Found this in the comments section on a twoxchromosomes post about campus rape and a police officer making statements about women drinking and yelling regret when hooking up.

Full comment below:

It isn't clear to everyone. I'm going to get flamed for what I'm about to say but I feel it needs to be said. I'll preface it with 3 things

  1. I am a woman and a feminist.
  2. I was raped at a party by two men while I was drunk.
  3. I am a mother of both a teen boy and young woman.

There's a simple phrase going around that has been directed at the men on this page it is "Don't fuck drunk people". In a perfect world it works, we don't live in a perfect world.

It is patriarchal to say that if I am out with friends drinking and I meet a man who is also out drinking and we wind up having drunken sex that one or both of us regret that he is more to blame for the act than I am. It's a modern day chastity belt, ensuring that I am not capable of making a choice, be it good or bad, concerning my vagina. It says that I need a fall back in case I carelessly "give myself" to a man. It says that I am not capable of protecting myself on an equal playing field with a man. It furthermore says that a man has the responsibility of deciding if I have sex or not. It says that I need a higher authority to protect me from myself and the bigger implication is that it makes a man's choice more important than my own, so let's padlock these theoretical iron panties around my waist I'm going out for a drink.

I'm not okay with that, I'm not okay with going out and having a drunk man held to a higher standard than I am. I'm not okay with saying that if I wake up after a night of drinking and regret that I've done something I have the option of saying that my drunken choice held any less authority than my partners drunken choice. I am not okay with society telling men and boys that they have that power over a woman's body and that they should simply "not fuck drunk people" when they themselves are drunk too. I'm not okay with telling the world that a man has a responsibility to parent my choice when we are inebriated simply because he has a penis that is penetrating me.

If I and my partner are drinking and we have sex I should have the same responsibility to him that he has to me. If we are both intoxicated at the time we had intercourse the only way fair way to say someone was raped is if we mutually raped each other. We both get to feel like shit, end of story. He doesn't get to take my share of the responsibility simply because he did the fucking. I've gone home with guys, we both took part equally in the act and I've regretted having sex with them in the morning. I've slept with men who've regretted that they've slept with me the next day as well. That's okay, I've felt a bit icky a time or two but I got over it. Some people here would say that I was raped. I don't agree. My body, my choice even when the choice was dumb. Neither of us raped anyone.

Once, I was at a party at a friends house after ending a long term relationship. I wanted to forget about it, I got wasted. I cried with my girlfriends, I passed out in a basement bedroom. I woke up to two guys getting into bed with me. I was so messed up that I couldn't say anything, I moaned trying to call attention to myself hoping someone would come in and find me. I threw up on myself, I laid there not sure of what to do. They both had sex with me, one was drunk one was sober. One of the guys had been bringing me drinks all night, telling me that my ex was an idiot, we had flirted a little. They raped me, I didn't get a choice. I couldn't protect myself and they took advantage of me. They are predators, they are rapist. The drunk guy is just as much at fault as the sober one. I am a victim. Some people didn't see it that way. I didn't press charges, I was scared and alone and just wanted it to be over.

To say that two people on equal ground can't share the penalty of choices they make together is insulting to me as a rape survivor. I make a choice to drink, I make the choice to wear whatever the hell I feel comfortable in, I make the choice to have sex at the end of the night. That's my choice not anyone else's. If me and a man both want to have sex and he tells me that I can't consent because I'm drunk and he can decide for me because he's a male, he took my choice. He took my power as a woman to have a say in my sexuality. If I am drunk and some guy who's sober offers me a ride home, get's me alone, and coerces me into sleeping with him that's rape. He took my choice too. He took away my power to decide for myself.

I'n a perfect world not fucking drunk people is a great rule that always works. We don't live in a perfect world where black and white are obvious and never the two shall merge. Our world is grey. People should not, in a perfect world, make choices that can impact their lives significantly while drinking. I shouldn't make the choice to get in a car and drive, or spend my entire paycheck on Amazon, or have "consensual" sex while I am inebriated. I can tell you I've done all three of those and in only one of those situations am I not held accountable for the repercussions of my drunken choices. That's not okay with me. I want to live in a world where my son and daughter have equal opportunity to make mistakes and when they do they have equal consequences. I want to live in a world where if my son or daughter are taken advantage of they have equal protection and are equally sympathized with by the law and their peers. That's as good as it gets in a world that's imperfect but I'll take equality over a perfect world any day.