CorporateLand: Promotions

The Ugly Truth

So here’s the ugly truth: Nobody has a “career” anymore. Well, some people do, but those folks went to Harvard or Stanford and then worked at GS or McKinsey or some other Third Reich-y type place, only without the conspicuous industrialized murder. They don’t need me to tell them. You can still have one in finance/banking, ofc, for now. But most people are little worker bees who drive to their 9 to 5 coffins, then go home and talk about HELOC rates with their neighbors and complain about house maintenance and immerse themselves in their kids sports teams, or booze or whatever to mask the soul-crushing pain of their existence.

The sad fact is that the corporate overlords of your cubicle farm are going to pay you just enough, and treat you just well enough to get you to stay…it’s like slavery, with extra steps. I’ve seen companies spend money on the most retarded shit…but their people? Fuck no. Why do that? There’s a lot of psychology involved. Or psychopathy. Whichever.

And don’t become obsessed with titles. “Progression” only matters if you’re going to have a career, which you aren’t.

The Not So Painful Truth

For “aware” guys, your move should be to get into CorporateLand, should you so choose, use it for benefits,1 make contacts and to build up a war chest (including retirement savings), get promoted from “Junior Assistant Shithead” to “Assistant Shithead” and then GTFO.

And don’t be afraid to move around. Why? Because you’re not going to have a career – in fact, you young guys are going to spend a fair amount of your future fighting sentient robots – so you need to look out for Numero Uno. And if you don’t move around, you will miss out on loads of cashola.

It’s different Above The Salt, ofc. The C-Suite can provide generational wealth if you do things right. But for the rest of us, we have to move on to move up. I’ve done it – and you may fairly ask, “But Uncle Vasya, haven’t you worked at the same firm for more than a decade?” Yes, I have. So why stay? First my firm is on the “Michaels Model” (or whatever; I forget what we call it) where they hire talent, overpay it, and then reap the benefits of having both talent and institutional memory. You tend to see the same problems again and again, and you’ve either solved them before or you have seen other, smarter people solve them. So I get paid substantially more by my firm than I would doing the same thing elsewhere in the industry.

Also, I have freedom, which is the real reason. Most of the time, I’m free to be where I want, at least within North American time zones (and thus, buy extension, S. American ones also, but I rarely visit.) I can be floating around in my pool after the weekly regulatory call, or grilling up some meat before the weekly sales call, and Nobody.Gives.A.Shit.2 Why? Results. I’m good at what I do and talent comes with privileges.3 But you have to be able to deliver.

That said: Never take your eyes off the prize. You should be looking at building income outside of salary, creating multiple streams, and then thickening those streams. Then enjoy your life, roaming the world at will.

Goals

A. Get experience.

B. Build a War Chest.

C. Make contacts.

D. Get Paid, In Full, moving as necessary.

E. Get gone.

Further Reading

CorporateLand: A Rat Race Survival Guide For New Rats

-Field Guide to Getting Ahead.

CorporateLand: How to Kill it in Your Job Interview

-A guy who interviews candidates tells you what he looks for in job interviews, and how not to fuck yours up.

CorporateLand: How to Handle Salary Negotiations.

-How to Get Paid.

CorporateLand: How to Ask For a Raise

-How to get paid more.

The Entire CorporateLand Series

1 Incl. travel benefits – I have been on the road about half the year and raked on points and miles, so when I took a week and a half in Europe earlier this year it cost me <$40 for hotels that entire time, and that was in local tax which cannot be paid for using points. So I got PTO and free hotels. A week and a half in Europe for the cost of a plane ticket plus food, which, depending on hotel and status, you may get free (breakfast anyway).

2 Well, a couple of people do. People who think they should automatically get whatever bennies I negotiate. Those people should focus more on not sucking at their jobs.

3 Talent also comes with limitations, but that’s a different conversation.