AITA for telling my wife that when/if she quits her job to be a SAHM I am not planing to do much in the way of household chores anymore?

18,509 points•4,635 comments•submitted by makeorbreak07 to r/AmItheAsshole

My wife and I have a 6 month old baby girl and a two year old boy. Wife hasn’t been too happy since returning to her job from her last maternity leave and I actually just got a new job.

At my old job I was working 45-50 hours a week. At my new job my hours fluctuate a lot — it can be anywhere from 60 to 80ish hours a week at the worst. I make a lot more though so there’s that. The pay raise makes it so my family can do really well on just one paycheck. My wife is ecstatic because this means she can be a SAHM which is what she’s wanted.

The issue is that my wife and I aren’t on the same page about what this change would mean. Before, when our work hours were almost equal, we divided housework pretty much equally. We also paid a housekeeping staff to come every other week to help us out. (Plus we have a nanny to care for our kids while we work).

I told my wife that her staying home would mean no more housekeeping staff or nanny. These cuts will help us afford to have just the one income and I also think it’s practical. She was mostly agreeable to that. But then she said that we should divide the chores 50-50 still.

I told her there was no way I was going to be taking on as many work hours as I am and then come home to cook or clean too. That would defeat the entire purpose of her quitting her job.

She looked at me like I was some sort of Neanderthal but I think what I’m saying is completely fair. I’m not expecting her to do any heavy lifting. Just tending to the kids, cooking, and doing a reasonable job keeping up the house. I recognize that this would be an old fashioned way of living and if she ever wanted to return to the workforce I would support her 100%. But I think it’s fair that if I’m the sole paycheck and working crazy hours I don’t come home to more stress and chaos.

Obviously my wife and I will have to work this out between ourselves. I’m mainly posting here as a sanity check to see if my thoughts on this issue are completely off base.

Edit: Well this blew up since I last checked it. I can see people are really passionate about this topic and you all have encouraged me to think more deeply about it. I will read as many of the (4.2K??) comments as I can. I think I’ll let my wife take a look at the thread too since many have gone out of their way to offer constructive comments for both of us.