There are also ways in which men deal with sexism and gender oppression that I was not aware of when I was walking around in a female body. A couple of years after my transition, I had a grad student I’d been mentoring. She started coming on to me, stalking me, sending me emails and texts. My adviser and the dean — both women — laughed it off. It went on for the better part of a year, and that was the year that I was going up for tenure. It was a very scary time. I felt very worried that if the student felt I was not returning her attentions she would claim that I had assaulted her. I felt like as a guy, I was not taken seriously. I had experienced harassment as a female person at another university and they had reacted immediately, sending a police escort with me to and from campus. I felt like if I had still been in my old body I would have gotten a lot more support.
Prior to my transition, I was an outspoken radical feminist. I spoke up often, loudly and with confidence. I was encouraged to speak up. I was given awards for my efforts, literally — it was like, “Oh, yeah, speak up, speak out.” When I speak up now, I am often given the direct or indirect message that I am “mansplaining,” “taking up too much space” or “asserting my white male heterosexual privilege.” Never mind that I am a first-generation Mexican American, a transsexual man, and married to the same woman I was with prior to my transition. My ability to empathize has grown exponentially, because I now factor men into my thinking and feeling about situations. Prior to my transition, I rarely considered how men experienced life or what they thought, wanted or liked about their lives. I have learned so much about the lives of men through my friendships with men, reading books and articles by and for men and through the men I serve as a licensed clinical social worker.
I do notice that some women do expect me to acquiesce or concede to them more now: Let them speak first, let them board the bus first, let them sit down first, and so on. I also notice that in public spaces men are more collegial with me, which they express through verbal and nonverbal messages: head lifting when passing me on the sidewalk and using terms like “brother” and “boss man” to acknowledge me. As a former lesbian feminist, I was put off by the way that some women want to be treated by me, now that I am a man, because it violates a foundational belief I carry, which is that women are fully capable human beings who do not need men to acquiesce or concede to them.
What continues to strike me is the significant reduction in friendliness and kindness now extended to me in public spaces. It now feels as though I am on my own: No one, outside of family and close friends, is paying any attention to my well-being.
The hormones made me more impatient. I had lots of female friends and one of the qualities they loved about me was that I was a great listener. After being on testosterone, they informed me that my listening skills weren’t what they used to be. Here’s an example: I’m driving with one of my best friends, Beth, and I ask her “Is your sister meeting us for dinner?” Ten minutes later she’s still talking and I still have no idea if her sister is coming. So finally, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I snapped and said, “IS SHE COMING OR NOT?” And Beth was like, “You know, you used to like hearing all the backstory and how I’d get around to the answer. A lot of us have noticed you’ve become very impatient lately and we think it’s that damn testosterone!”
I found the whole article an interesting read but I wanted to focus on a few excerpts that highlight an empathy gap between the genders.
I believe men today are all but forced to empathize with the female struggle while there doesn't appear to be much reciprocation in the opposite direction. I think any reasonable person here will agree that women receive more empathy than men. I want a discussion on how to close this gap, if that is even possible.
Q4All: Will women ever take a more empathetic stance towards men? What would make that happen?
General discussion on the article.
[–]ElbowStrike101 points102 points103 points (4 children) | Copy Link
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[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]__Some_person__1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points (52 children) | Copy Link
[–]UsedAlgae 1 points [recovered] (51 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mr_SmoogsThe 2nd most obnoxious poster here[S] 27 points28 points29 points (45 children) | Copy Link
[–]the_calibre_cat19 points20 points21 points (34 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (29 children) | Copy Link
[–]the_calibre_cat8 points9 points10 points (28 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point (26 children) | Copy Link
[–]the_calibre_cat14 points15 points16 points (19 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mr_SmoogsThe 2nd most obnoxious poster here[S] 2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]aznphenix0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]the_calibre_cat0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]aznphenix0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]the_calibre_cat0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]UsedAlgae 1 points [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Melthengylfmenslib3 points4 points5 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]UsedAlgae 1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Melthengylfmenslib0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Melthengylfmenslib-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mr_SmoogsThe 2nd most obnoxious poster here[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Melthengylfmenslib-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]yastru0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]UsedAlgae 1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]agree-with-you0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Fritz_Frauenraub 1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ffbtawPurple Pill Man0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Electra_CuteChristian, Flat Earther, Anti-Vaxxer, Astrologer1 point2 points3 points (87 children) | Copy Link
[–]sketch16200011 points12 points13 points (17 children) | Copy Link
[–]Electra_CuteChristian, Flat Earther, Anti-Vaxxer, Astrologer2 points3 points4 points (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]gasparddelanuit11 points12 points13 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]gasparddelanuit2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Electra_CuteChristian, Flat Earther, Anti-Vaxxer, Astrologer0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]gasparddelanuit2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sketch1620000 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]gasparddelanuit0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Electra_CuteChristian, Flat Earther, Anti-Vaxxer, Astrologer0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]gasparddelanuit1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Racistdude044 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Electra_CuteChristian, Flat Earther, Anti-Vaxxer, Astrologer0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Racistdude040 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Electra_CuteChristian, Flat Earther, Anti-Vaxxer, Astrologer1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (66 children) | Copy Link
[–]ImJuliusPepperwood 1 points [recovered] (62 children) | Copy Link
[–]gasparddelanuit2 points3 points4 points (56 children) | Copy Link
[–]ImJuliusPepperwood 1 points [recovered] (55 children) | Copy Link
[–]gasparddelanuit5 points6 points7 points (54 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]gasparddelanuit5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mylittleponee0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mylittleponee2 points3 points4 points (42 children) | Copy Link
[–]gasparddelanuit1 point2 points3 points (40 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mylittleponee2 points3 points4 points (39 children) | Copy Link
[–]reluctantly_red0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]ImJuliusPepperwood 1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]reluctantly_red2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]reluctantly_red1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]YaAmar0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]genethedog11 points12 points13 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]CatchPhrazeMaster Of Memeology-1 points0 points1 point (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]genethedog3 points4 points5 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]CatchPhrazeMaster Of Memeology2 points3 points4 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]genethedog0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]CatchPhrazeMaster Of Memeology1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]genethedog0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]CatchPhrazeMaster Of Memeology0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]genethedog0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]CatchPhrazeMaster Of Memeology0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]genethedog0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]CatchPhrazeMaster Of Memeology0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin✡️🐈✡️ the purring jew14 points15 points16 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Pope_LuciousSeparating the wheat from the hoes12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]wtknightGen X Slacker6 points7 points8 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]the_calibre_cat12 points13 points14 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]wtknightGen X Slacker6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]wtknightGen X Slacker2 points3 points4 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pope_LuciousSeparating the wheat from the hoes3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]wtknightGen X Slacker0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]wtknightGen X Slacker0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]LeJacquelopeHaving a son is child abuse1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Jammerly1 1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Willow-girlProud 2 B an American farmer1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mr_SmoogsThe 2nd most obnoxious poster here[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mr_SmoogsThe 2nd most obnoxious poster here[S] 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AutoModeratorMarried to MRS_DRgree[M] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Five_DecadesKnows what women want. Knows he doesn't have it0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]spoonthrower0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]VoidInvincibleFull Measure0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Jammerly1 1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]VoidInvincibleFull Measure0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]whichbladeNA Paler Shade of Purple0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Electra_CuteChristian, Flat Earther, Anti-Vaxxer, Astrologer-6 points-5 points-4 points (34 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mr_SmoogsThe 2nd most obnoxious poster here[S] 8 points9 points10 points (28 children) | Copy Link
[–]Electra_CuteChristian, Flat Earther, Anti-Vaxxer, Astrologer1 point2 points3 points (27 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mr_SmoogsThe 2nd most obnoxious poster here[S] 4 points5 points6 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]poppy_blublack midget wine mom 🍷3 points4 points5 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mr_SmoogsThe 2nd most obnoxious poster here[S] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Salty-Bastardjust an excitable boy1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]poppy_blublack midget wine mom 🍷1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Salty-Bastardjust an excitable boy2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]poppy_blublack midget wine mom 🍷2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Salty-Bastardjust an excitable boy2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (14 children) | Copy Link
[–]Electra_CuteChristian, Flat Earther, Anti-Vaxxer, Astrologer0 points1 point2 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Texastentialism#1 gimpgirl stan0 points1 point2 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]hiso_hiso 1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Texastentialism#1 gimpgirl stan4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]angels_fan 1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]goatismycopilotJohnI'monlydancing2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]the_calibre_cat0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Electra_CuteChristian, Flat Earther, Anti-Vaxxer, Astrologer0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Electra_CuteChristian, Flat Earther, Anti-Vaxxer, Astrologer0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hammerhauntsbread pill1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Gravel_RoadsJust a Pill-1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mr_SmoogsThe 2nd most obnoxious poster here[S] 6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Gravel_RoadsJust a Pill-2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]poppy_blublack midget wine mom 🍷-1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]poppy_blublack midget wine mom 🍷0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ich_bin_doch_geil-14 points-13 points-12 points (29 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mr_SmoogsThe 2nd most obnoxious poster here[S] 13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (17 children) | Copy Link
[+]ich_bin_doch_geil-7 points-6 points-5 points (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]orcscorper..||. |.|.| ...|| .|.|| |..||7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]analt223No Pill5 points6 points7 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]SpaceWhiskey🍃 Social Justice Druid 🍂0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]analt223No Pill2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BirdManBrrrr3 points4 points5 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]ich_bin_doch_geil-1 points0 points1 point (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mr_SmoogsThe 2nd most obnoxious poster here[S] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BirdManBrrrr4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Pope_LuciousSeparating the wheat from the hoes2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]ich_bin_doch_geil0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]ich_bin_doch_geil0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]ich_bin_doch_geil-5 points-4 points-3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LeJacquelopeHaving a son is child abuse1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link