Why do women tend to have lower self-steem about their appearance when they're more desirable than their male counterpart?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-03-16T17:16:06+00:00

men and women are not comparing their attractiveness to the ATTRACTIVENESS of the opposite sex.

women judge themselves against OTHER women in the female social matrix for self esteem

male attention does nothing for self esteem on that level. if a woman feels inferior to other WOMEN she will suffer.

when i was at the height of my attractivenes to men i spent hours crying in the mirror over my intrasexual beauty marker flaws. my hips too square, my head too flat, my nose too big, clothes didnt fit me like they fit other girls on and on and on. all the male attention in the world didnt alleviate my comparing myself to OTHER WOMEN and coming up short TO MYSELF

i for the life of me cannot figure out why anyone thinks women are comparing themselves to men and then judging themselves

kandyapplez · 2019-03-16T18:21:48+00:00

this is like asking why would a 5'6" man feel insecure about his height when he's still taller than most girls

GridReXX · 2019-03-16T16:55:28+00:00

Because a man can still be celebrated and loved by large swaths of ppl and secure hella pussy even if he’s ugly as a foot but successful and rich.

An ugly woman does not get celebrated by the masses. Period.

inb4 someone says Margaret Thatcher issa no still.

bonslytoss · 2019-03-16T19:41:38+00:00

I can't speak for women, but I think the reason behind why men have high self-esteem relative to their looksmatch female counterparts is because you can still be accepted in society as an ugly man. I'm really unattractive, but I go to the gym and I have an upbeat, sparkling personality, so I have tons and tons of male friends.

Ugly women aren't even accepted by other women. It must be very lonely to be an unattractive woman.

[deleted] · 2019-03-16T19:33:32+00:00

Because men can make it in life on things other than looks.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-03-16T17:08:25+00:00

Because women internalize emotions. Guys will never understand because men externalize

Also, men really don’t appreciate how openly a woman’s appearance is discussed in everyday conversation. Just yesterday, I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in a couple months - she literally pet me, told me I looked amazing, smelled good, and had the softest skin. I returned the compliments (with genuine compliments)

My husband has been congratulated for “landing” me. Right in front of me

I mentioned elsewhere on PPD that I had norovirus about 5 weeks ago, which resulted in me losing 15 pounds that I really didn’t have to lose - every single one of my straight guy friends has told me to eat a pizza and put the weight back on. My clients have even commented on it

-TheGreasyPole- · 2019-03-16T17:31:14+00:00

One of them you're missing, and the big one are that women are more neurotic than men everywhere, and much more neurotic in western nations.

Neurotic people worry a lot more about themselves, and are much less confident in their abilities and attributes than other people.

Men are, for want of a better word, "programmed" to be over-confident relative to reality. That works out well for men.

Women are, for want of a better word, "programmed" to be under-confident relative to reality. That works out well for women.

Proof I'm not just making this up.

Chart

Study the chart is drawn from

This almost entirely by itself explains the difference. And the fact that it' cross-cultural shows that it's an inherent/instictive difference between men and women that is very likely genetic in origin.

Non-neurotic men left more copies, neurotic women left more copies, and 1,000 generations on Men/Women reflect the outcomes of that differential replication in their instincts and psychological make-up.

damaskrose · 2019-03-16T17:56:02+00:00

Because people literally tell us we're fat and ugly all the time.

brodudedoggman · 2019-03-16T18:11:56+00:00

Because men are success object and women are sexual objects

chaddad9000 · 2019-03-16T16:56:12+00:00

One possible reason may be that men may be viewed negatively for bemoaning their appearances, where for women it seems fairly common. Both subconsciously and consciously we compare ourselves to others, either as a way to feel better about ourselves or bc we see people who we desire to be like. Intersexual & intrasexual competition is fierce for both men and women; women especially may feel the need to put others looks down to make themselves appear more desirable.

Are you referring to male counterpart as in an attractive woman and her boyfriend or just men and general? I can think of a breadth of research on this topic and would love to discuss further.

abaxeron · 2019-03-16T19:33:03+00:00

Beta fishing.

Women cry out loud how ugly they are, and hordes of thirsty guys come to the rescue to convince them otherwise.

Men just duct-tape sheets of black plastic onto the mirrors in their dwelling.

throwinout · 2019-03-16T16:45:00+00:00

Because they aren't interested in their "male counterpart" and instead constantly seek someone both better than them and better than their last partner.

HonestyOverCivility · 2019-03-16T16:53:47+00:00

When it comes to SMV, a woman’s appearance is much more important than a man’s; simple as that. A some level women overwhelmingly understand this and put a lot of effort into improving their appearance as a result, hence the focus on makeup, fashion, anti-aging progress, plastic surgery etc

MGTOWtoday · 2019-03-16T19:04:04+00:00

Because men’s self esteem is based upon achievement while women’s self esteem is based upon sexuality. In a world filled with social media and pornography, women are just going to have low self esteem. One of the best things about traditionalism, is that women were largely freed of sexual competition among their peers.

Werewolf1810 · 2019-03-16T20:29:00+00:00

What interests me more about this concept, is why on a biological level this idea of competition exists. We know why, biologically, men would feel the need to compete with each other over securing a mate, but for women that's not really biologically a thing, right? Because a man is generally more than happy to mate with all the women he can, biologically speaking. So where does this female notion of competition come from?

rus9384 · 2019-03-16T16:48:35+00:00

Women are trained to not be "vain" from an early age. Fashion magazines regularly remind them that they are never pretty enough, and it is ground in by their female friends all the time who playfully run down each other's appearance to keep it "real" and most insidiously, to keep her beneath herself. It is a massive ego-killing competition that never ends, and no one ever agreed to join. But here we are. Nonstop judgments by everyone we meet, thankfully most of it is silent. Of course women have low self esteem. Even if men tell them they are pretty, their female friends and relatives will make sure they never believe it.

TheBookOfSeil · 2019-03-16T16:49:53+00:00

Neuroticism.

ifeelfuckingterrible · 2019-03-16T21:52:16+00:00

Men don't complain as much because there's no point. Nobody cares and no one will listen. Everyone will just call him a baby for letting others know about his insecurities.

[deleted] · 2019-03-16T22:32:46+00:00

Isn't that obvious? If I want to be an olympic swimmer I'd have low self-esteem too. If I want to be an average swimmer I wouldn't. Self-esteem is about goals.

If women are only happy with their appearance if they can attract an 8/10 or something then surely they're more insecure about their looks because they set themselves unrealistic standards. Just pick any online women citing "this is the beauty standard set by men". Nope, we didn't set that. You've just picked the standard the top 10% of men have. The issue was never that men set these standards - the issue is women's ambitions biting themselves in the ****. You can show them REALISTIC images of men's standards and they'll reject it because the 9/10 guy they're after has higher standards. The actual problem is women thinking "most men are trash" which is the root of their insecurity.

jiujiuberry · 2019-03-16T18:06:34+00:00

society places more importance on woman's good looks than men's

neualgae · 2019-03-16T19:37:22+00:00

Women are redpilled/blackpilled/whateverpilled by society at an early age. Every little girl understands looks are heavily tied to her value as a person, and she is very aware of everything that differs from whatever the beauty ideal is. You know how completely weird it is when incel types absolutely obsess about their jaw angle and height and such? Basically every woman has done this about some body part or other.

Look at something like that whole thigh gap trend. It was completely about meeting society's rules that thigh gap = attractive = you are valuable as a person. It had nothing to do with being more attractive than x% of girls, it was just a black-and-white "no thigh gap = failure". Also why men going "but I don't even like girls that skinny!" was irrelevant and annoying.

Girls are insecure and competitive about stuff like this before puberty. It has little to do with attracting men. I don't know why men keep trying to make up weird theories about how it is secretly about them.

DriedUpPlum · 2019-03-16T17:50:45+00:00

Because almost all of society still places a woman’s value on her appearance first and substance second. Blame the baby boomers. How often has a millennial woman’s first words received from an adult family member been “Oh look how pretty you are?” And then from their own mothers they will get fashion and makeup advice as if they aren’t good enough as a human unless dressed and painted up for attraction.

Men get it too but they aren’t encouraged to dress nice all the time or wear makeup so it’s more like “whelp, shit is what it is.”

Pikachu___2000 · 2019-03-16T18:06:11+00:00

Actually I think in terms of looks men and women are about even. It's just that it's socially acceptable for women to put on make up and that can do wonders to someone's face. Now imagine if no women wore make up and they didn't use filters etc. They would all be on the level of their male counterparts.

They make it even harder for your average male because women like to date up. So that girl in the picture is a '5'. With make up on she's a '7'. She thinks that she deserves a guy who is an '8' or at least a '7.5' Her other classmates don't have a chance because she's raised the minimum threshold for who she'll date. So she's turning down 5's and 6's who are her looks match because she thinks she deserves this.

As for the other part of your post. Women feel insecure about their looks because they're "looks" are a facade. If you put on make up every morning that "look" starts to become your identity. When the make up comes off you look like your real self. You know that "identity" you show in public is not real. The one that gets complimented, the one that gets approached. What would that guy say if he saw you without the make up?

3vilg0d · 2019-03-16T17:02:35+00:00

Men have accepted their appearance and know it can't be changed its better to do things that could be changed. It's just waste to worry over something permanent which you have no control over.

Also, Women were told to be careful while playing and avoid injuries from young age. Men played rough and it was a new wound every day while playing. If you implant same belief to men from young age maybe they would also be more conscious about their appearance like women.

Ultramegasaurus · 2019-03-16T17:27:18+00:00

Because they so don't care about being desirable by average and below men they basically delete it from their consciousness. That's also the reason why the mainstream view is that men are the shallow and commitment-phobic gender: women only care about the opinions and actions of top 20% men who can afford to be picky and flaky.

JohnWangDoe · 2019-03-16T17:46:33+00:00

Biological different. Female are more geared toward communication, nonverbal gestures, and communities. However male are wired to just do things.

OfSpock · 2019-03-17T00:02:40+00:00

It's less that women have low self esteem than that men have high self esteem. Look at all the studies showing that men think many more women are into them than actually are. Most of the guys who hit on me were in my league but maybe 10% weren't even within shouting distance of it.

EminemLovesGrapes · 2019-03-17T01:22:37+00:00

They're on average more neurotic than men.

[deleted] · 2019-03-17T04:42:21+00:00

If you look at the math of it, women find a much smaller percentage of men actually attractive. So while they may make themselves more attractive than average, they may not be attractive enough to pull in and keep the small percentage of men they want to.

SeemedGood · 2019-03-16T17:22:14+00:00

Projection.

Physical appearance is more important in sexual attraction to women than men and so women presume that it is more important to men than it actually is.

I realize that most will see this view as counter-intuitive. I would offer as evidence the various dating app surveys demonstrating that women find a smaller percentage of men sexually attractive than men find women sexually attractive.

SirNemesis · 2019-03-16T17:23:31+00:00

Women are hypergamous and super judgmental about men. They judge their own looks the same way.

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meomeowmeoww · 2019-03-17T03:28:26+00:00

Men will fuck anything, its hardly a compliment if a man wants to fuck your hole.

Daffan · 2019-03-17T09:04:13+00:00

There have been many studies where women are shown to be the biggest abusers and critics of women, not men.

They feel insecure because there is always hotter girl and they feel bad.

DXBrigade · 2019-03-17T13:06:36+00:00

Because for women beauty is the sole criteria. Also, women tend to be more anxious.

Title	Why do women tend to have lower self-steem about their appearance when they're more desirable than their male counterpart?
Author	notreallymuch
Upvotes	45
Comments	240
Date	March 16, 2019 4:43 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/b1uf14/why_do_women_tend_to_have_lower_selfsteem_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-women-tend-to-have-lower-self-steem-about.256725 https://theredarchive.com/post/256725