I broke so many RP rules the other night.

First date with a new girl. Problems all started because of one little issue: She doesn't drink. Ever. Serious fitness chick. A legit athlete, runs marathons. Gorgeous body and an ass that would turn your momma gay.

That ruled out 90% of my usual spots. I also care about fitness, so I'm not a big drinker, but all my go-to night spots involve booze. The one exception is a hip independent coffee house. Unfortunately, that's where I first saw and approached her. Going back there for our date would've been lame.

Time for some new ideas. My first thought was ice skating. Fun and active. Checked the rink schedule. Kids' Christmas Pageant. No good. What else was open? Bowling or roller skating? Bleh. Stinky shoes and overrun with teenagers. Movies? Hell no.

Fuck it. There's a sushi place near one of those ritzy outdoor mall/parks. We can grab a quick bite and go for a stroll. The park is all lit up for Christmas. She agrees. Great!

Morning of the date, there's sudden and severe cold snap. We won't be doing any walking outside. No chance. This is now a full on dinner date. Great.

We get a table by the window. Gorgeous view of the city skyline. Soft music and candlelight. Very romantic. Except I am not Hugh Grant or some neutered Disney prince. I am a scoundrel, the voice of temptation.

But I'm making the best of it. Told a story that got her laughing. Even a tiny playful tease. But due to the setting, I've toned my personality WAY down. The conversation is light and friendly. I'm being nice. Safe. Comfortable.

Obviously not the direction I want things to go, but it was about to get worse. I was telling another story, one that always gets a laugh: Chaperoning some kids at a charity event, trying to keep them in order, but instead I accidentally break several rules, and it is me, not the kids, who gets scolded... in the most absurd way possible.

She doesn't laugh, just a sad smile. From my brief description, she had guessed both the charity and the event. I belong to an organization that helps assist and entertain kids with terminal illnesses. Her younger brother had attended several of our events.

Yeah...

Needless to say, the conversation is now serious and mournful. She shares the story of losing her brother. Then I'm asked to explain how I became involved, which leads to my own tragic story. She is very appreciative of our organization, and admires what we did for her brother and kids like him. She says I'm "a good guy."

Post-meal, the conversation turns to family and holiday plans. Who's coming into town? Have you done all your shopping? How does your family celebrate Christmas? Comfortable, boring, predictable.

I haven't seen a single IOI since before we'd ordered food, now a full hour ago. I pay for dinner. Yep. I bought her meal. Total Beta, right? All comfort, no attraction. Too safe, too nice, too caring, too friendly, too boring. But I was not done. No, not yet.

We walk out. Very cold outside. I don't ask to escort her to the parking lot, I just do it. "This one your car?" "Yeah." With zero hesitation, I embrace and kiss her. I break off the kiss while still holding her. Her eyes are wide and she is breathing heavy. I kiss her again and her response is very enthusiastic, pressing her whole body against me. I let her go, then pull her back in for more. Two or three times, letting go of all but her hand, then bringing her back in. She says: "I want to see you again over the holidays." I laugh and kiss her one more time. "You will. Good night." "Good night." Walk off like a motherfucking boss.

Boom, motherfuckas! Salvation!

I've talked a lot about all the shit that went wrong, the mistakes, and all the rules I broke. Time to look at what I did right:

  • I had good stories. All involve having fun, often in unusual places with unexpected results.

  • I kept the conversation flowing. Even when the topics weren't pleasant or exciting, it was natural. Communication is a genuine skill and takes lots of practice.

  • Little stuff: Strong eye contact all night. Insisting she share my food and sampling hers. Handling communication with the waiter.

  • I built comfort and rapport. We shared a real and honest emotional connection. This is wonderful, and should not be overlooked. However, unless you also stimulate sexual attraction, all you're doing is recruiting a new BFF.

  • The sole reason I was able to salvage the night relates to something I've written about before: Alpha/Beta balance.

There are no Alphas or Betas. Those terms describe behaviors and traits, not people. We are all a mix of alpha and beta traits. You have to fine tune that mixture in real-time as the situation unfolds. Oftentimes the beta play is the correct play.

Approach a girl in a bookstore and you have to be steady but gentle. The fact you had the balls to make a confident approach in public is alpha. But too much will scare her off. Lead her over to the coffee shop and, while you're chatting, slowly ramp it up to 60%. Exciting and interesting, yet still within the bounds of safety. Bounce her to the bar? Crank that dial to 90%.

When we were in the restaurant I started around 50%. Early on, I did tease her and even made a tame but suggestive joke, but there was no overt displays, no bravado, and no sexuality. It was not the situation I wanted -- and it definitely did not go as planned! -- but I adapted my behavior to the circumstances as they changed. In this case, that meant increasing beta displays more and more throughout dinner. Even to the point of picking up the check.

But the minute we stepped out the door, everything changed. Outside, in the cold night, with cars zooming past us on a busy street, suddenly we were in a completely different environment. Time to let her know she was with a man. I stood tall and proud as I walked her to her car. My pace was measured and confident. When we arrived at her car, I did not wait for the right moment -- I made the moment happen.

I'm not pretending this was all some master plan. After we finished dinner, I envisioned the night ending with an awkward hug and a "let's be friends!" That mental image was so repulsive, I decided I would much rather go down in flames. I was bold when it was time to be bold.

Read and learn our rules and guides. There is much wisdom in TRP, but it is not a script. When you're in the field, use your own good judgement.

TL;DR: Unprepared, bad luck, beta, beta, beta, beta, beta, alpha, win!