I believe these two points are intertwined. These two ideas are very subtle and can creep into even the strongest of minds quite easily. The two ideas are that of the “victim mentality” and the “you owe me” mentality. These two behaviors are beta at their core. They’re behaviors that illustrate dependency. They both cause you to express a “need” or validation and acceptance of others around you. And these two things are sure to lead you right back to being a beta, even after much progress.

Everyone, including you, looks at themselves as the most important person in the world. It’s so powerful, that you can sometimes deceive yourself into thinking someone close to you, such as your family or friends, owes you something.

Additionally, everyone knows themselves better than they know anyone else. You’re the coolest person you know. Since you know yourself so well, you can have the tendency to rationalize your fears, angers, and wants. You know just what to say to yourself in order to make it all better.

Point 1: Never expect others to do for you, what you have for them. Always do with the hope that the favor will be returned, but never expect it to be returned. The key word here is “expect”. It’s important to understand that your expectations have to be changed. Understand that people are in this world, working to benefit themselves, not you.

There is a key idea in persuasion and sales literature where you do something for someone in order to influence them to do for you. People may feel like they owe you as a result of you doing something. However, this doesn’t mean people will do things in return for you, influence or not. It works sometimes, and not others. The bottom line is, whenever you agree to do something for others, do it without expecting anything in return. If the favor is too much given this, then decline doing it.

Point 2: Strengthen your mental fortitude by denying yourself the ability to be a victim. Look at the weak in this world. Almost every single one of them has an agenda to create an equal and safe place for all. They use rhetoric and convincing arguments to state their points. At the end of the day, it is a display of their insecurities and inability to rise to internal and external challenges.

What can you do to combat this and not become one of these softies? You can start by listening to your thoughts. Mindfulness is an effective tool to hear what you’re telling yourself. When there is something that needs to be done, listen to what your mind says. It may tell you that you can skip the gym because you need a day off. It will tell you that this whole cold approach thing is too hard. It will tell you that you have had a rough life and that you need to take it easy. It will tell you whatever you want to hear, in order to get you to the path of least pain and resistance. But, it is these times that you must call yourself out. There is no need to judge or beat yourself up over it once you do realize you’re playing the victim. Instead, pick yourself up, and do the thing that you are supposed to. The thing your higher self truly wants. And, when you hear yourself making excuses in your mind, or to others, call yourself out. Tell yourself that you are making an excuse, and that you need to take full responsibility for yourself and everything that you do. That you are the leader of your own world, and nothing can stop you from getting after whatever it is that you want. Don’t allow yourself to play the victim.