Discussion: men and women alike do complain about the difficulties of modern dating. To what degree are these issues caused/exacerbated by a majority of adults being above a healthy weight?

petrichordium · 2019-06-14T15:31:31+00:00

The effect is HUGE honestly, lol. At no point in human history have as many people been this fat and unattractive, combined with us seeing more and more imagery than ever of attractive people, usually highly artificial. As someone said “nobody looks like those girls; THOSE GIRLS DONT LOOK LIKE THOSE GIRLS.”

It fucks EVERYONE up. Men find it very easy to just throw in the towel and jerk off. Hell if i couldn’t get with women I find attractive I would go full herbivore before i ever pursued overweight people. Porn and masturbation is better than that.

Women get barraged with way more body image shit even than men, and it tanks their self esteem and enthusiasm for stuff. For all manosphere men complain about Dove campaign, fat acceptable stuff, women simply are scrutinized more closely and publicly, and I’m sure it just sucks.

Basically it just fucks everything up, and any discussion about sex on a macro level will need to avoid making BIO level claims because this is so distorting culturally.

diffdedbed · 2019-06-14T15:33:53+00:00

Percent of adults aged 20 and over with overweight, including obesity: 71.6%

Jesus wept...

but there was no difference in obesity prevalence between the lowest (31.5%) and highest (32.6%) income groups among men.

but

Moreover, obesity prevalence was lower among college graduates than among persons with less education for non-Hispanic white women and men, non-Hispanic black women,

Something doesn't work here. So either college education doesn't predict wealth for men, or the numbers need more looking into.

TwentyX4 · 2019-06-14T18:13:02+00:00

I don't believe that's what's going on. I see a lot of different people of all different weights having dating problems. I think it's more complicated than that, and think there's a whole variety of factors. I won't go into all of them but, here's some of them that I think play a role:

Mass media shows us a lot of beautiful, smart, witty, funny people (many of whom are merely reading lines written by a team of writers to make them seem smarter and funnier), which causes people to become less satisfied with their partners and their options, and makes it feel like there are better people out there.

A decline in conservative culture, which pushes people to marry young. This lowered dating pressure causes people to spend more time in the dating market, and causes people to increase their opinions of "good enough to marry". There's a similar shift towards "finding one's soulmate" which also increases people's ideas of "good enough to marry".

The move to big cities and online dating has given people the idea that there are infinite options out there. Not happy with the person you went on a date with? There's an infinite number of other people out there that you could date instead. This also leads to the "paradox of choice" - ie the psychological phenomena that when people have more options, they have more difficulty making up their minds and default to making no decision. People end up less satisfied with the choice they do make. This is reduced in small towns and rural areas.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2019-06-14T17:27:52+00:00

Isn't this statistic kind of skewed by the fact that obesity is more prevalent in people of old age?

https://content.gallup.com/origin/gallupinc/GallupSpaces/Production/Cms/POLL/71dyepgxbekwogzi07lz_w.gif

Kind of old data, but people in their prime dating years 18-40 are a lot lighter than much older people.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2019-06-14T22:52:24+00:00

That moment when 2/3 of people are literally big chungus. My cat isn't special. She's just American sized :(

Christian_Kong · 2019-06-14T18:28:06+00:00

Personal experience here only but most dudes I know that are overweight don't really think they can get with regular BMI girls.

I do think a lot of people also think that since they got to date/fuck someone in the past of a certain "look" that they still can even though they have changed quite a bit. I think this happens more with women than men.

barbodelli · 2019-06-14T18:38:16+00:00

These stats are higher than years past for sure but are still highly over exaggerated. I'm obese according to those numbers. I do 20-40mins of cardio (run,cycle,elliptical) 6 days a week, pump weights (push,pull,lower) 6days a week and lift garbage 5 days a week. Depending on day, time, route and commodity that equates to 8-16tons per day. Heck, I even eat healthy but am still unhealthy according to those bullshit stats.

kandyapplez · 2019-06-14T18:48:02+00:00

i honestly don't really know any fat people lol. i rarely see them even but i guess i hang out in hyper image conscious environments and hardly know anyone over 35 (aren't most of the fat people in middle age or something?). i feel this is kind of overblown. most young people aren't fat.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2019-06-14T22:33:57+00:00

Bonus Q answer. This is going to get downvoted to hell and I will be called an apologist for fat chicks, but body fat is one of the more obvious sexually dimorphic traits. Just like men are taller, hairier and more muscular than women, they are also naturally leaner, ie less body fat. Excess body fat on a dude is not just unattractive from a fitness standpoint it’s FEMININE looking. (Especially man boobs) It’s unattractive on a woman but not masculine looking. In fact it often means bigger boobs and fatter ass, so it accentuates female dimorphism. Therefore I say a little fluffy doesn’t look as bad on a woman as it does in a man. We all want fit, don’t get me wrong, but extra fat on a dude looks worse than on a woman

Edit:Essential fat 10–13% 3–5%

Athletes 14–20% 6–13%

Fitness 21–24% 14–17%

Average 25–31% 18–24%

Obese 32%+ 25%+

First column women, second men Aaaannnnd my inbox will blow up in .......

crackrocksteady7 · 2019-06-14T16:12:51+00:00

White mc/umc/uc non post wall women have overweight+obesity rates of 25% or so. Dont dumpster dive and it barely matters

NockerJoe · 2019-06-14T17:28:09+00:00

I'm gonna disagree. If you cross reference that study showing sex being less frequent among all groups, especially young people and particularly young men, then cross reference it with obesity rates over time you'll find the correlation to be weak at best. Fat people in prior generations were getting laid just fine.

Moreover, the most sexless and aromantic regions are among the skinniest. I live in the PNW where we have a huge outdoors and fitness culture and some of the skinniest postal codes in north america but some of the lowest birth rates and relationship numbers. It's so bad I'm seeing more and more ads specifically to combat social isolation. Meabwhile I have a friend in tue american south who can get a different girl every week no trouble despite being balding and weird looking and a super introvert.

People being unattractive is an obvious answer to the problem but I doubt its the right one. I'm more in favor of cultural and economic explanations simply because those account for observed differences better.

analt223 · 2019-06-14T18:18:13+00:00

its large, but its mostly due to the internet

wotsittoyou · 2019-06-15T05:53:08+00:00

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venus_figurines

There's a bit of evidence that the fashionable figure, the one that is regarded as the most desirable and most to be dwelled upon, thought about and happily looked at has at least at one era in the past been the opposite of the most easily attained and common figure of the era. I think it is worth mulling over, that the thing that is hard to achieve and healthiest under the circumstances (in the early neolithic and earlier being fat was obviously hard to accomplish AND a significant indication you'd survive winter) may always end up as the prefered option through the workings of human thought and ideas. If this is so what we are seeing is that male preference for slim women isn't the almost fully hardwired thing they say it is, but is instead the result of a social and economic consensus about value, and therefor the disgust some modern men say they feel at contemplating sex with large women is actually in large part disgust at themselves for failing to climb the social hierarchy sufficiently to obtain a woman who is regarded as higher value.

If this is the case one would expect men in situations with less easy social mobility and much less expectation of being able to climb the hierarchy to be less angry at being offered less than the current ideal. They forgive themselves for not being higher value because well shit that's just the way it goes if you're (insert reason why social mobility is not possible) and we might even see them making a virtue of preferring the less valued figure.

And indeed this is what we do see... in black men for example. Most black men have given up that game and cheerfuly fuck fat. Except of course the ones that are still in the game of trying to have all the trappings of success, and tend more to obsessing about fucking slim blondes and Asians.

One might also expect more anger towards women who are not the fashionable size and shape from men who have what it takes to climb socially and economically, but simply fail to climb in terms of their attractiveness. And indeed this is the case... migrant men, asian men, high functioning autistic men, short men... all very angry at not being given what they see is their due because women have this pesky tendency to have their own preferences too.

Oh and let's not forget the huge numbers of men who will cheerfully fuck fat if they are drunk enough to have become shameless or if they know that it can be kept totally secret.

Anyway, while having fewer obese people would be great for the overall health of a population, I'm not sure to what extent it will improve people's experiences of the sexual marketplace. A man's desire for a woman who is a bit of a sign of his success is not something that would fully disappear if every woman suddenly became HWP (or indeed, if every woman became obese) it would seek other outlets. I mean don't get me wrong, I think a more equal quality of partner being out there would help neutralise one of the drivers of these problems. It wouldn't neutralise all of them, though.

wtknight · 2019-06-14T15:47:45+00:00

In the U.S., I think I read that there are more overweight men than overweight women, but more obese women than obese men. So, if you’re an overweight guy complaining that you can’t attract fit Stacey, then your problems are self-imposed and you shouldn’t be complaining but improving yourself. But if you’re an overweight guy who would be fine with an overweight looksmatch but instead your hypothetical looksmatch is obese and you find obesity unattractive, then that’s kind of an issue. Unfortunately fat acceptance movements seem to be telling women that obesity is okay and telling men that they are shallow for not being attracted to obese women.

rebeccatwosocks · 2019-06-14T16:52:00+00:00

Can someone explain this to me like I'm five

itsokma · 2019-06-14T17:52:37+00:00

I'd say the issue for men is height, for women weight.

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WhatIsTheMeaningHere · 2019-06-14T18:02:42+00:00

None of my problems have to do with weight. I'm 5'11 around 150 pounds. I'm trying to put on more weight.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-06-14T19:12:05+00:00

Tell him to look into the Black Rock area. Or downtown, right around the courthouse/Joseph's Steakhouse. Those two tend to be safer

Aggressive_Beta · 2019-06-14T22:16:00+00:00

Percent of adults aged 20 and over with overweight, including obesity: 71.6%

That number is a lie. BMI is not an accurate measurement of whether or not someone is overweight. Body fat percentage is. When you go by that, the number is closer to 80% of people that are fat. Absolutely disgusting.

ItsOverBoyosLDAR · 2019-06-15T10:49:31+00:00

Being fat is a problem for men in the dating world but it isn't for women. I see tons of landwhales every day on the street holding hands with fit, muscular men or men who are at least slim. The reverse doesn't apply. Many landwhales outright refuse to date fat men just because they do have that option and taking advantage of male thirst to fuck men several points higher on the SMV scale. 7+/10 women are unreachable for above average guys even if they have their shit together and are in good shape. They are essentially only availabe to genetically gifted Gigachads, 10k a day CEOs and male models with god-tier facial aesthetics.

LeJacquelope · 2019-06-15T21:54:17+00:00

Even fat women have ZERO excuse for having difficulties dating. All women have large choices of men to date, and all of their problems come from deciding to raise the meta-price of their companionship through the roof, or deciding that they want to chase Chad. All.

blackedoutfast · 2019-06-14T19:16:55+00:00

like a lot of things, the data is somewhat misleading. there are a lot of trashy rural trailer parks and ghetto housing projects where almost everyone is obese af and all those landwhales are skewing the average.

if you go to a nicer, high cost of living area in a major city, fat people are actually pretty rare. and most of them will be the workers at starbucks or whole foods or whatever who don't actually live there.

also, i feel like those definitions for male overweight assumes the guy is a skinnyfat beta soyboi. there are a lot of jacked dudes who would technically fall into the "overweight" category but no one in real life would say they were fat.

darla10 · 2019-06-14T23:51:03+00:00

Fatties aren’t turned on by other fatties.

dejour · 2019-06-15T01:28:17+00:00

I think it's a factor, but I actually think it goes more the other way.

Person with normal BMI can't date successfully. That leads to depression. That leads to overeating and obesity. (And of course that leads to even more difficulty in dating)

[deleted] · 2019-06-15T01:46:49+00:00

Yo This convo is getting homoerotic AF. Can we all please agree that celebrities can't just be the barometer here?

Akashe88 · 2019-06-15T01:56:11+00:00

Obesity can't really be defined by weight alone. I have an extra 15 kgs on me through lean muscle mass compared to the average guy. Maybe more, I don't know.

A few of my coworkers are really into bodybuilding and have over 40kgs of muscle on them, with below 10% body fat.

Being fat fucks certainly doesn't make dating easier for people. Not saying I haven't considered dating chubby girls, but never actually done that.

Dash_of_islam · 2019-06-15T03:37:53+00:00

Most young people aren't fat. They need a few years before the bad habits catches up with them

It's the middle aged people that have the mid section expansion

Cyclone619y2j · 2019-06-16T16:23:25+00:00

Barely.

Women care about height much more than weight.

Tongue37 · 2019-07-09T20:08:36+00:00

I don't know but I have to be honest..it's quite alarming how many women I'm noticing to be overweight to an unhealthy degree..to be fair, men might be getting fat too but I'm not looking at them so I can't comment 😂😂.

But yeah, I see too many older and younger women losing the war on obesity..what's the cause though? Are they giving up? Is technology making them lazy? Something else?

GuyDude42069 · 2019-06-14T15:47:13+00:00

Every case is different, I'm considered overweight according to what you posted (I'm average height and I weigh 175 pounds), but I'm muscular so although I'm "overweight" I'm not fat. If a person is fat then yes a lot of difficulties they face when it comes to dating might be caused by their bodyfat since being fat is not attractive to most people.

lefactorybebe · 2019-06-14T16:01:49+00:00

How old does "adult" go to though? Yhe numbers might be skewed by people who are like 50+, who tend to be heavier than 20 or 30 somethings.

Also depends a lot on where you live. Like around me people are pretty health conscious. If you walk around my town you don't see many fat people. Like don't get me wrong, there's definitely people who are overweight, but they're definitely the minority.

rhyth7 · 2019-06-14T15:45:10+00:00

Most people would probably be very attractive if they had the proper weight and also nice skin.

[deleted] · 2019-06-14T17:23:48+00:00

Love this yo. Fuckin gold. Thankyou for taking the time to put this in passive aggressive health for the mods. 👍🏻👏👏👏

Although. It isn't just the fat bitter bitches. It's every woman who battles reality and can't accept that they are not special, they are not princesses and life isn't a Disney movie. It's every woman who thinks they deserve the best guy. It's the hypergamy. It's the inflated ego and spoiled behavior.

PrideInIndividuality · 2019-06-14T19:04:18+00:00

To what degree are these issues caused/exacerbated by a majority of adults being above a healthy weight?

It only affects women. It affects men only if they stay fat. If a man is fat and on his way of losing weight, he can get some pussies.

PaintingOfJoan · 2019-06-14T15:57:27+00:00

Change your title to foreigners and incels complain about dating and women write dumb opinion pieces. Fat people fuck and date so none at all.