Virginity is like a trophy.

hopefulalbatross · 2019-09-22T18:44:55+00:00

I was a virgin until 23 and felt the same way. In my case it was to feel less “weird” about my sexuality. Around that age it starts becoming “weird” to be a virgin unless you’re holding onto it for religious purposes. After college, most men i found became afraid of it because they assume you’ll become very attached/on the marriage track.

I think you should feel how you feel. I don’t necessarily agree and i don’t personally think it makes you more valuable but i think you have every right to feel like it makes you better. Go after what you want and design your life as such.

I know it sounds cliche but majority of women do not marry or stay in a relationship with their first whether they lose their virginity at 16 or 26. As a woman I don’t know if we can be tainted. I think we give life, purify, and make good of a lot of bad things in this world.

champangemami18 · 2019-09-22T19:58:47+00:00

Honestly, I recently had sex with someone I had been talking to for a while. And while he was such a nice guy and a gentleman, I had wished I wouldn’t have. For years I felt the same exact way as you. The idea of losing my virginity was actually very unappealing to me. I had fears of being used for it, of being another conquest for men. I think it also had something to do with me being touched when I was younger. To feel a sense of control maybe? It all made sense to me at the time, lol.

So I do understand what you mean for sure. And I honestly wish I still had it instead of rushing myself.

jayval90 · 2019-09-22T19:30:37+00:00

I come from a traditional upbringing and have maintained my virginity for 29 years (I've been focused too much on my career, plus I'm very shy and risk-averse due to my older sisters' experiences losing their virginities fairly young and the hell that lifestyle has raised in their lives long-term). I would not recommend keeping virginity that long. The point of virginity isn't to keep it as a trophy, but instead to view sex as a sealer for pair-bonding. The point is to get on with it, and pair-bond before sealing it. Not for it to be considered something valuable on its own and used as a bargaining chip, holding out for an extremely long time till other considerations outweigh it.

I would be willing to consider someone who has had sex once or twice, never in the context of an LTR, over a virgin who holds her nose up at people and clearly has a complex about her. And I am extremely traditional. An unresolved LTR (especially if there's multiple) is a gigantic red flag whether or not there was sex involved, though the sex certainly makes it far worse.

I guess the point is that virginity is only one of a whole host of things that LTR-minded guys will look at. Sure you're a virgin, but you can still be a bitchy virgin. Don't make it worth the risk of a non-virgin to avoid you.

schielegirl · 2019-09-22T19:36:28+00:00

trust me. i havent had sex in 2.5 years. you can get your virginity back. lol *crying laughing face*

but no. no pressure to have sex ever. if you give it up they'll stop chasing. that being said, if a man is giving a lot, it is appropriate to reward him in a way that is congruent with his desires. whatever way you think that is thats fine. make sure he feels desired, wanted, masculine, and sexually desirable, even if you are not going to have sex any time soon. talking WAY down the line here after they've invested a lot of time, energy, money, and you feel ready and want to. keep sex for the ring if thats you're thing.

MissNietzsche · 2019-09-22T18:37:05+00:00

You should do whatever you feel is best for you, but it is pretty crappy to look down on other people for their decisions. Like, I'm not looking down on you for being a virgin, so it would be nice if you didn't look down on me for having a lot of sexual partners.

And the whole pair-bonding thing is silly. Of course I can still pair-bond. I'm super bonded to my husband. Having sex with a bunch of dudes didn't change that. Consensual sex doesn't have some huge effect on a person's psyche. Except I guess that sex with my husband seems so much better by comparison, because I never had such a strong emotional attachment to any of my other partners. So I know what casual sex is like and I know that sex in a committed relationship is a lot better.

Anyhow, you don't need to overcome your hesitation. If you want to remain a virgin, then do it. It's not affecting your sex life negatively if it is the right choice for you. There are pros and cons to having sex. If you feel in your gut that having sex isn;t the right choice for you, then more power to you. Lose your virginity when you are ready.

Rejoice7 · 2019-09-22T18:09:25+00:00

Good for you - value yourself. At your age I would not have sex until you are living together or very close. # of sex partners is very important to high value men interested in marriage. Once that # goes over 3 or 4, women start to all look the same to high value men.

Dont look down on people, just be confident in yourself and your value.

Sex is nice but it isnt the purpose of life or relationships. Sex is ultimately about intimate communication between two people. It isnt special if everyone knows your language. Society will disagree but it’s up to you.

blimpette · 2019-09-23T01:39:26+00:00

Yes, I feel this way. I don’t think it’s unhealthy necessarily. I’m still a virgin for religious/spiritual reasons.

linkinway · 2019-09-23T17:58:53+00:00

I already made this post as a reply comment, so just making it again as direct comment.

in my personal opinion I think sex is alright before marriage (if it be only in serious LTR and not hookups or casual sex), and I personally take this way. In fact Jordan Peterson has also stated that hookups and casual relationships is very degratory for our generation.

However coming back to "virginity until marriage", in general there are some great benefits to maintaining virginity until marriage.

I am inciting a few points from this study - http://before-i-do.org/

Our first major conclusion challenges what we’ll call the Vegas Fallacy—the idea that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Actually, what people do before marriage appears to matter.

Do premarital sexual relationships relate to later marital quality? Yes and no. It depends on who you are having sex with. Men and women who only slept with their (future) spouse prior to marriage reported higher marital quality than those who had other sexual partners as well. Further, for women, having had fewer sexual partners before marriage was also related to higher marital quality. This doesn’t mean that sex before marriage will doom a marriage, but sex with many different partners may be risky if you’re looking for a high-quality marriage.

And, if you are interested to know why the hookup culture is so degratory; Read this - https://verilymag.com/2016/02/hookup-culture-sex-feminism-sexual-freedom

just wanted to state the facts on virginity that it is NOT some religious thing and rather has great value to bring to the relationship. Our religions are more scientific than you can ever think them of to be, the tradiotnalists just knew it better.

So if you want to go ahead with it don't think it's just religious, there is actually more science into it. And, if not, it's still alright because it can't be said with certainty when you would get married and also relationships do defintely work better with sexual relations, just don't make the mistake of going for casual sex (which is very tempting).

bel_esprit_ · 2019-09-22T19:53:33+00:00

The high value man I am currently engaged to dated a virgin before me. Once he found out this information he lost all desire for her and discontinued the relationship bc he felt she would become clingy and attached to him once they had sex.

He preferred a woman with some experience bc confidence (that only comes with experience) is incredibly fun and sexy in the bedroom. Men love this bc it makes them feel good and inspires them during sex, and it honestly isn’t something a virgin can provide.

Also, having a few partners does not affect your ability to pair bond. I’d go a bit further and say having several partners (under 10) doesn’t affect your ability to pair bond. A good match is a good match, if you have good chemistry and are sexually compatible. You only learn this once you have been with a few.

Now, if you’re religious, then you have other obligations, virginity wise. You just have to hope you get lucky with a sexually compatible husband if you’re waiting until marriage.

I’m not advocating sluttiness, but virginity is absolutely NOT a trophy (unless you are Christian/Mormon/Muslim/religious).

A trophy is a woman who is loving, fun, and confident in the bedroom (sexually compatible + all the other things that make a good woman). My fiancé, a non religious man and easily in the top 1% of men, proved just that when he dropped the virgin he dated before me for that exact reason. Said “she was a nice girl, but the virginity thing is weird.”

vintagegirlgame · 2019-09-22T21:47:37+00:00

I’d say save it for love. Make sure you push past the infatuation (lust) phase, wait until you develop a deep emotional love and pair bonding.

I’m still amazed at the amount of mid-to-late twentysomething women these days (several of my friends) who say they have never been in love. In most cases, they’ve said “I love you” to a man, but a little more questioning reveals they have felt love for someone but not been IN LOVE.

It seems very odd to me (I have a big open heart when it comes to relationships), but I would hypothesize that these women don’t yet know how to love themselves fully. I believe you can only love someone else as much as you love yourself (talking about healthy self love here, not narcissism). And I see a lot of women struggling to love themselves for who they are, expecting a man to come and fill that hole for them.

Kingzumar · 2019-09-22T21:23:04+00:00

Respect, keep it for as long as possible or for the right guy

MathGirl17 · 2019-09-22T22:21:52+00:00

I’m a Christian, 29 years old and a virgin. I live a happy life working and spending time with family. I do not have a bf or any kids obviously but I’m okay with that. I believe that if God wants me to be married then I’ll meet a good man who will wait till we are married. If I don’t, then I’m not too worried about it. Since I’ve never had sex it’s not something I crave.

I am proud to be a virgin because it’s hard to be one. When I was a teen I really wanted to not be one. Lol. But it’s not kind to judge others for not being one. Just remember we each have some good and bad things about us. I consider my virginity a good thing but I definitely have some bad things about myself. Good for you girl for waiting! I have seen the pain and heartbreak premarital sex causes some women and even some men. It’s not a bad idea to be extra careful.

RPWthrowaway7 · 2019-09-22T18:16:54+00:00

Some people here might tell you to wait for marriage but honestly I don’t think that’s a good idea unless you are religious or something and only go for men with the same beliefs. I think sexual compatibility is a really important part of a serious relationship, and I personally wouldn’t get married to someone who I wasn’t compatible with. Not saying you need to test that out right away in a relationship, but I also don’t think that it “taints” you to have sex with a person you love.

Personally I waited a really long time to lose my virginity (early 20s) and I don’t regret it, but I don’t think it was “worth” it either. If I had met someone I really liked at 19 then I would have lost it then. I mostly waited so long because I wasn’t open to being so vulnerable with someone, but I realize now that it wasn’t as big of a deal as I thought it would be.

I think it’s women who have a lot of casual sex that have less ability to pair bond. But it could also be that those people naturally weren’t going to pair bond easily, anyway. For some women, sex is not a big deal, and for others (I’d say most women), it is. I think the main thing is you just need to find someone you trust.

Also, I wouldn’t look down on people for having different beliefs than you, as long as they’re being safe and smart about it. That’s just how most relationships work these days, unless you live in a very traditional country.

Maarko · 2019-09-22T23:52:03+00:00

Things have the value you give them. Do what you feel. Be yourself 100%

Jacquibe · 2019-09-23T03:50:22+00:00

I was one until much later in life. I dont even like to admit that even though it was totally my choice. I even ended up lying (or not telling the whole truth) to my first serious bf about this cuz i was so ashamed about how virginal I was even though he ended up being the man who taught me about the red pill and would have appreciated my ‘trophy’. Now i am married and j wish i waited even though i married a little later in life. Once i did have sex- since i was an adult i definitely felt sexualized and different and was SO happy I waited ‘so long’. And i honestly feel bad for girls who have sex so young and just see it as fun or meaningless. Do not care what people say or think. Even though sex can be a beautiful and fun thing between two people- your trophy is worth it and 19 is still quite young. I say enjoy life without the pressures of society - ya you may get shamed but you know you have your trophy. Wait for truly the right person- or wait until marriage! I support you and really wish more girls wouldnt give it up so fast. Im really glad I didnt.

Tishkaminx · 2019-09-22T21:01:22+00:00

The research that is always quoted with regards tp the pair-bond thing describes how women with more partners have instigated a higher number of divorces. The pair bond thing is speculation as to causation.

I think its more realistic to conclude that exposure to a higher number of men allows women to realise exactly what they want from a relationship and know that they ate capable of aytracting multiple men- which means she is less likely to stay in a relationship that is not healthy or right for her, which is a good thing.

MatSapientia · 2019-09-22T22:41:52+00:00

I’m a 30y/o man. Religious, redpilled, kept it in my pants.

People around me don’t believe me especially that they see how girls are interested, and I can game well.

It’s hard sometimes, having the ability to get top tier women but hold back because I’d rather keep to my code.

T levels sometimes skyrocket after heavy lifting , I feel it burning in my blood. I notice my brain suppressing the ideas of chastity, and gives me numerous thoughts how to get one of the coworkers who hit on me every while.

I won’t marry a non-virgin.

I’d be mocked and ridiculed in TRP men, couldn’t care less.

You have my respect young lady.

Septimberfirstrealty · 2019-09-22T20:30:00+00:00

Smart girl you are. Keep as long as you can. Only give it away in marriage and even then you can never be sure. Stay focused on school. You are not over thinking, you are correct. It’s the most precious thing and no one deserves it. One day you will loose it but be in no rush.

shitposterkatakuri · 2019-09-23T01:28:43+00:00

Yeah you’re on the money. Any guy who is worth submitting to and loving deeply will appreciate winning your trophy and keeping it permanently. Easy girls are a dime a dozen. Be protective of it. Be proud of it. Find a good guy before you let it go because it can’t ever, ever come back.

doublericecake · 2019-09-22T21:24:11+00:00

I was actually curious, you mentioned you read of women psyche being impacted from having multiple partners, and its difficulty of building bonds after such. Would you care to share references? I have no idea if that's true, but was wondering if sources were legit

kspinner · 2019-09-22T21:48:38+00:00

I had the same attitude and was saving my virginity. At age 22, I ended up losing my virginity nonconsensually to someone I consensually went home with when drunk (to fool around and not have sex, turns out he had other ideas), and I did a lot of things that I wouldn't normally have done in the subsequent months because I felt so worthless. I'm not sure what I would tell myself if I could go back in time and give myself advice, but it isn't a healthy attitude. I have bonded well with the guy I am currently with, who happens to be someone I knew, liked, and kissed before this happened, so I don't know what that does or doesn't say about the psychological effects... But I think getting down on myself for letting this happen and being so obsessed with my virginity in the first place hurt me more than the actual effects of the number of men I slept with in the subsequent months. I also don't feel judgmental towards people based on their "number"...

I don't think there is any harm in feeling "hesitant" to lose your virginity. I'm curious-- You say "even if I'm with an amazing person that I can certainly see myself marrying and having a secure future with I hesitate"-- are you with this amazing person? I will never get this chance, so I don't know, but I feel like perhaps there will be a point when you really want to join together with someone in this way and know it will be the right decision. Or if you still feel insecure and don't want to risk the chance of losing your virginity to someone who will not be your lifetime partner, you can always wait until engagement or marriage. Just do what is best for you. I understand, though. I couldn't imagine myself making the decision to have sex for the first time, and if I had, I would have probably felt very guilty and worried I just devalued myself, etc. Just do your best to go easy on yourself and others as well. Good luck out there...

WatchingOrvilleNow · 2019-09-23T13:19:00+00:00

It is well within your right to wait. However, be careful of the ones who prey upon your virginity or want you solely to "take it" or of you holding it to high esteem for several reasons:

Once that person has their 60 seconds of "taking it" what then?
If you deem your virginity to be the best thing about you, what does that say about the rest of you if that is all you have to offer the world?
If you want to wait to be with the right person, careful that they want you for the rest of you and not because you are a virgin. Otherwise, they may be "done" with you after your first night together.

Do what feels right to you, but don't place so much value on virginity that you feel lost when it is gone. Develop yourself and do things that make you feek worthwhile and valuable to yourself.

bnbeanie · 2019-09-24T16:27:57+00:00

I feel exactly the same way as you! I’m also 19F and a virgin. I’ll soon be a 20 yo virgin haha. Anyways, never feel pressured to give it up—if a man says anything besides “take your time,” RED FLAG. I value personality and compatibility, and you can still do a ton of stuff without penetration. I just got into a new relationship (after another one of 1.5 yrs), and I can honestly say that I’m so happy that I’m still a virgin. It’s something unique in this day and age, even though I’m not religious. :)

yinonline · 2019-09-24T18:48:22+00:00

Your virginity is not a problem, but your attitude is. Any looking down on others is a reflex done out of a LACK of deep, secure, rich source of genuine confidence, and out of a lack of empathy.

If others' mistakes (or what you perceive as mistakes) give you glee, confidence and satisfaction, you're on the wrong path and in a wrong head space. Comparing ourselves is a natural reflex, but dwelling on it (no matter if we're losing, or winning), will only create misery for all.

I'm a virgin too. I'm 25. I kept it because I'm a very (admittedly: abnormally) sensitive (not unstable, just vulnerable) girl and I react intensely (mostly happily) to every touch from all people, let alone a lover. I also need a great connection to allow people close. This makes my relationships a slow burn, bonds deep, breaks very painful, and sex something I can't possibly do without feeling safe, committed to, and deeply loved. I KNOW I would start bawling my eyes out mid way trough, or right after, if I didn't have this security before doing it. It might even be sad and traumatic. At best it would numb me to my own feelings. So since I never had this deep love, I never had sex either.

But I don't think this makes me better than another girl. I know some guys might chase me because I'm a virgin (which can feel good), others might reject me for it... But either way, it's just who I genuinely am, and what I must work with. It's just me, for better and worse.

I get you, comparing yourself, or others doing it 4 u, can inflate your head. Just do your best to face this, and put your ego in check. Feeling how you feel now is perfectly human, but it's not a good thing. It can put you on the wrong track, among the wrong people, and with the wrong person.

Reflect on yourself alone.

Graizur · 2019-09-22T19:29:19+00:00

Better get armed via a proxy like a brother or other close relative. If you're going to guard something guard something.

sefully · 2019-09-22T18:21:08+00:00

sadly have developed a habit of looking down on people (both male and female) who have had sex with a lot of different partners

Why is that sad? Loose whores of both genders should indeed be looked down on.

crazyjabari · 2019-09-23T02:32:17+00:00

I’m a 27M who’s been browsing this subreddit for a month now. I just want to say that I’m actually glad women like you exist. I’m not “sucking up” or “white-knighting”. Honestly, I’ve definitely leaned toward MGTOW and it’s probably been a result of seeing how men and women are at my age and just seeing our entire culture go down the drain. I think our Boomer and Gen-X parents, for the most part, don’t understand the nuances of dating and relationships now.

All of this to say that I respect women that know that their virginity is precious and not something to be wasted on someone you’re going to hate in the future anyway. Keep it up!

hudry77 · 2019-09-22T20:08:09+00:00

There are two comments that come to mind 1) Don't you actually want to experience sexual pleasure? Is it something that you perceive as dirty? Do you at all have interest in having a lover and exploring that about yourself? 2) Having consensual sex before you get married won't hamper your ability to pair bond. I've had sex with plenty of people and still manage to have happy, fulfilling relationships and am getting married now to a high value man. I am yet to meet one of these mythical women...if anything I've met plenty of man 'sluts' who can't pair bond, so in my experience it's been the male N number that matters more than a woman's!

evendree72 · 2019-09-23T03:37:54+00:00

I was a virgin until 22 I never felt it was anything special, I felt religion puts too many constraints on virginity and makes it out to be something that is sacred. I feel if you are with the right person at the right time it should be a natural want and progression.

Sex is not something to be shameful of, and my family raised me to be shameful of it. I feel bad because my husband wants me to be more aggressive or more touchy with him, but for me it was pure shame growing up. I wish I had dated more and been more adventurous before settling down.

It never added value to my self when I lost it. And the person I lost it to would in all honesty, I deeply regret. He was a coworker and I was basically pushed into it and even though I was game for messing around I said no repeatedly to sex, but my no didnt mean as much to him. I dated him for 6 months, and it was a learning experience, and I learned what I liked and didnt. Which if I had waited till marriage I would be very unhappy.

Nrmn90 · 2019-09-23T09:48:37+00:00

Feeling like you're a trophy because you're virgin and looking down on people who have had sex is really sad and I say this as someone who was a virgin for far longer than you have been.

Title	Virginity is like a trophy.
Author	doublericecake
Upvotes	69
Comments	63
Date	September 22, 2019 5:52 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/d7twa2/virginity_is_like_a_trophy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/virginity-is-like-a-trophy.288023 https://theredarchive.com/post/288023