When and why did parents stop kicking their kids out of the house to socialize?

goatismycopilot · 2019-07-18T15:46:56+00:00

I think somewhere in the late 80's and early 90's disappearing kids really became a media sensation and post secondary education got more expensive and time consuming and people started wigging out about which univeristy their kid would get into when they were in pre school. Former latch key kids started having kids and they wanted to be overly involved in their kids lives because they were semi neglected in childhood and so parental/kid dynamics started drastically changing. Oh and personal technology became more affordable and widespread.

umizumiz · 2019-07-18T15:11:36+00:00

Government made it illegal to have your kids unattended under certain ages.

Littleknownfacts · 2019-07-18T14:53:45+00:00

When helicopter parents became a thing.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-07-18T15:29:58+00:00

I thought these days parents are supposed to overbook their kids with extracurricular activities to get them to socialize. That’s what I had to do. Band, color guard, sports, etc.

angels-fan · 2019-07-18T15:32:05+00:00

Being a child of the 80s, my parents lived by the motto of "they'll be fine!"

And we were fine. We got cuts and bruises and stubbed toes, but nothing major happened to us.

My wife is so neurotic about how "unsafe" the world is that she barely lets her kids outside.

We live in one of the safest suburbs you could ask for.

My wife wouldn't let her kids sleep outside on our deck because she was afraid that they'd be kidnapped Elizabeth Smart style.

I can't tell you how many times I've tempered her insanity and overridden her crazy neurotic ideas.

Her kids usually come to me now to ask permission.

Bottom line, trauma gets clicks. If you buy into the media, you'd think every man is a child molesting rapist and lock your kids up!

wtknight · 2019-07-18T15:12:59+00:00

Girls need to be interested enough in a boy to want to socialize with him and give him IOIs in order for a boy to learn how to flirt. I don’t think it has much to do with how he is brought up. Some boys are just looks wise and personality wise more likely to get interest from girls and therefore learn these skills through experience.

bunnydelight · 2019-07-18T15:50:49+00:00

Parents quit kicking their kids out of the house to socialize when the middle Boomers became parents and remembered what they were up to when their parents did that. "Oh shit, little Tommy is going to go get high behind the Mall!"

Then came along Stranger Danger and the fear of sunlight murdering you in the form of skin cancer, and now children aren't even allowed outside on high ozone days.

All forms of extra curricular activity must be rigidly monitored by adults now, unless little Tommy is sitting quietly by his mother while playing on a screen. If Tommy can't play on his screen quietly, there are a lot of nice drugs the doctor can prescribe to quieten him!

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-07-18T15:19:48+00:00

I think the Millenials and older Gen Zers were really the first kids to grow up 100% with the internet - I'm right on the dividing line between Gen X and Millenial, and there was a very big difference in the childhood I had (passing paper notes in school, put into sports and athletics, no real cable as we all know it now) and the childhood the kids I babysat when I was 18 had (hundreds of channels offering 24/7 programming, cell phones, etc)

I think it's fair to say that no one - least of all most of the parents of Millenials - were aware of how dangerous technology creep would prove to be. It's something that we, as a society, had to witness first hand

My peers are much, much more sensitive to their kids' screen time. All of my friends severely restrict screens in the house, and require some sort of sport or club activities. Summer camps have made a huge comeback

JustRuss79 · 2019-07-18T16:20:31+00:00

20-30 years ago you could still rely on other adults to semi-supervise all the kids in the neighborhood, and kids respected the adults because they would tell their parents and they would get in trouble.

Now adults without kids, and even those with kids, do not want to parent other peoples children (understandable but sad) and parents don't want to deal with other adults complaining about their children in public.

Add to this, that "Stranger Danger" has been a pretty hardcore message since at least the 1980's, and TV hypes up the worst things that can happen to a kid...as "this could be your kid!"

Also...before Cable and Internet and Video Games... having the kids inside the house would drive an adult bonkers after a while. Especially if you have multiple kids.

The kids seem perfectly content to sit in front of the TV or play their games or browse the web, and they stay out of the parents hair while doing so. Much easier to keep an eye on them, and not get complaints from other adults this way.

skystar86 · 2019-07-18T16:08:59+00:00

I think this is why a lot of the r/childfree Millennials are the way they are. Many of them describe a childhood of no freedom or being allowed to do anything and are resentful they are expected to have kids only to have their freedom taken from them again. Many say they are childfree because now there's no one telling them what to do or interfering with their plans. They can do whatever they want and buy whatever they want with no one telling them no.

prostate-apostate · 2019-07-18T16:27:43+00:00

Why do you assume because someone ends up as a shut in its because they had parents who sheltered them. I was told to socialize and make friends , when i went outside i was mercilessly bullied for being the smelly foreign . So i just reverted to being a shut in . And socialized with people i met i nmy online games and coped with anime .like naruto ehich was every outcast kids hero .

LowCreddit · 2019-07-18T19:20:56+00:00

Jonathan Haidt sums up his talk on antifragile kids in a short video here. He talks about it more in depth elsewhere. He notes that before the 90's, young children were let out of the house independently around 5 - 7. After the helicopter mom epidemic of the 90's, children weren't let out alone until 10 - 14. This causes children to be much more anxious and dependent on authority. They also develop much less socially.

I remember being a kid in the 80's. I not only wanted to go outside, but my mother forced me outside until it got dark. I then had to come home for supper and homework. It was the same for all the other kids. There was no parental supervision of us at all.

Today, streets and parks are empty. If there are kids playing, there is a gaggle of parents watching from the side. There's no kickball games in the cul de sacs. The basketball courts are dominated by grown men if at all. There's no bike ramps made out of whatever you can find in the garage. It's like children don't exist. It really weirds me out.

Willow-girl · 2019-07-18T16:00:00+00:00

When the absolute epidemic of kids being molested came to light in the 80s and 90s. I mean, shit on helicopter parents all you want, its a damn sight better than the days when kids ran around unattended and got routinely victimized by adults in the community who were treated with a light hand because no one wanted to face the repulsive facts of child abuse.

tylmin · 2019-07-18T16:44:14+00:00

I guess I'm one of "those" parents. The reason is that one, my child possibly has autism. His behaviour isn't normal, so I can't leave him with other parents because they don't know how to deal with him, let alone leave him alone.

Also, I am also antisocial and arranging play dates I find exhausting and difficult. I'd also prefer to just be on my phone than socialise. So I am an anti-social mother with an anti-social son. Other kids in my son's year actually do play together quite a lot, and have lots of play dates where the kid just gets dropped off and is supervised by the other parent. We're not like that.

I guess it's a bit of the rich getting richer and the poor getting poorer sort of situation; my son doesn't socialise because he's innately less capable of socialising, which leads to a lower level of socialisation. I know I should be getting him to socialise more, but between my being social incompetent myself, and none of the other kids liking him already, it just doesn't materialise. I really should try harder, I know :/.

KV-n · 2019-07-18T15:33:32+00:00

This doesn't mean that same kid can't also be a racecar driver, it just means that he has not yet had the necessary years of experience learning how to drive.

Not really. The chad who becomes a "raceway driver" was born with better reflexes, sight and composure and quick decision making

While the kid who sucks was born with brain that shortcircuits when in tense situation, freezes in danger and has poor spatial perception. While he might learn to drive to grocery store and back he doesnt have what it takes to be a "raceway driver" like chad

Also its more like guys are sitting behind screen and not socializing bacause they suck at it, not the other way around. Its alway intj/intp nerds who spend the most time behind computer, what a coincidence

QuestionablePresenc3 · 2019-07-18T15:55:04+00:00

I don't think that's how it works. I spent most of my childhood doing exactly that - playing with friends outside, yet it didn't really change anything. I still don't like socializing on its own and I am awful at it.

[deleted] · 2019-07-18T16:22:07+00:00

Thought about this the other day. It used to be that having your kids be couch potatoes was embarrassing.

I think what happened is the proliferation of helicopter parenting and media coverage of violent events making people have a skewed view of the world. I know many moms who are HAPPY their kids play fortnite with friends because it keeps them at home instead of out of trouble

Willow-girl · 2019-07-18T18:13:22+00:00

Families are smaller nowadays so parents are more invested in each child. When you only have a couple of eggs in your basket, you watch that basket closely.

[deleted] · 2019-07-18T17:43:24+00:00

People became too fearful of crime (even if that threat is exaggerated by the media) so they're relieved to see their kids spending more time at home.

rpsheepdog · 2019-07-18T14:58:59+00:00

Well short of doing sports, there isn't much of a reason for people to leave the house. Kids can get schooling online, interact with others via the internet, order food online, and get paid online. To get your rocks off you can jerk your dick to online porn too. So the internet is hitting a good bit of human needs, the only thing it really lacks is providing shelter, but if mommy and daddy do that for you too then you don't have to.

concacanca · 2019-07-18T14:59:01+00:00

I think two people who grew up as girls probably arent great barometers for how boys are raised.

FWIW all of the kids I know are out and socialising just fine.

queenofmirrors · 2019-07-18T17:34:38+00:00

It depends on what they are doing on the screen.

My mom did this. I had no friends to play with anyway (why did I turn to the computer in first place?) so I'd just take walks. That was healthy, I guess.

Other kids got grounded for being unruly. My ultimate punishment was having the internet cable pulled.

But what was I doing on the computer?

I was building my future career. Raw coding HTML /before HTML5/, in the non-colorful Notepad, until Dreamweaver came out and the DYI art of web design lost it's charm. Learning Photoshop. Learning animation and ActionScript in Flash back when it was still macromedia. Doing animated GIF avatars and icons for MSN before "emojis" were a thing.

Leaning English. Learning German by asking online friends to practice with me. Later practicing French by finding people on Chatroulette. Downloading PDFs. Reading weird underground blogs. Talking to older, more mature people, having intellectual conversations I wouldn't have had with my IRL peers.

Learning social engineering. Hacking my friends emails (and then returning them). Trolling on MMORPGs until people mistook me for admin. Using my own hosted website to find out people's IP, put them in custom Flash movies of wannabe scrolling by saying "here's your IP, you now have a virus", saving them as .exe files and sending them to people for the lulz...

This was ages 10-14.

Yeah.

Did I get friends? Damn right. On the internet. IRL, well, I read a ton of books and learned to play the social game perfectly.

But ever since people started basing their online identities on their real selves, no longer hiding behind anonymous screen names and avatars, rated and connected with by the sole merit of intellect and content of their minds alone... Those friendships are no longer formed, and 15+ years later, despite my manufactured popularity based on learning those social rules; I find myself lonlier than ever.

Oftentimes it feels like my best friends are random strangers on the internet.

Hello Reddit.

Edit: Due to the personal nature of the later part of my post, the main point kind of got lost without a proper conclusion.

To clarify: intellectually lonely as I may feel, I have a career and a future, they do not.

I chose to share my personal story as a real example of great variety - how your life turns out overall is affected by a great deal of factors.

To be fair, without all that time on the internet, what would I have been instead?

Just as lonely. Only more stupid and less empowered, to add insult to injury. A spoiled, entitled brat with a bad sense of self and limited capacity to do much about it.

My screen time well spent has probably saved me a lot of trouble.

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TheBookOfSeil · 2019-07-18T20:35:58+00:00

It was probably around the turn of the century when things began changing and it became less and less common for people to want their kids outside unattended. Mostly out of fear for their safety because of abductions and people in general. Drug use became more common as well. I remember when neighborhoods would be full with children and families on Halloween in my hometown. Now, barely anyone comes out, and if they do, they’re sparse with some kids even being driven around by their parents.

N0blesse0blige · 2019-07-18T20:53:57+00:00

It is apparently safer than ever to let children play outside, while at the same time kidnapping, child abuse, child sexual abuse, trafficking, pedophilia, and so on gets more coverage in the media than ever.

Then there is also some increase in real threats like immigrant sex gangs sexually abusing young girls. I understand that parents are very careful in neighborhoods with high immigration from certain backgrounds.

IAMA124 · 2019-07-18T20:55:55+00:00

My mom really, REALLY tried, but it was useless. The change didn't happen until I made the decision to become a better person myself, no matter what my mother did I wasn't going to change, I had to do it myself.

Problem is... a lot of people don't have the strength to do so, and at certain ages hanging out with other kids your age fucking sucks, when I was 15 I really didn't like people my age... they were either smoking weed or were stupid as hell, or at least that's how I felt at the time, there was no one I felt I could connect with.

lilacluna548 · 2019-07-18T22:36:43+00:00

Not sure when it started but I'm a woman born in the late 90's and my parents were both a bit protective and scared of anything happening to me. I didn't actually have Internet access until I was 10 though and still spent time outside and with others, I just usually had to be supervised. My parents had had very unsupervised childhoods themselves. The furthest I could walk alone was on my street. As I got older most of my socialization outside of school was through extracurriculars and Ive definitely gotten a little too addicted to the electronics. I did grow up to be a pretty shy and anxious person.

KilltheL · 2019-07-18T23:33:02+00:00

The prevalence of the nanny state and PC culture made us more safe and comfortable but not really alive. Imo it fostered the modern culture of complacency and isolation. A lot of my peers have it good as far as creature comforts but are miserable.

poppy_blu · 2019-07-19T00:25:00+00:00

When child molesters, drunk drivers, thugs and gun toting lunatics became a serious threat.

zayelion · 2019-07-19T01:29:51+00:00

TV video games phones and tablets make kids silent still and non destructive. The idea of playing outside is a parents invention to relax without stress for an gour or so. More efficient to dont have to go look for them later. its a practicality thing.

CrticL · 2019-07-19T06:03:27+00:00

Honestly man i can back this post up. I've fallen victim and i have no one to blame but myself. I didnt graduate, i have no license, im unemployed and im 21 soon to be 22. What have i done man. I got so caught up in gaming and the internet. Wish me luck..

[deleted] · 2019-07-19T10:57:46+00:00

If there's an epidemic of socially stunted men wouldn't the new normal actually be socially awkward? So social skills would mean you're awkward and awkward would be suave. The social would be the minority, the asocial would be the future

Spaghetti2012 · 2019-07-20T15:04:08+00:00

It’s about control and ego for parents. They need to brag about how much they control their kids, all the things they don’t allow their kids to do, all the activities they drag their kids to...

They stop bragging once those same kids are adults and are living at home still waiting to be told what to do.

In the 80’s, the old people would brag about the jobs their adult kids had. Now it’s young parents bragging about little kids. They really don’t care what happens to the kid once they are 25, it’s about being able to brag right now.

It is nice for shy kids though. As a shy teen in the ‘80’s, I had the frequent sense that I was missing out on parties. Because I was. Now, no one is missing out. There’s nothing to miss out on, except more structured activities your parent can brag about.

Bestprofilename · 2019-07-18T17:44:04+00:00

When parents realised the way the wind is blowing and embraced the inevitable - most communication will not be in person in the future, if it is not already.

ElderlyAlder · 2019-07-18T18:04:15+00:00

What on earth would it accomplish for me to kick my kids out to "go socialize"? What are they going to do, walk 10 miles into town (because this is America and you need a car to get anywhere) to knock on a classmates door and awkwardly stand in the room while said classmate continues to surf reddit on his phone? Not to mention the child neglect/endangerment charge you'll get slapped with. You realize getting high under the bleachers only works if all the other kids are also hanging out there, if your kid is smoking under the bleachers all by his lonesome that's just sad and illegal.

What exactly do you think kicking your kids outside, when nobody else's kids are outside, will accomplish?

iceicle999 · 2019-07-18T19:11:59+00:00

I'm not an advocate of forcing kids out of the house just so the girls who get no boy attention finally get their cut. Ultimately, it's up to the parents on how they will raise their kid(s).

Title	When and why did parents stop kicking their kids out of the house to socialize?
Author	Will_Stephens
Upvotes	62
Comments	206
Date	July 18, 2019 2:44 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/cete4s/when_and_why_did_parents_stop_kicking_their_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/when-and-why-did-parents-stop-kicking-their-kids.254866 https://theredarchive.com/post/254866