Why do women have sex with dangerous looking men straight away, but they are "not comfortable" or "feel threatened" inviting average non-threatening men back to their place?

MrHerbSherman · 2019-09-09T18:39:47+00:00

It’s post hoc rationalization

What comes first is a feeling of not liking the guy

What comes second is a search for a reason why

katymarx · 2019-09-09T18:27:27+00:00

Explanation is she is giving betaboy an excuse because she doesn't want to smash. /Thread

Really, that is your answer, now move along people...

Gravel_Roads · 2019-09-09T19:04:42+00:00

The chicks banging biker studs are not the same women clutching their pearls about inviting shy nerds over for coffee.

pnadlerlaw · 2019-09-09T21:32:27+00:00

As someone who has a death / orgasm with consequences fetish, I can tell you why from the male POV, and maybe it’ll make it easier for you to understand the female POV.

Poison Ivy, a succubus, a spy assassin, vengeful ex, the gold digger looking to cash in on her husband’s untimely death.

they are leading the sexual interaction;
they’re not inhibited;
they are confident:
they look like they are in control of themselves and secure with their role in the sexual dance at every step of the way;
they are not looking to me for guidance, but they’re not necessarily forcing me to do anything I myself don’t want to do either (they are merely manipulating my lust);
their confidence causes me to assume their experience;
which, in turn, excites my curiosity of what adventures and new experiences I stand to enjoy from this encounter;

But the biggest one is:

its a challenge. How do fetishes manifest themselves? Some fear or traumatic event triggers the desire to seek exposure therapy to lessen the power that fear or traumatic even has over us. For example, a girl with a fear of snakes may become sexually aroused when snakes are somehow involved in sex. A girl who felt dehumanized and devalued by her father may have a kitty or daddy/little fetish.

For the most part, most women have issues with men. Rarely do you see a woman walk around treating men equally, like fellow human beings. Nope. All men are trying to rape her, or sexually harass her, or fuck her ... and she must constantly be defending against that. But there is a problem. She likes sex too. So, how is she to both assume the identity of someone who is defending against men, and also allow herself to enjoy the sex she wants to enjoy?

This fiction of male “game” allows her the ability to tell herself, “it’s because he was so smooth and was able to manipulate me into wanting to have sex with him ... it has nothing to do with me wanting cock or the way he looks.”

A “dangerous” man is a “high excitement,” “high experience,” “confident,” “in control of himself,” “sexual leader” kind of man. He’s not a boyfriend. He’s an adventurous and fun experience. He’s her chance to “play with fire” and maybe live to tell the tale.

There is excitement in “testing” one’s self to see, can I resist, how long can I resist for, or at the very least, if the other person has their way with me, what can I learn about myself, my own sexuality, and male sexuality in the process? ... to apply this high level shit to the man that I eventually settle for?

Where does this come from? Why is this emotionally rewarding? Because of the “fear” of the opposite sex, specifically, the fear of “being lied to and manipulated.” The more we are exposed to it, the more experience we have (in quantity and difficulty level), the better our firewall and antivirus immune system will be. The safer and more secure we will be from seriously being exploited and manipulated like that by someone we actually love and care about.

Aaren_Augustine · 2019-09-09T18:56:57+00:00

Its like the dude that has every gut feeling known to man that his girl is cheating on him, but he refuses to let go of the image of a perfect chick in his head unless he's got irrefutable proof of her hoping on strange cock.

Like he needs a signed confession he'll never get before he takes his ego out back and drowns it in the kiddie pool.

jmitch88 · 2019-09-09T19:14:33+00:00

You have an important meeting in the morning that you cannot miss and need to prepare for.

Just as your preparing to head home for the night two women approach you in succession. The first is a 5 - 6 in your opinion. She asks to come back to your place for the night. You tell her you have a very important meeting and cannot risk not being prepared.

The 10 approaches you next. You figure this is a one shot opportunity and figure you will have a job regardless and decide to take her up on the offer.

Explained!

planejane · 2019-09-09T18:55:53+00:00

Generally these aren't the same women in the having-sex-with-scary-guys group and the don't-talk-to-strangers group.

[deleted] · 2019-09-09T18:20:10+00:00

I think it just has to do with the fact they are attractive and know how to trigger sex in them more easily

Bntt89 · 2019-09-09T21:32:42+00:00

Because they are attracted to this, the same reason men are more attracted to the hot model looking girl instead of the nerdy looking girl with glasses. Women are subject to the same naturalistic desire as men are.

As for the that bullshit they say, women never want to look bad, so they use the excuse of not feeling safe around you. All that really means is that you didn't reach the benchmark for that specific women to fuck. Because women cant say what they really mean. If girl really are as scared as they pretend to be of guys they would literally separate themselves from men. And wouldn't ever invite men inside. So its really just a matter of women never saying what's really on their minds.

XtoDoubt · 2019-09-09T19:10:53+00:00

Girls make rules for betas and break them for alphas. Always be the guy she breaks rules for.

HenryVIIII · 2019-09-09T18:33:51+00:00

Why does James Bond have sex with the femme fatales straight away but friendzone the goodie two shoes secretary without inviting her to his place?

Why do rich celebrities date sexy ladies with porn star makeup that screams "I'm not a virgin" instead of the nerdy librarians in cardigans who look prim and proper with glasses? Surely the librarians make for better conversation?

Lmao

ohheyhi99 · 2019-09-09T18:31:42+00:00

If a woman’s attraction is high enough, it can outpace her inhibitions and principles. Same with men.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-09-09T18:20:22+00:00

I don't think it's as common as you are making it sound. Most women that I know want to know someone a little before making themselves vulnerable in that fashion.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-09-09T19:24:32+00:00

Seduction behaviors and flirting exist to arouse and disarm women, men who cant pull them off have to instill comfort with time

philomexa · 2019-09-09T18:29:07+00:00

Women will have sex straight away with big, tall, muscular men who could easily overpower them or abuse them.

We will? that's news to me. I've never done that, and none of my (anecdotal) good girl friends have done that either.

They will invite these men back to their houses without barely knowing them.

Yeah, another thing I haven't done.

they say that they are "not comfortable" with inviting people back to their house. They say they "don't invite strangers" to their place without "getting to know them first".

well this is certainly something I've done, as I consider it only prudent to vet people before the know where I live and they see my genitals.

Here's a thought; maybe some women are quick to fuck "dangerous men" because yolo and lack of FTO, whereas other women, like myself, are a bit high on anxiety and low on risk exposure.

wtknight · 2019-09-09T22:06:28+00:00

Dangerous looking men have good genes. Average non-threatening men don't have as good of genes, but are still just as potentially dangerous to her.

kandyapplez · 2019-09-10T09:53:10+00:00

Women will have sex straight away with big, tall, muscular men who could easily overpower them or abuse them

uh, 99% of men could easiley overpower me or abuse me.

once again this is men applying their own perspective on other men to a woman's perspective.

"big tall muscular men" and "scrawny short stringbean men" could both crush my skull in with their bare hands if were alone and they wanted to. so there are other factors at play when it comes to my comfort level with them. you would have to demonstrate that simply being tall and muscular makes a man more prone to attacking a woman, and you haven't done that. these men may be more prone to attacking other men , but thats irrelevant to us.

how MEN treat/interact/attack/abuse OTHER MEN has NO RELATION to make/female interaction!!!

SunflowerBurst · 2019-09-09T19:39:43+00:00

Why would she invite someone home whom she’s not going to touch who might have years of rejection seething within him ready to snap?

escapethesolarsystem · 2019-09-09T19:47:20+00:00

Because women aren't actually wired to protect themselves from being raped / assaulted, they are wired to have sex with a man that can protect them. If that big, tall muscular man takes what he wants from her, her lizard brain says "well, at least he'll be able to protect me and the offspring".

The non-threatening man is more dangerous to her, because he might knock her up then not have the ability to protect her and her offspring from outside threats (because he's too weak / non-threatening), especially when she's in the physically vulnerable state of being pregnant.

The best of both worlds is obviously a man that can protect the woman and won't rape her / treats her well, but for most of human civilization and pre-history, that wasn't an option for many women anyways. Most women either got to choose from two bad choices: 1) do I get raped by a barbarian / king / war leader who then at least protects me and my child? or 2) do I have a nice, non-abusive, loving relationship with a normal peasant / merchant man who will be killed the minute the barbarians roll through the village?

The world may have changed, but the paleolithic lizard brain doesn't know that.

JulieCrone · 2019-09-09T18:19:32+00:00

You have any proof for this, or is it just based on observation?

i_cri_evry_tim · 2019-09-09T19:55:40+00:00

You need to learn womanese. It’s a rather useful language.

“I don’t invite strangers” actually means “Prove yourself to me more” or “you ain’t getting in my pants ever”

She definitely invites strangers when she has the hots for them. There really is not much to understand.

Look at her actions and her words. If both don’t align, the words are lies and excuses.

meeselbon573 · 2019-09-09T21:14:15+00:00

The obvious reason: they fuck who they are attracted to.

AggravatingTartlet · 2019-09-10T03:27:12+00:00

big, tall, muscular men

Describes my husband. Good looking to boot. He is not a threatening person however. We also didn't have sex straightaway.

But for an average non-threatening man

You mean like the 5 ft 7" ordinary guy I once went on a date with who kept kissing me after I said I wasn't ready for that, and who got angry and put me out of his car at night at the side of a road? Even at 5ft 7, he was still inches taller, way stronger and quite capable of doing me harm. I'm uncertain if the only reason he stopped was because I pulled out my phone and said I was calling my dad to come and get me.

This has always confused me, because these men are decent people, often with jobs, hobbies and social lives, and look far less threatening than other men

Are they always decent? How do you know?

My husband had a job, hobbies and a social life, and was/is a decent person. He would look very threatening if he was angry, but then, ALL men look threatening to women when they are raging and angry towards them.

[deleted] · 2019-09-10T12:27:21+00:00

Casual sex is all looks, that’s why.

goatismycopilot · 2019-09-09T19:03:38+00:00

I do not distinguish between threatening and non threatening 99.9% of men are bigger than me and could overpower me. As a result men goat do not know do not get an invite. Problem solved.

reluctantly_red · 2019-09-09T19:52:51+00:00

Women make a very quick determination as to whether they think a guy is a predator or a protector. They feel comfortable with guys who they think will protect them no matter how big and scary he looks to other men.

exit_sandman · 2019-09-10T08:31:28+00:00

Two options:

Different women behaving differently.
They are attracted to the first guy and therefore already made up their mind about sleeping with him (regardless of whether he's a dick or shy or whatever other thing there is that would normally kill her mood), but the second guy they aren't attracted right out of the gate so he has to win them over first (which means that he has to be suave and charming) - and in case he doesn't, they still want an out without risking a confrontation. Because believe it or not, even a guy who isn't a 200 lbs roidhead is stronger than most women.

Littleknownfacts · 2019-09-09T18:12:09+00:00

Some of the men you described are more sexually attractive than the other ones. Next up - water is wet, butter is delicious, and hindsight is 20/20.

LSTW1234 · 2019-09-09T18:51:12+00:00

Men are more concerned than women are with respect to the differences in muscularity among men. Which makes sense - as a man, you have a better shot at fighting off a weaker man. But from a female perspective it doesn’t matter so much - a weak man can still overpower me. I don’t see him as automatically less threatening than a stronger man.

I have also found that “dangerous looking” men often have gentler dispositions than weaker men, perhaps because they realize their appearance is inherently intimidating. Whereas weaker men need to rely on behavior in order to intimidate.

PickUpScientist · 2019-09-09T19:06:07+00:00

the evolutionary biological theory is that these big scary men you speak of are also good protectors. its stands to reason that having these guys on your side would be a good idea. its worth mentioning that studies have shown that the guys that are most likely to rape are usually also fairly successful with women, while non-threatening type guys are generally less successful with women. i don't think its that non-threatening guys inspire more fear so much as it is that women have a general distrust of men that is forgiven when some beneficial trade off is apparent.

crackrocksteady7 · 2019-09-09T18:56:18+00:00

Is there an explanation for this?

Women make bad decisions

Midwitticism · 2019-09-09T19:02:44+00:00

Why do you all act like all women are cookie cutters? All the same? All do the same things? Did you ever think that those are two different kinds of women the same as those are two different kinds of men?

Troy016 · 2019-09-09T19:58:42+00:00

There more comfortable around attractive people than un-attractive you can see it in there freind circle

LotBuilder · 2019-09-09T20:22:17+00:00

If a girl is feeling a little slutty she doesn’t scratch that itch by bringing safe Steve back to her place for 90 seconds of missionary. That doesn’t make for a good story to their girlfriends. Safe is boring, they don’t want boring.

[deleted] · 2019-09-09T20:48:24+00:00

Because they want to fuck the dangerous looking men, and they are more interested in average men as providers.

fatalcharm · 2019-09-10T11:44:30+00:00

As a woman, I would like to know who the fuck is having sex with big, muscular men then telling other men that they “feel threatened” or are “not comfortable” -who the fuck is doing this? Because I have never seen it.

I swear, this sub is filled with “incel” questions, products of lonely men’s fantasies. What a fucking joke.

[deleted] · 2019-09-09T20:07:30+00:00

Women don't know what they are doing. There isn't much to understand.

trippymantis · 2019-09-10T00:14:15+00:00

Sounds like you’re projecting.

PennnyLame · 2019-09-10T01:13:31+00:00

Agree with many of the other posters that these are likely two different groups of women. Additionally, some giant men learn to be extra friendly and non-threatening and they really put it on for women. Big friendly giant energy is like cat-nip to many women.

mandoa_sky · 2019-09-10T02:23:29+00:00

maybe don't try to date women who are clearly attracted to muscular, buff men?

i say this as a lady who gets hot under the collar for men who looks like "university professors" with a friend who gets hot for "stick-thin vampire men who rock more eyeliner than a drag queen"

ontherailstoday · 2019-09-10T05:18:16+00:00

A woman doesn't want to invite some average dude she's been on three dates with back to her house if that she's not made up her mind about whether to try to keep him, because average dudes with few other options are just huge risks for stalkerish behavior when you decide you don't want them any more. Letting him know where she lives and the layout of the house and what sort of locks are on the doors is just too much at this point. Take her out to a hotel, or to your own place or mess around in one of your cars. So long as she's got some situation under which she's willing to allow some escalation you're still doing fine.

On the other hand some muscle dude or fuckboi or player who clearly slays... well if she's up for it (which let's be honest, most of the time most women are not) she'll take him home because whatever he'll have forgot all about it in a week or two, he's not going to be wasting his time sitting in his car outside her house just to get a glimpse of her.

babyphattt · 2019-09-10T05:44:39+00:00

bc they’re sexy

loyaboya · 2019-09-10T17:34:01+00:00

Where do you all hear this stuff?? Have any of you met an actual live woman?

[deleted] · 2019-09-11T11:52:33+00:00

That the women who fuck guys straight away and the women dating average guys and waiting for sex are likely two different populations of women. Lots of women do not participate in the casual sex market. Like, at all. Serial monogamists are totally a thing. Different women have different reactions dude. You're confused because you're trying to box all women down into like one type of person with one universal set of reactions and thats not how humans work.

nooblek · 2019-09-11T20:11:55+00:00

Attraction, they are willing (subconsciously) look paast certain red flags when a nice genetic meal is on the table. With most guys imho woman are more or less indifferent (yeah its maybe not bad but its also not a one in a million deal), that triggers a lot more rationalization. Its also a way of saying no, sometimes its just BS so they are not burdened by the responsibility of initiating mating with a mediocre partner. It also shows certain attractive qualities if the man is not discourage by such comments. Don't try to use logic on the face value of what is said by women.

DXBrigade · 2019-09-12T15:49:20+00:00

Because the women who do A aren't the same women who say B.

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damaskrose · 2019-09-09T23:08:30+00:00

Because they already feel comfortable with those men. Charisma is the ability to induce comfort and trust, better & faster than most people can. Size doesn't really matter, the skinny nerd can still beat you up unless you're an athlete or something.

NaturalQueer · 2019-09-10T01:12:44+00:00

Most women I have known personally don't really go home with or bring home anybody. It's dangerous as fuck. But I assume it's because with the average guys they just aren't attracted to them but it's often easier to come up with an excuse than to just say no, and some times it's safer. Men have been known to react aggressive or violent when rejected. They go home with the other guy because they are attracted to him and something about him, weather correct or not feels safe. Also I imagine they do similar things they do when they go on dates, tell their friends where they are going, get then to call in a couple hours or have check ins so they feel safe