Copying and pasting a comment I made on a recent thread, which sparked an OP by popular demand (meaning like 5 people lol). This thread is different because the previous OP was arguing that insecurity claims are "overused" which is not the same as insecurity not inherently being a character flaw.

Essentially, I am arguing that it is normal and realistic to feel insecure at certain times. Feeling insecure is not a character flaw as long as there is a credible threat, and this can include romantic situations. Insecurity becomes a character flaw only when there is no credible threat, or maybe because the person handled a "grey area" situation where its hard to tell if the threat is credible, poorly.

For example, I have been arrested several times and before bailing out of jail, had to sit for 10+ hours in a holding tank with mostly losers but also some obvious hardcore gang members arrested for violent felonies. I feel insecure sitting right next to the 6'3" Norteno with XIV tattooed on his throat, not because of some character flaw of mine, but because this man is actually, in reality, a very dangerous person and am unsafe simply being in his proximity. I cannot leave this tiny area and have virtually no means of defending myself assuming he attacks me for any reason. If he wanted me dead, he could probably kill me in a matter of seconds and no one would care, there is literally nothing I could do about the situation. I am powerless here, and that sucks. Fortunately, the gang member probably won't attack me without provocation, but its still scary.

Another examlpe: some average height, average looking, 5/10 22 year old struggles with dating all his life to finally luck out and get the genuine affection of a 7/10 qt in his social circle. They've been dating a year or so, sex is regular and enthusiastic. They're at a party and both kind of tipsy but not wasted and some tipsy 9/10 6'3" Chad starts hitting on her, she's responding flirtatiously, and our beta feels intensely insecure because in the dating world, he is exactly who he'd be in jail and this Chad is the romantic equivalent of the gang member. He probably won't actually steal your girl, she almost certainly won't cheat with that guy at all least of all with her boyfriend there, but he's clearly the bigger more desirable dog, there's nothing to be done about it and it really sucks. He's feeling insecure about a credible threat, not a made up one. That's not to say these feelings justify beta yelling at his girlfriend for no reason, or smashing a bottle over Chad's head. But he is reasonable for having a frank talk with qt about how this makes him feel, and a reasonable expectation that she respect his feelings on the subject in the future. TRP is probably ROFL at that last sentence and I understand exactly why, don't need it explained to me, its not the topic of this post.

We can flip genders: 20 year old, 7/10 betty has been burned bad 1-2 times by ons/fwb she thought would turn into an LTR and it didn't. She finally meets "Mr Right" and they've been dating happily for a year, discussed marriage and kids comfortably in the future, no major problems really. Suddenly they're tipsy at a part and sloppy sally bursts onto the scene wearing something gratuitously slutty, immediately grabbing the attention of the whole room. Unfortunately, ol' Sal has a bangin body, everyone's seen her nudes and frankly they're amazing, and all the Chads talk about how great a lay she is. Now, "Mr. Right" won't commit to this girl, but if he was single he very well may bang her, her sex appeal is indeniable, and Betty is not irrational feeling threatened by her. Sloppy Sal is a credible threat to her otherwise stable relationship she values and that's scary. Betty would not be justified slut shaming this girl, spreading nasty rumors about her, or picking a fight with her. But she would be justified expressing her feelings to Mr Right if he was flirting with her, staring gratuitously, etc.

Rather than writing off people's negative feelings as character flaws, we should acknowledge that credible threats exist to things people care a lot about, they may be confused with non credible threats sometimes, and this is not always a deep character flaw. It becomes a problem and character flaw when people start demanding shit like social media passwords and deleting other guys/girls numbers out of their phones etc. There is a point where this becomes a character flaw but its not most people and its really irritating how people immediately jump to conclusions that it is.