Q4men: how do you know her sexual history?

reluctantly_red · 2019-08-03T14:16:27+00:00

Are women volunteering their sexual history? Are you just making assumptions?

Its not like they make full disclosure statements on the first date but they obviously talk. Over time its not hard to piece together their history.

Also, when her friends have been drinking they'll love to tell you funny stories.

catbrainland · 2019-08-03T20:17:48+00:00

It comes off as childish if you say ‘but she gave it up for Chad!’

No, it's "i don't want to do anal with YOU" - and the more honest, outspoken women will indeed straight tell you that.

Mr_Smoogs · 2019-08-03T14:16:55+00:00

In my experience, it’s the woman who wants to know about your relationship history. Not many women are “sex positive” in the sense that they are non-judgmental about your sexual past. I can look up the studies if you want that show that women, not men, care more about sexual past.

https://www.bustle.com/articles/97433-more-women-than-men-care-about-a-new-partners-sexual-history-says-new-study-and-over

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psypost.org/2016/12/study-finds-number-past-sexual-partners-large-effect-attractiveness-46594/amp

The idea that it’s only men who care about sexual past is very incorrect. I think it’s because women automatically assume a man with a variety of past sexual partners is a ‘player’ or used some range of manipulative tactics to get to that number.

So the topic is typically breached by her and then histories are disclosed. Of course she could be lying though, but then again so could you heh

You can also kind of tell from her personality and friend group too. I think a good rule of thumb is that you are who you surround yourself with.

ariesv123 · 2019-08-03T15:06:30+00:00

Does any of this stuff really work? People can behave a certain way without actually giving it up for anyone and vice versa

[deleted] · 2019-08-03T16:53:19+00:00

Women usually start talking about it themselves. And asking questions too.

Gible1 · 2019-08-03T14:46:58+00:00

Honestly? I ask people who know the person, look social media, and check their behavior when drunk.

Men are not as stupid as women think nor women are as inconspicuous as they think.

You may try to hide it, but it is impossible. You always leave tracks, and people are not as trustworthy as you may think.

Men do not need to assume anything. Women give and leave way too much information about themselves already.

Moldy_Gecko · 2019-08-03T16:26:38+00:00

Did someone recently hurt you? I've only ever asked ncount and then just do what I want. If we don't connect sexually, i.e. no anal, oh well. If we're together long enough, it'll happen.

I-wanna-GO-FAST · 2019-08-04T00:33:20+00:00

And why does it matter what she did or didn’t do with other guys on a line-item basis?

It's funny when women say this, yet almost all of them are appalled by guys who've been with prostitutes. 😆

Orange_Paisley · 2019-08-03T14:25:51+00:00

Eh, my fiancé and I have compared stories and high fived each other if we’ve had similar experiences. We’re both older and previously married though so we aren’t hung up on the insecurities of I experience.

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wtknight · 2019-08-03T16:02:37+00:00

I have usually asked about number of boyfriends in the past and her attitude towards casual sex, and made a judgment based upon that without knowing an actual N count. Two of the women I've been involved with were virgins, so I didn't have to ask as much there.

diffdedbed · 2019-08-03T16:44:24+00:00

I think because women don't understand the male reaction to knowing sexual histories they are too open with them. They believe because they want to know, but it doesn't really bother them, that men would want to know and it wouldn't really bother them. And at first it might seem like it doesn't because the guy isn't in love yet, isn't looking at a long term, so hey, you used to have threesomes with your BF, whatever.

Then after the guy actually falls for her, its "Shit, she used to do threesomes with how many dudes?".

jax006 · 2019-08-03T18:40:50+00:00

They always tell you lmao

[deleted] · 2019-08-03T22:03:57+00:00

I question the kind of relationship experience people have when they ask questions like this.

Despite the... demographics of this particular subreddit, most women have not had a huge number of sexual partners. Nor are most of them on that 100% don't ask don't tell policy when it comes to their sexual history. Often, they volunteer this shit as an explanation: "I tried anal before and didn't like it."

I mean if you ask (even just to yourself) why a woman knows why she doesnt like a particular sex act, the like... possibility spectrum of answers doesn't really encompass much beyond she tried it before and didn't like it. Just logically speaking.

As to why it all bothers me: simply put, I want to be the best. The best loved, the best sexed, the most respected man in a woman's life. If i'm not getting her best, then I'm second best. That's not acceptable to me.

I know women have all these complicated reasons and justifications and "its not about you" and bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla. Ok. Thats cool. But to me, it is about me. I have been a womans 2nd pick before and its a horrible, gut wrenching experience that Im not about to tolerate a second time. So if theres a shred of doubt in my mind about that, then we arent compatible.

I want a woman that shows with her actions - not just words - that Im #1, that I get the very damn best she has to offer because she values me that highly. And I give the same in return. If I wasn't about that with a given female then I wouldnt even commit to her. She'd be a plate. I wouldnt have the heart to inflict the psychic horror of being in actual relationship with her but not really loving her enough to do for her what I've done for other women.

[deleted] · 2019-08-03T22:36:17+00:00

Just came here to say that no one is entitled to the sexual history of anybody. Unless something prompts the conversation or she had an STD, no girlfriend should have to tell her boyfriend anything she has or hasn’t done with a guy/girl in the past. If she is deliberately lying to him, that’s another story. I accidentally implied that I had been with a girl (I have not) and my ex acted like it was a huge deal that I hadn’t told him. It was baffling.

phoenix_shm · 2019-08-04T04:50:42+00:00

I date women who are okay in talking about it honestly and owning it. Then I ask them. ..that's about it

baselinehuman2018 · 2019-08-03T17:45:27+00:00

My ex just asked me. He also asked if I was lesbian to see if I was sexually adventurous. Weird

crackrocksteady7 · 2019-08-03T18:22:42+00:00

I ask when it makes sense

Original_username999 · 2019-08-03T19:31:11+00:00

Haha wut?? This makes no sense what so ever?? I am currently in a happy relationship as of 4 years which is sexually satisfying for both of us.

I don't think my sexual satisfaction is at all correlated to my health?

I mean I'm running a marathon next month which I'm currently training for, and I hold down a fairly challenging job ...

Any way - thanks for the advice I will be sure to absolutely ignore it and continue living a happy and orgasmic life

muddynips · 2019-08-03T23:56:59+00:00

It may not always go line-by-line like you said, but I think you can fairly well measure investment by her desire (not just willingness but actual desire) to please her man. And if she was willing to do more to please other men you are most likely betabux.

I also believe that sexual pair-bonding is a thing, and that a girl who views sex as a purely selfish mechanism would be unable to pair the way I want.

I never ask about history except when necessary to protect myself. But you can pick up most of it if you know how to read people and make some basic assumptions. I am rarely surprised anymore.

OiLoveMoiBrick · 2019-08-04T03:59:03+00:00

I would never ask. It's not my business....

Tealllane · 2019-08-03T16:21:07+00:00

How do you know what a girl has or has not done with other guys, especially in the early phases of a sexual relationship?

I ask.

Are women volunteering their sexual history? Are you just making assumptions?

Generally, they do. I don't usually make any assumptions.

And why does it matter what she did or didn’t do with other guys on a line-item basis? Why don’t you just establish from the outset your sexual expectations and if she fails to meet them leave?

It doesn't matter at all to me. If I don't like somone. I will leave

When a girl says ‘I don’t like blowjobs’ does your mind immediately go to all the cocks you assume she sucked before?

It does not. I think that this is a woman I couldn't be in a long lasting relationship with and wouldn't keep as a FWB.

When she says ‘I don’t like anal’ why do you assume she loved it and is refusing to give it up to you because you are not chadly enough?

I assume she had a bad experience with someone who was inexperienced sexually, didn't make her comfortable/relaxed, and failed to sexually please her. I respect that she has a boundary and maybe we can try down the line if she's comfortable. Or Maybe she has Crohn's disease...a few women I have been with intimately have it.

If you need anal and blowjobs to be happy fair enough but why are you making it about her? It comes off as childish if you say ‘but she gave it up for Chad!’

I only recently learned about "Chad" and only bring up "chad" because the concept makes me laugh and entertains my friends.

I wouldn't consider them to be prerequisites to being happy, but I am a very sexual/sensual person and like to engage in various sexual acts often. So limiting what I personally enjoy dampens the relationship.

UTC24 · 2019-08-03T16:51:28+00:00

I only date virgins.

Ltrfsn · 2019-08-03T14:40:40+00:00

Unless otherwise specified I would just assume she's had way more sex than me

UncommercializedSaw · 2019-08-03T18:04:31+00:00

You don’t ask...Ever.

It’s none of your business. Sex is too easy a target, but you end up skipping on someone who has what you want, but has a sexual past—there are plenty of other great indicators that can reveal her characteristics.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2019-08-03T18:29:27+00:00

I just assume she's done everything, everything she's been interested in, and a few things she wasn't.

Only ever had one gf that wouldn't do blowjobs, but that's not something I expect very often anyway. You get one every so often when she's in a playful mood, or it's a heavy flow day and she doesn't feel like dealing with the mess or clean up but wants to do something for you.

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2019-08-03T18:33:37+00:00

Are women volunteering their sexual history?

Yes. All my female friends and the women I've been in relationships with would easily volunteer this information.

And why does it matter what she did or didn’t do with other guys on a line-item basis? Why don’t you just establish from the outset your sexual expectations and if she fails to meet them leave?

Unlike other guys, I don't really care about this. As long as she satisfies my sexual needs, idc. But speaking for other RP guys, I think they use it as a trust and attractiveness benchmark. If she was willing to be a slut with Chad and not you, obviously she doesn't regard you as highly.

When a girl says ‘I don’t like blowjobs’ does your mind immediately go to all the cocks you assume she sucked before?

No. My ex said the same thing but she still sucked this mf. I would believe her if her body count wasn't so high, no way you fuck that many people without sucking dick.

When she says ‘I don’t like anal’ why do you assume she loved it and is refusing to give it up to you because you are not chadly enough?

I dont. Anal is a case by case thing. I've been with girls that love it more than vaginal and some that despise anything going near this ass, even a tongue. People that think this way have no sexual experience or they're retarded.

If you need anal and blowjobs to be happy fair enough but why are you making it about her? It comes off as childish if you say ‘but she gave it up for Chad!’

Because it is. If she gave it up for Chad, she's obviously willing to do it. So if she doesn't do it with you, she doesn't like you as much.

Edit: to be clear I’m not talking about her n-count I’m talking about specific sexual acts she engaged in previously

Two entirely different things. I care more about body count than acts.

PM_Happy_Puppy_Pics · 2019-08-03T19:41:49+00:00

This is very easy to answer. She was willing to go "all out" for someone else. So how does that make you feel when she won't do that with you?

If you knew a guy bought flowers, chocolate, expensive gifts, trips, etc. for his last girlfriend but doesn't do any of that for you because he wants to put it all in savings instead, how would that make you feel? If he cringed every time you ordered a drink. Or made you feel bad spending his money when he was so free with it before? If he took another girl out on adventures and trips all over the place but he just wants to stay in and watch NetFlix with you. How would that make you feel?

[deleted] · 2019-08-03T19:48:11+00:00

It is difficult to find this out, especially if the woman is trying to hide it actively.
Obviously it is better to marry young women for that reason, or not to marry at all.

Most men won't leave for that reason because they can make that compromise I guess, little some of they know that she used to do this happily with others.

Again I don't understand why all of these posts are over complicating this issue, men don't want to marry alpha widows, this is not about any specific act that she is not giving.

adool666 · 2019-08-03T21:28:31+00:00

She asked mine so I asked her. She fucked twice as many ppl.

I had an ex gf who fucked more girls than me... made me slightly insecure.

FatmanSlim93 · 2019-08-03T23:18:07+00:00

You can’t really unless she tells you, but from what I’ve seen on this forum apparently lying is the correct response cause I deserve love and people having standards is bad. That being said that’s like a smaller minority on here, your jezebels and such.

[deleted] · 2019-08-04T04:12:12+00:00

I swap stories, especially sexual horror stories. Those are always hilarious.

Kenji_03 · 2019-08-04T06:17:05+00:00

I ask, usually it's asking so I can better predict what she is and is not into.

I am going to assume you had a really bad experience with a guy recently, as I can't think of any of the guys I associate with thinking the way you suggest.

DasHylen · 2019-08-04T09:41:54+00:00

I'm going to answer for myself here.

First off, there are absolutely no reasons that someone would abstain from Bj, The only scenarios would be if the dick was very dirty and unclean.
Anal is understandable to not want, because it could hurt.

in the early phases of a relationship, there are no ways to tell what you have or haven't done, except for judging by experience.

I don't make assumptions unless there is clear evidence, that can be a bunch of things.

and no, if someone told me she doesn't want to bj me then I'll first consider the problem within me, if I can't find any, I'll assume you just don't like me enough, the last thing I'd ever do is imagine her with the other chads, that's dumb.

What I'll instead ask is just "Why?", From there you can evaluate your relationship.

But if I find out that she has in fact done those acts she refused on me, and there are no hygiene problems involved, I'll end the relationship.

that's what'll do, i don't immediately assume/care for what she did in her past (although i do mind the body count), we only care if you refuse to do it with us, yet you did it with someone else.

foxglove333 · 2019-08-05T16:58:55+00:00

I’ll just lie and say whatever I think the guy wants to hear, if they’re into virgins I’m pure as the driven snow hahaha.

Daniel3Lancer · 2019-08-05T17:09:20+00:00

It depends on how itchy my cock is after I fuck her.

Bruchibre · 2019-08-27T03:33:04+00:00

She asks me questions and I reciprocate "what about you?".

Barely-moral · 2019-08-03T14:58:09+00:00

I hired a private investigator. He finds one thing about her past that she is likely to hide. Then I ask her about said thing. If she hides that thing, then I don't trust anything that comes from her mouth. I am no longer interested in her.

If she answers with the truth, I ask about her sexual history. She already has the benefit of the doubt so I will trust her until I find evidence that tells me that she is lying.

If she refuses to answer any question then I am no longer interested in her. I move on.

And why does it matter what she did or didn’t do with other guys on a line-item basis?

You can't seriously say that you love you current partner more than your exes if you are not willing to do the exact same things that you did for your exes and more for the benefit of your current partner.

When a girl says ‘I don’t like blowjobs’ does your mind immediately go to all the cocks you assume she sucked before?

It depends. I already asked about her sexual history. If she was willing to do that for her previous partners then I expect the same.

When she says ‘I don’t like anal’ why do you assume she loved it and is refusing to give it up to you because you are not chadly enough?

Because I asked if she did that for their previous partners. If the answer was "yes" then I expect the same. If she does not want to do it for me then I am clearly lacking in whatever characteristic her previous partner had that was enough for her to be willing to do it.

If you need anal and blowjobs to be happy fair enough but why are you making it about her?

In order to be happy I don't need blowjobs and anal. In order to be happy I like to know that if I could see in my partner's past I would not be able to find anyone that was treated better than me. So it is about her.

I apply the same standards to myself. Anything that I did for my previous partners, my next partner gets as a base.

HumanSockPuppet · 2019-08-03T15:09:48+00:00

A woman's sexual past can be inferred from her behaviour. Specifically, from the state of her capacity to pair bond.

If she's playful, eager, and enraptured with a guy, then odds are she's not too damaged.

If on the other hand her affect is flat, or she seems generally unimpressed or unexpressive, then she has likely seen more hotdogs than a baseball stadium.

oftheinfinite · 2019-08-03T15:12:17+00:00

It comes off as childish if you say ‘but she gave it up for Chad!’

I wonder how women would feel when they learn that the guy they are dating/LTRing/married spent very well on women in his past but suddenly became cheaper and stingier with her and put in a lesser, half-ass effort in the relationship (not doing dishes, laundry, etc.) I would call women who expect more of a man in a relationship to be childish.

SpecialSpnk · 2019-08-03T16:35:27+00:00

If she is not willing to give you everything she is just not that into you. Im an all or nothing kind of man and if she isn't willing to try a bunch of stuff with me I'm not interested. Especially if she was doing it before.

axiszpointa · 2019-08-04T02:36:58+00:00

I don't. I just assume she's been with 100s of guys and leave it at that. It's a pretty good heuristic.

[deleted] · 2019-08-04T00:49:00+00:00

However many men she says shes been with... quadruple

darksoldierk · 2019-08-05T02:53:31+00:00

> How do you know what a girl has or has not done with other guys, especially in the early phases of a sexual relationship?

Well, women are never honest about these things, my general rule is, if she says she doesn't like it, then it means she's tried it. If she says she tried it once, then it means she's done it a low. As honest of an answer as you can expect is "yeah, we used to do that, but I never really enjoyed it", and that one is fun because she's basically telling you she used to do it for others, but she's not going to do it for you.

> And why does it matter what she did or didn’t do with other guys on a line-item basis? Why don’t you just establish from the outset your sexual expectations and if she fails to meet them leave?

It matters. And "just leave" is not fair judgement call. It's a difficult option for men because they have to go back to playing the dreadful dating game, which from men's point of view, is a nightmare. It's easy for women to say "oh if you don't like it, leave", but let me put it in perspective for you, say you date a guy and he kept you strung along for 5 years about wanting children. Then in year 5 when you are, say, 33, he tells you he doesn't want to get married and doesn't want kids. Is "just leave" really an option for the woman at that point? It's more or less exactly like that for guys. By the time they get a date, they've been rejected so many times that they are already done with dating.

In regards to the actual acts, it's like, imagine if I told you (general "you" not specific) that for my previous girlfriends, I went out of my way to set up romantic dinners, surprises, these crazy birthdays and anniversaries, and then you notice that with you, the most I'll do for a birthday is take you out to dinner. You want the romance, the attention, you want me to do crazy things for your birthdays and for our anniversaries, and you know I've done it in the past. Do you car if I told you "I did it, I really hated the headache of setting these things up, and just don't think it's worth the trouble" youd say "well, at least once in a while?".

Same deal

> If you need anal and blowjobs to be happy fair enough but why are you making it about her? It comes off as childish if you say ‘but she gave it up for Chad!’

Because it is about her.

Title	Q4men: how do you know her sexual history?
Author	theambivalentrooster
Upvotes	66
Comments	297
Date	August 3, 2019 2:06 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/clj4fv/q4men_how_do_you_know_her_sexual_history/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4men-how-do-you-know-her-sexual-history.254619 https://theredarchive.com/post/254619