore. Just texts. Doesn't want to go out anywhere. Every time I speak to him I feel like I am talking to a stranger. We always made sure to spend time doing activities in public so that we don't do anything wrong. So its not like I am calling him home. But every time I suggest something he turns it down. Every No breaks my heart. I never want to be in a position where I have to beg for someone's love or time. I asked him why he is being so distant he said that He can only treat me specially once everything is confirmed and we get married. Like I said, I am not asking him to sleep with me? We kissed just once and he was the one who initiated it, I felt super guilty later and he apologized. It might seem weird to a lot of you but it's normal in our Asian culture to be physical intimate before marriage.I understand that and all I am asking is to show some affection, go out and spend time together or just talk. Am I asking for too much? Am I being unreasonable here? I am afraid he got too comfortable in the relationship and is just not putting in any effort now that he knows I'll stay. I am afraid to get in to this marriage as i feel it will give me a loveless future.

Please help me. I feel lost and unloved. I have been crying myself to sleep the past month. Am i doing something wrong?

Sorry for the length. Just wanted to pour out everything that has been building up in my heart. Any advice would be helpful.