Learning to speak less, and observe more to build attraction

Most people in new social situations feel an obligation to keep speaking, even if it’s clear silence would be better. Taking a step back to observe social interactions will make your game much stronger than the guy who vomits words everywhere.

Starting out

In almost all social situations involving a sexual dynamic, men overshare. They brag about anything they think will impress a woman. In interviews, men tend to ramble on about logical reasons they’re qualified. In these situations, the less you say, the better. It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality. Think of the times you’ve been impressed by conversation- these wordsmiths just know what to say. It’s not drawn out. It’s concise and makes you think.

People who say less, but say impactful things, come off as genuine and intelligent. This is incredibly intoxicating for women, and generates interest from men. One of the ways I honed in for daygaming and improving my conversational skills was sitting in coffee shops and just observing. I watched dates that went well, and dates that went up in flames.

The common theme to the dates that went well was the way in which the men would engage their dates. They all had laid back demeanors, open body language, and weren’t saying rehearsed lines or themes. They opened with a few probing questions: ”I noticed you have a dog shaped keychain, are animals your passion?” *”You’re in great shape, do you lead fitness classes?” ”I’ve always gone with a black coffee. Where should I start with cappuccinos?”

The reason these openers generated success was the fact that it engaged discussion that required thought right off the bat. There was no hidden agenda. Just a curious thought provoking observation. Most guys mess up by using the court jester approach. They use some rehearsed gimmick. The dynamic of the jester approach is reactionary. The jester is looking for instant validation to their routine. They base their entire conversation off of this validation. This prevents the jester from ever really leading the conversation anywhere. It also leads to the jester over-sharing and giving up too much too soon in order to keep his routine going.

Why the simple openers led to a better conversation dynamic

Take for example the openers I listed above. A girl might respond that yes, they love animals. They’ve always loved being in shelters, ect. While they’re sharing all of this, they’re giving you easy ways to keep the conversation flowing without saying much. For example, one might say *”where do you see this passion going?” When the woman finishes up answering the probing question. Again, they’ll continue sharing. And again, all you need to do is use a simple little conversational bridge to keep things flowing while observing.

Should the script flip, answering with short but direct responses is your best way to keep things in your control. Should they ask you probing questions, such as what’s your passion, keep it brief. It’s not so much what you say here, it’s how you say it. For me, I might say “I love rock climbing,” while holding eye contact and imagining myself fucking her. Guaranteed tingle bomb.

Purposeful silences are a great tool

You don’t need to spit out a response right away. Take a second, hold eye contact until she breaks it, then say something. Your non verbal communication is a lot more important when building attraction.

Watch stand-up comics who kill it

Improvisation is the duct tape of conversational skill. Stand up comics are masters of this. Watch any good routine, and you’ll see how adept they are at switching and adapting at the drop of a hat.

You need to practice

Observe for a while first, like I did, then go practice. Conversation is a skill like anything else. The more you use it, the better you get.