Are women really repulsed by male emotions or is this a myth?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-03-30T22:14:08+00:00

Restatement of macho tokens theory from one of the other billion times this has been discussed as requested:

man amasses macho or "Attractive" tokens during the initial courtship by engaging in masculine behaviors and attitudes, all of the things TRP advises and just normal masculine things. this macho cred, or tokens, can then later be spent on moments of vulnerability that are actually very bonding and attractive (he DOES have a sensitive side!!) in the romantic sense, they are like little drops of glue in the relationship for the woman. but the key issue is men have to build UP this macho token account before they can start spending it. a lot of men who go to TRP or who are unsuccessful with women have a "macho tokens" deficit when they go into relating to women, so any vulnerability or lack of manliness is immediately counted against them. TRP helps them fill their account with tokens FIRST so that the inevitable displays of less masculine behavior will be forgiven

DebatePony · 2019-03-30T19:27:48+00:00

For me and my husband it's a myth. Can't count the number of times I've held him to cry, or listen to his worries, or ease his insecurities, or help him fight his personal demons.

But then again he does the same for me.

Nobodykers · 2019-03-30T19:32:18+00:00

I don't know why I have to be turned on all the time according to RP. My man can cry in front of me and I'll comfort him but in the moment I'm not gonna be thinking about sucking his dick. It's not gonna affect the long term attraction I feel to him tho.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-03-30T19:18:52+00:00

theres a range of emotions. women are repulsed by woe-is-me loser crybabying.

frustrationlvl100 · 2019-03-30T21:42:12+00:00

I’m actually repulsed by anger in a way. Angry men scare the living shit out of me and if one is angry a lot I’ll slowly try to stop spending time with them.

For sadness, I want a partner who is mentally healthy and can handle their emotions. So, if you’re crying everyday for hours on end, yeah I’m repulsed, but if they just need someone to lean on/ vent to every now and then I’m absolutely fine with that. I can’t be their entire support network, but I don’t mind being part of it.

2019-03-30T19:33:20+00:00

Men with emotion? Love em. People who let emotions define their character? (Like wife beaters who use anger as an excuse) nah

LeaneGenova · 2019-03-30T19:31:17+00:00

In my view, a complete myth. I've seen all of my female friends choose men who are mentally healthy and have a strong connection to their emotions. I did the same, and am probably with the ringleader of strong male emotions.

That said, nobody wants to be with someone who makes them responsible for that person's emotions. Be an adult and learn coping skills.

2019-03-30T19:46:12+00:00

Myth but women mostly want the good emotions. Men who are unable to share their vulnerable emotions loose the ability to share the good emotions too so I would rather have the whole package.

SpaceWhiskey · 2019-03-30T21:16:57+00:00

Not necessarily, no.

There is a lot of gray area here though. I’ve heard men tell tales about how “the second they showed some vulnerability” their partner lost attraction. However, when pressed further I’ve seen it revealed that this second of vulnerability was really some kind of meltdown, which is a bit different.

I like men who aren’t afraid to cry a bit during a sad movie. Or who are comfortable communicating to the point of being self-aware of their insecurities. I want to know if something I’m doing is hurting his feelings. I want him to be able to come to me with the heavy stuff if he needs to. These are healthy ways to express emotions. I happen to like sweet, sensitive men very much.

Unhealthy ways include treating your partner like an emotional punching bag, wanting to vent all the time but never willing to reciprocate, or having some kind of serious issue with depression and refusing to get help for it. More than once, I have seen men do this to a partner and then blame her for the eventual implosion because he “opened up” and she couldn’t handle it.

And yes there are some women who turn their noses up at men who get teary eyed during romantic movies. Those women are assholes, send the sensitive boys to me.

Bekiala · 2019-03-30T21:45:22+00:00

I come from a family of emotional men. It seems heartwarming and normal that the men in my family cry.

I will admit my family has very different values than a lot of others.

coratoad · 2019-03-31T02:47:58+00:00

Women are repulsed by child-like behavior. You can express any emotion you want, just don't do it in a child-like way.

2019-03-30T19:12:15+00:00

It’s a myth. Emotionally unavailable sucks.

LeaneGenova · 2019-03-30T20:27:29+00:00

Dear men -

This is not a question for you to answer. Please stop post top level comments. I'm going to start awarding "Can't read" flair to people who keep posting where they aren't supposed to.

theevilhillbilly · 2019-03-30T23:07:32+00:00

It's a myth. I have a bunch of male friends and they've all vented to me and cried and what not and I dont think any less of them.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-03-30T19:23:02+00:00

It’s a myth, sort of. A passionate man is an exciting man. A morose man is not.

douchebag_throwaway3 · 2019-03-30T21:31:37+00:00

It's a myth. My last boyfriend was severely depressed and cried on me all the time and I still found him extremely attractive. It concerned me and on occasion frustrated me and I was very resentful that I could not expect that kind of support in return but it did not disgust me.

When men on here make those sort of claims I really, really want to hear the other side of the story. Did she leave you because you showed an emotion and it dried up her vagina, or did she leave you because you allowed your mental illness to run your life, treated her like a therapist/stress ball/mom while totally neglecting her needs all while refusing to seek any kind of professional treatment?

Because I did eventually break up with that ex and that was why. I stuck it out for 4.5 years and it was a constant from the beginning. Major catalyst was when he got too depressed to have sex with me. I realized I was pouring energy into helping a person who didn't want to be helped and wasn't really bringing anything to my life besides stress.

lurkingconfused · 2019-03-30T22:04:48+00:00

It took my man a while before he was comfortable being vulnerable with me. Especially crying. He was raised with boys-don't-cry, etc. Once he realized I wasn't put off when he broke down over his dog about a year or so in, he slowly became more expressive and it's never been a negative. That he trusts me enough to be totally open means everything to me since with other people he's not like that at all.

mr_kuk · 2019-03-30T19:10:52+00:00

The standard for male humans is the same as the standard as for other males of the animal kingdom, weakness equals loss of mating opportunities.

2019-03-30T21:58:52+00:00

I remember the thread....to paraphrase...“ I had a meltdown when someone called my costume boring, so I refused to go to a party. I can’t believe it! People actually sided with my girlfriend “

If you consider this “emotionally open”, you will find a pussy Sahara everywhere within 20’ of your neurotic tears. If you are an anxious, neurotic individual it sucks, if you are male, it will be much harder to find a gf. If you are a woman, you’d better be Hot, most guys are going to need a lot of incentive to put up with you.

If you are otherwise emotionally healthy but have genuine fears, appropriate situational sadness, reasonable insecurities, sharing with a partner can help form deeper bonds.

yasee · 2019-03-30T19:57:26+00:00

no men's emotions don't disgust me. I keep my own emotions on a fairly short leash though and sometimes I am not as empathetic as I could be when people do things like display visible anger or frustration. I'm much better with sadness

poppy_blu · 2019-03-30T20:13:54+00:00

I think the actual sequence is: men of the manosphere disgust women. Said men rationalize it as “cuz I showed emotion one time.” Not cause I have the 24/7 personality of a weasel with constipation.

iLiveInAHologram · 2019-03-30T22:49:58+00:00

Not usually, no. But there are times when it’s too early to be expecting me to be the guy’s source of emotional support when we should be in the phase of getting to know one another and making good impressions.

Once I have an emotional connection to the guy I’d be happy to support him when he needs a shoulder. In general, I’m the anxious and indecisive person so I do need my partner to be my rock. But I can take on the role at times when need arises.

CatchPhraze · 2019-03-31T01:16:27+00:00

No, it's not attractive, but it's not unattractive. it's one of those things that we go through life and deal with. Just how men aren't turned or or repulsed by Thier females partners emotional responses. It's not a one or the other kinda thing.

Truedemocracy4 · 2019-03-30T19:31:15+00:00

Think of how you’d react to your dad showing emotions. Did he throw a temper tantrum over something small like his team losing a sports game? You’d lose respect for him. Did he cry after losing his job? You’d lose respect for him, and maybe have concern for your families well being. Did your mom cry after losing her job? You wouldn’t care as much because you know the family will be alright

Did your dad cry after the death of a close loved one? You’d understand. Emotion is fine, but men don’t get the same flexibility that women do. I know multiple women who have cried at work or after work from a bad day. A guy doing this once means he is broken to society

Theseus_The_King · 2019-03-31T01:27:54+00:00

Absolutely not! My boyfriend is really emotional, and one of my favorite things to do with him is have him talk out his insecurities while I pet him , cuddle and kiss him. It’s better than sex even!

Christi6746 · 2019-03-31T01:54:16+00:00

I LOVE men's emotions. For a man to never express any kind of vulnerability or sadness or anything is a HUGE turnoff.

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2019-03-30T19:12:13+00:00

Anger and sadness, yes.

But I also find those emotions repulsive in women.

JadeGirl82 · 2019-03-31T04:52:43+00:00

I'd honestly never heard of this. I'm not repulsed by male displays of emotion, and I can't think of any women who are.

slapperfish9000 · 2019-03-31T06:01:37+00:00

Brene Brown did research on the topic. Here are some of her thoughts.

"What Brown also discovered in the course of her research is that, contrary to her early assumptions, men's shame is not primarily inflicted by other men. Instead, it is the women in their lives who tend to be repelled when men show the chinks in their armor."

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2017/12/pew-gender/547508/

There's a huge desirability bias in this thread

2019-03-31T07:59:00+00:00

It's a myth

poppy_blu · 2019-03-30T20:19:10+00:00

Men on ppd: Q4W Are women repulsed by men who show emotion?

Women on ppd: I am not repulsed by men showing emotions

Men on ppd: Outlier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I get that we have to pretend the world is black and white around here, but women like men vary in personality, which includes their tolerance for the sensitivity of others and their ability to handle themselves in such a situation. Some women do not like a man to show emotion at all. Some women are not like that. Some women handle it better than others. Im not sure what else there is to say.

KikiYuyu · 2019-03-31T01:15:06+00:00

I, nor any woman I know is disgusted by men's emotions. That's because I'm not friends with psychos.

gunbusterxl · 2019-03-30T19:28:54+00:00

Everyone is repulsed by emotions other than happiness or anger. However, there are a lot of thirsty men desperate for sex so women tend to get away with it.

DartagnanDema · 2019-03-31T01:04:47+00:00

I went out with a guy friend who was into me, he was talking about his issues and he said he couldn’t talk about it to girls because “no one wants to see a (his height) grown man cry.”

I was more disgusted that he said that sentence, than if he had just cried right there at the bar.

LonesomeSidLeon · 2019-03-31T02:23:33+00:00

I was raised in a big Native American family that all the men could cry in. My Dad and Uncles and Older Brothers were the biggest bad ass manly men Ive ever known, truly legendary gents, and if they were sad or something touched their heart, they cried without shame, and no one saw it as weakness. It was just seen as part of life. Everyone cries. They all stayed married to kind caring women. Im a big sorta scary looking dude, kinda like Hagrid, and I cry whenever I fucking feel like it. Fight me. Ive been in 4 serious LTRs, for about 5, 6, 7 and 14 years apiece, and we separated for completely unrelated reasons... and I was happy to learn my lessons and say goodbye.

If anything, the women Ive been with were very sweet and supportive and understanding when I cried. It seemed to make them feel closer and more attracted to me emotionally. Emotional Unavailability and a poor me attitude is the real killer. Expressing appropriate emotions in an appropriate way and then getting on with life is very attractive.

Ive had a couple people try to fuck with me about it, which didnt work so well for them. I figure, its normal to express your emotions and abnormal to bottle them up, and if they cant handle being around an emotional dude, it aint gonna work. If anyone is gonna give you shit for crying out your feelings in an appropritate time and place, get out.

Ive always seen the willingness to cry when something is hurtful or touching as a huge sign of strength. Both the strength of the emotionas and the strength of the person expressing them. Plus, crying is like throwing a mini tantrum, it washes your heart clean and it can help to reset your emotions and aid creative thinking once the storm has passed.

If someone is crying for a long time every day, there is probably something bad wrong... either a deep emotional wound or they lost a dear friend or clinical depression... and they need help... but crying for a few minutes every few days or weeks because something is beautiful or hurtful or sad is healthy.

Willow-girl · 2019-03-30T21:16:18+00:00

Just don't whine.

2019-03-31T07:36:33+00:00

For me it's true. However I'm also repulsed by female emotions. I can't handle other people having emotions around me. It makes me deeply uncomfortable.

I wouldn't be repulsed if my husband cried because he doesn't make a habit of it. But if it were like, daily, I'd definitely be repulsed.

I struggle with how to teach my highly emotional 6 year old boy to handle his emotions because of this. I have taken a parenting class and read a lot of parenting books, and I know all the parenting books say not to dismiss his emotions but to acknowledge them. I try really hard to do this, but honestly can't tell if it's working or not, and I wonder if there is some truth to the "man up" style of parenting.

Roxanneq · 2019-03-31T09:39:29+00:00

Yes. Makes me uncomfortable. Especially if its early on.

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2019-03-31T11:15:30+00:00

Men's emotions don't disgust me, but if a man whines about having to take responsibility, that disgusts me.

For example:

If my husband got into some sort of trouble and was upset about it, that does not disgust me. I would support him through it.

If my husband got into some sort of trouble and whines about having to deal with the consequences, that disgusts me.

Any man who whines about their responsibilities is repulsive to me, this doesn't show strength to me.

CombatStacey · 2019-03-31T15:40:24+00:00

I'm disgusted if men become angry over nothing or are racist/sexist.

I love it when a boyfriend is open with me. It feels special, like we're sharing his inner space, something no one else sees. Crying and sadness are part of the territory.

Too much sadness would mean depression - doesn't disgust me but he would need help with it.

People who are sadsacks in general can grate - men or women - they seem to find a way to feel hurt about every encounter and event in their lives. I strongly suspect that men who think women hate emotions in men are this personality type and want to use a woman as a psychologist and then get bitter when she pulls away.

2019-03-31T16:08:05+00:00

This question is silly because even if a woman was repulsed by male emotions, this is not something someone would openly admit.

brokegradstudent_93 · 2019-04-02T14:38:18+00:00

I personally love when my SO opens up about actual emotional stuff. He still has a hard time showing it (crying etc) but he will open up and tell me his feelings and I feel more connected to him when he does. I wish men would show those emotions way more than anger anyway.

2019-04-03T14:26:31+00:00

Myth. I love an expressive guy. Stoic is boring. I dont like to play "guess how I feel right now."

LillthOfBabylon · 2019-04-20T05:32:26+00:00

the manosphere think they can’t show any emotion other than happiness or anger

Because they're mentally ill and take things too far. Does your husband act like male feminists or like that Gamestop trans woman screaming "IT'S MA'AM? And does your husband constantly whine and blame you for things you have no control over?

GamingYourMom · 2019-03-30T21:14:36+00:00

Women lie about this shit, so they can play beta males.

ilptrandom · 2019-03-31T03:39:31+00:00

I'm not disgusted by men's emotions per se. But anyone's emotions can get annoying if the emotional person isn't attending to certain aspects of the social situation.

There's two groups we're talking about here, right? Guys you're in a relationship with and guys who are like the whiny guys who can't get laid and are whoring for sympathy anyplace they can.

In a relationship there's sympathy over adverse events then there's sympathy for being a recidivist fuckup, for having to suffer things everyone knew were coming but your refused to deal with etc. For example if I'm in a relationship and for the past ten years my SO has been telling me no and stonewalling whenever I want to tidy and reorganise and declutter the place until eventually I feel alienated and like I'm just camping out in his cluttered cramped house and can't have hobbies or better more functional furniture choices or anything ever because the place is full of badly organised crap... then his mother needs to go into a nursing home and he wants to bring a tonne of stuff he finds sentimental back to his place and it turns out there's like 200 hours of decluttering and reorganising before that can happen and because of this he can't have the piano... and he comes whine at me and bring me his pain over this... well he's going to get sympathy over his mother but just not going to get a sympathetic hearing on the piano. He's going to get "well that's what happens when you haven't been taking care of business" See how it works? The deeper into the relationship you go the more it becomes that the things that your partner has been struggling to get you to deal with are the the birds that are coming home to roost in your life and vice versa. This is especially true in your forties and onwards. It isn't that his wife doesn't understand him, she understands all too well. It isn't that she doesn't care, it is that he's the one who has to start caring. This is part of what TRP goes on about, right? Own your shit. If you don't own your shit it will own you and everyone who has been trying to convince you to own your shit will just step back and let you be owned by it because maybe now you'll learn. The more they've been trying to convince you the bigger the step back they'll take.

I guess what gets to me the most about the emotions of whiny guys who can't get laid is their sense of entitlement to be listened to by randomly chosen people (especially randomly chosen women, why why why do they choose us first?) and then receive something good or useful from the person they feel should have no choice but to listen. I mean no shit, I'm a woman, and if I had a problem of similar levels of hurt and pain, and didn't want to hire a professional listener of some sort, depending on the exact problem there would be maybe three people in the world I could begin to talk about it with in depth, and each of them has their limits... limits to how much they'll listen, limits to what understanding they can bring to the situation, limits to how much support they can be. I mean there's REASONS why people can't just unload a bunch of emotions on just anyone and get boundless help in return. If I've a partner I can't go up to a random guy and talk to him about my sex life, for example, and neither can I sit around and listen when a random guy decides to talk to me about his sex life. You gotta choose carefully who you go to with what and sometimes when there is no-one to go to you've got to think about why, hire a professional and maybe make some more friends so that doesn't happen in future.

hoere_des_heeren · 2019-03-30T21:18:23+00:00

Some are, some aren't.

Do men’s emotions disgust you? Is there a context where it’s for men to cry or be sad without turning you off? Or is an expressive man okay?

Emotional humans annoy me—this is not a gender thing. I've a very low tolerance of sentimentality, irrationality, and exuberance and those three things are completely unrelated qualities that need not go hand in hand.

Title	Are women really repulsed by male emotions or is this a myth?
Author	lemondrop1992
Upvotes	47
Comments	229
Date	March 30, 2019 7:02 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/b7epii/are_women_really_repulsed_by_male_emotions_or_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-women-really-repulsed-by-male-emotions-or-is.256514 https://theredarchive.com/post/256514