Hey guys my first post here. About me im 31 quite redpilled normal shape decent money. I met a girl going out in november 2018. Quite liked her there she paid for her own drinks. Nice conversation . Etc We made out a littler later a little bit drunken. Got her number called her every day since that and we talked for hours. decided to visit her some time after ( she lives 2 car hours away from my house, this gets important later) Shes a waitress with totally weird working hours. Works from friday-tuesday 5am to 3 pm. She seriously bombarded me with being nice to me. Made me a housemade pizza served me wine etc. Really couldnt keep my hands to me for long lifted her up and went straight to the bedroom. Already naked reaching to my condoms, She says no , and tells me she has latex allergy and does not take the pill. But she has latex free ones. That totally fucked up the mood and my boner. I think this was the first red flag i ignored. She had a lot of those condoms in her box. I thought weird thats a huge amount of those just to be prepared. Than the anxiety of knocking her up kicked in. ( Thanks for nothing stupid mind) Just couldnt get it up any more something in my mind wouldnt let me. She j... me off instead and i lied next to her ambarassed awake the hole night. Just couldnt sleep. Drove home the morning after she made me a huuugee breakfast. Talking via telephone started again. So i found out the following things ( i totally ignored again ) Her male co workers and chefs visit her a lot. She visits her female friends almost everyday and drinks with them. She drives around a lot to visit female friends 2-3 hours driving time. I visit her again. Sex gets a little better at least i could trick my anxiety once. And because she care bombs me with food all the time i begin to really like her. Than she worked 20 minutes away from me for limited 3 weeks st a ski resort in a big ski area. ( the area we first met ) we met only once in those 3 weeks for coffee which she insisted to pay for. And those male coworkers and chefs of her main hotel visited her there too. Fucking 2 hours away im the mountains. To go out and visit her. How much can you like a female coworker you have no sexual relation with to do that. I thought to myself. I asked if i could visit her. First the hole week was full of visits than she became sick. I offered her to bring her medicine and tea, or she could stay at my place instead and i would care for her. She declined both. I visited her a few more times but it didnt get better. She even started to cancelling and rearranging,visits because some female friend would come to her. The anxiety got really bad and everytime after having sex with her i always felt really bad and hoped to not knock her up by accident. When i drove home i often thought why the fuck are you doing this. She isnt even that hot. But that caring behavior really touched me. And i couldnt understand why my subconcious mind always tried to shield me from her during sex. Our last meeting was in may. At that point she started to cancel every visit 1 or 2 days before. And i work during the week so not that easy to take so much days off. Once shes sick once a female friend visits etc. And i idiot went along with it rearranging for months. Still calling her mostly every day. But she never called me it was always me calling her. The last real visit was planned in august. i thought to myself well if it still does not work out for me this last time, ill end this shit. 2 days befor i called her and asked, hey my princess tuesday to wednesday or wednesday to tuesday. She replied, maybe never again? She told me it just happened that she met someone last week and when she didnt answer my call the wednesday before in the morning she wasnt alone in the morning. That struck me so harf. All thoughts of ending this were gone. I just thought this motherf..... went out with her when she was ovulating. (At this time i already knew her cycle ) Thats unfair. I thought. I felt robbed of that last opportunity from than on i basically started torturing myself by still calling her and trying to convince her to let me visit her. She declined and said no she couldnt do that, because we would have sex again. And she would feel guilty if she gets together with him later if she cheated in the beginning. Another day she says of course she wants to see me but not a day before the other one visits her she cant do that. One day that she doesnt know if she even likes the other guy. This just made me hope there would still be something. She did that to me for over a month. Said we wont meet in September, but in october for sure and then well see if i sleep in bed or on the couch than. Well yesterday i asked her when will we meet in october now. First she said you will have to sleep at the couch. Than suddenly she doesnt want me to sleep over, because she has to tell him. But we could meet in a town half sn out away from her place to eat and go for a walk. I declined and said i really want to visit you at your place. It ended in i should explain why going for coffee is not enough for me. Which i didnt. But we agreed on meeting in 2 weeks but not how and where. Than she hang up on me. I wrote her i would like to tell her why i wanted to visit her at her place. ( basically i totally fell for her caring being when i was with her, and i would have driven to her just for that, and i had some very emotional things to say but didnt wanna do that in public.) She offered to call me today with a kiss smiley. Well that call never came. I would really appreciate your opinion on those situations. And where i fucked up and why. My clue is i should have told her to f... off when she cancelled on me all the time. Especially for a red piller like me this is double the pain because i should have known better. Sorry for the wall of text and bad english i am not an native speaker