Turned 31 few minutes ago; no cake for me, just the pill (rant)

Dark-Ulfberht · 2015-02-09T14:15:29+00:00

I'll tell you something I've come to believe that even most people in TRP will reject. As a man, you will never have unconditional friendship. Ever.

Your friends will always be a result of things you do. If you share an interest with others, they may become your friends. If you work with others, they may become your friends. The instant you are no longer part of the system that brought you together, do not expect them to come "check on you" or help you.

This is not a sign that these people are evil, or even neglectful. In a strange way, it is actually a sign of respect. You are a man; you are expected to be able to handle your own problems.

With that in mind, let me draw your attention to this phrase:

I'm just so sick and tired of being there for everyone and no one being there for me.

What does the phrase "be there for you" mean? I hear people, often women, use this all the time.

If you have a problem, how is the presence of someone, in and of itself, going to help? Are you in need of assistance moving, or some other task that requires multiple hands to complete? It seems likely that this is not the case.

What you seem to want is someone with whom to share misery. This is part of the red pill: as a man, no one wants to share your misery. Remember again that this isn't a sign that people don't care about you; it's that they default to the position that you are self-reliant, or at least should be. This isn't a bad thing.

Ijstwnt · 2015-02-09T06:36:30+00:00

Read no more mr nice guy. There will be parts that resonate with you.

GhostOfAladdin · 2015-02-09T06:02:55+00:00

Youre on the right path man.

FunAndFreedom · 2015-02-09T06:21:13+00:00

It's better to have no friends than to have shallow friends. My advice is radio silence on anyone who doesn't assist you in meeting your goals.

But congrats on your freedom at 31.

reddishman · 2015-02-09T06:27:04+00:00

You are a typical nice guy. Next time don't be ashamed of reminding people that you have helped in the past and ask for some reciprocity back.

Edit: make up some reason why your car broke down as ask one of your friend to pick you up or ask someone to do your shopping. Just get in the habit of getting your shit done through other people even if you can perfectly do it yourself.

And stop helping people who are not asking for you help.

TheReason13 · 2015-02-09T11:47:52+00:00

I was in your shoes, a little worse off though. I was homeless, all the "friends" I had vanished and my family kicked me out after all I had done for them. I suppose I was a liability.

I started rebuilding, hatred and anger fueled me, and then I found TRP. TRP helped me to realize that it was in fact my fault, I allowed myself to be a doormat, people used me and had no remorse when I had nothing left to give, because naturally, instinctively, nobody respects a nice guy.

I've turned my life around, and I've done it alone, out of hatred and anger towards those who turned their backs in my time of need. I didn't know it at the time but my focus on achieving independence from these people without help put me through an almost 2 month period where I unknowingly went monk mode, which lasted another 6 months or so after I discovered TRP.

There is a saying: only a fool expects a bull not to gore him because he is a vegetarian. If you are nice to people, there is no guarantee or obligation for people to be nice to you. Live your life for yourself, not for others.

DocTomoe · 2015-02-09T08:02:35+00:00

First, happy birthday. No cake for you? Go out and buy some. Better: Go out and buy some raw meat, then pepper yourself up the epic steak you deserve.

The 30s are - so far - the best decade for me, and I have heard similar notions from my friends.. It's not the end of the world, it's the beginning, the time you realize you are no longer a boy, but a man. You have started to act like one already, good for you!

Have an interesting journey, and learn from past mistakes.

trp_angry_dwarf · 2015-02-09T06:18:31+00:00

Hee hee. Yeah... Been there too. Best thing I ever did was move and start fresh.

Athrilliseek · 2015-02-09T06:10:47+00:00

Happy Birthday! We live and learn brother, we live and learn.

redpillbanana · 2015-02-09T06:13:34+00:00

While it is sad to hear your story, I'm personally happy that you've woken up and seen the truth, and this can only lead to better things in your life from here on out.

One thing to realize is that true friends are rare. There was a quote I remember hearing that went something like: you can judge the strength of a friendship by the size of the favor you're willing to ask for.

The Ben Franklin Effect is very relevant to your past life and worth a read in general.

Omn1c1d3 · 2015-02-09T06:46:47+00:00

Look into monk mode.

You can then limit your social interactions to ones that help you build connections and practice communication.

fuck_da_haes · 2015-02-09T11:15:32+00:00

Happy Birthday, join a kickbox/thaibox club.

fordmarkII · 2015-02-09T08:42:56+00:00

I was quite like this last year. During Dec/Jan break, I said "fuck this, I'm out". I've been building myself up from scratch and it's been damn fun.

Fuck people, you have to deal with yourself and sort your life out.

plasticslug · 2015-02-09T14:09:34+00:00

I don't have any real friends: The old me used to be there for everyone/anyone who needed my support or help. I'd go out of my way to help them any way I could; a lot of times without even them asking for it.

This was a big lesson I learned this past year. Returning back to college I was Mr. Helpevery fucking one. I put my self literally up to the lowest bidder and I would literally get nothing in return for all my time wasted. Especially from the ladies.

At first I was mad at them, poisoned by their abilities to take advantage of me and actually quite butt hurt.... Then I realized there was no one to blame but myself.. I offered my services and they happily took as much as they could from me.

This semester I have offered to helped no one, and people ask me for help I simply tell them I dont have the time and more importantly I ask "whats in it for me?" if they cant offer a quote that's better than my loss I simply tell them, "no" I am not available.

So far it has changed my life and you suddenly realize those who you helped so often are not in your life in the slightest sense.

Good luck to you, be selfish, focus on you and keep strong.

[deleted] · 2015-02-09T14:28:10+00:00

First off all welcome to the 31 club. I've been 31 for six months, and really learned alot about myself in the last year or so.

Things I've realized that helped me internalize the TRP easier

You are alone in this world There are no real support groups for us men; we are expected to deal with our problems and stop whining. I used to be scared that this is the case; but now I find it truly liberating. Rather than spend weekends at the bar or house party, I work on becoming a better person. When I do want to go out, I take the initiative to make plans the friends I do have left to go out and meet people and socialize. I went to Europe by myself and met dozens of amazing friends.

I don't think you should change who you are, if it feels good to help someone; go do it. Just don't expect the same behavior to be reciprocated especially not women.

The difference is you should offer help from a position of strength and not be carpet for others to walk on. I've lent friends money in the time of need, but I made sure they paid it back on-time. I've driven co-workers to work and home, even though I don't expect anything in return I make sure they acknowledged it.

Don't be afraid to discard friends I've realized that most girls I was 'friends' with, weren't really friends at all. But chicks I want to hook up with or acquaintances. Same with most of my Exes friends, they weren't really friends with me (nor to her either). So I dumped the vast majority of my women 'friends'. The ones I slept with, I'm not even friends with.

Male friends too, the guy who you helped move but never bother to call when you needed help? Delete him off your phone and social media.

NickCiufi · 2015-02-09T15:02:41+00:00

Just commenting to wish you a happy birthday, brother.

[deleted] · 2015-02-10T06:40:52+00:00

I turned 41 last month; married 18 years. Most of those years were unhappy. As of 6 months ago I swallowed the RP. We are happier now and the key change was my enlightenment. Our house needed a strong male leader and I was too steeped in political correctness to understand that.

My job is going better, my kids are happier and more responsible, and people treat me with greater respect. The key change -

taking charge of my life.

How I wish that these lessons reached me 10 years ago. There is probably some 51 YO man thinking the same thing when reading my posts. Perhaps there is also a 21 YO who stumbles on to this thread and becomes inspired by your story and saves yet another 10 years.

Reading through the comments, it appears that you went through marriage and divorce without kids. Congratulations, you dodged a major bullet and heartache.

So go out and celebrate your birthday with a new-found enthusiasm! You are awake for the 1st time! Think of it as a rebirth of sorts. Bask in the knowledge that you are one of a very few men who get to know and act on truth. I firmly believe that the most accomplished men know these lessons. Should you choose to act on your new-found lessons, the probability is high that you too will walk a path of greatness.

Happy birthday!

Okikii · 2015-02-09T11:49:10+00:00

Been there as well. Congrats for taking the right path.

As Manu Tupou said "You walk alone". You born alone and you will die alone. It's very powerful quote if it is understood right.

IanIronwood · 2015-02-09T13:23:02+00:00

Time for a Road Trip.

If your "friends" aren't responsive, make new ones. Get in the car, drive three hours in any direction, and have a few adventures with people who don't know you and have no history with you. Hell, use a nickname you like but no one calls you. Just change your venue, re-initialize, and plunge forward.

Happy birthday, man. It's my daughter's birthday, too. You're just starting to get your second wind.

JooGhitSew · 2015-02-09T13:50:14+00:00

Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life

Hennez · 2015-02-09T14:06:19+00:00

I can relate a lot with your post. I used to be like that. It sucked almost all of the time.

Recently I turned 28, it's been almost a year after moving from my home country, new city, new job, new people. But given that I took this change as a way to get to know myself better I've almost made no friends outside my house and work. This January I turned 28 and thought: I used to be internally sad all the time and never really celebrate my birthdays, so I went to the store and bought myself a nice cake and some beers, I let everyone I know here know that I was gonna celebrate and they even called some friends and we had a good night, it wasn't the biggest party but I had a good time.

What I learned and understood these past months is that being oneself and trying to make the most out of our lives is what makes you respect yourself and others too. Hell, life isn't easy, it's not fair but we are still here going forward. Keep pushing man, take as much time with yourself as you see fit and when it's done, go out and take the world for yourself.

HeinousFu_kery · 2015-02-09T14:28:11+00:00

Do exactly that - it's the first step to being unique.

I wound up in the same place in my mid-40s and made the decision to go out and get a life and not be limited by other people's expectations and ridiculous mindsets.

You'll spend a few lonely moments but the tradeoff is that you've sloughed off the detritus of parasitic people and lockstep conformity, and will have some truly amazing times and experiences. When you and your real friends - you'll have them in time - are telling tall tales about their lives, yours won't be fiction.

CanFirst · 2015-02-09T15:23:52+00:00

"I just ended up becoming someone they didn't take seriously (looking back), someone who was in idiot and always there for everyone. I herniated a disc and was in bed for 3 weeks, no one even called to check up on me, not even a fucking SMS or IM."

Congrats on realizing this and working through it, i would caution not to be bitter about it. Understand that for many people they are just focused on their own stuff to the exclusion of everything else, not great friend material but not something that you should be upset about, just take it for what it is.

Glenbert · 2015-02-09T15:38:24+00:00

When I got separated from my wife, none of my friends called me. I actually had to plan a few Friday nights for all of us so I would have some company and I wouldn't be lonely.

It's not uncommon. Most guys think that other guys want to suffer alone. Most guys don't like to be around sad bastards. But IME they will help you out if you make it clear that you want it.

Sorry, you're not a woman, so you'll just have to suck it up and take the initiative. I know it's hard. I've been there.

Oh, and when you're out with them, be funny, be self-deprecating. Make your misery into something fun.

[deleted] · 2015-02-09T16:24:25+00:00

Hit the gym man. It's my sanctuary. I always tell myself, "No matter what bullshit is going on, 225 is always 225." Keep learning and striving to put yourself first. I am also a pleaser and it really only hurts you in the end. Do you, and be awesome. It will only get better.

kick6 · 2015-02-09T17:28:52+00:00

The anger phase is part of it. Take care of yourself first, and make sure your friends ask. And when they do: your goto response should always be "what's in it for me?" Why provide value into the universe for zero return? It's exhuasting.

redzorp · 2015-02-09T18:15:38+00:00

Quite unfortunate that your 'friends' were not there for you.

But don't completely give up on being a nice guy to friends in need. Just choose your friends much more carefully and only give help to those that deserve it.

I've had similar experiences to you. Instead of going cold turkey on being nice, I just learned to judge people better and only lend my goodwill to those who truly deserve it. And I am happy to report that whenever I am down, those same friends are there for me - to an even greater extent (so far) than I have been there for them. Friends like that are GOLD. On the other hand, the types you describe are crud and should be politely discarded from your life.

You don't want to be self-sacrificing with every friend, colleague or acquaintance. But you should be that way for a tiny handful of close friends and family who truly deserve it.

Believe it or not, some good deeds are actually rewarded!

bama79rolltide · 2015-02-09T19:16:40+00:00

Hey bud, I am 36 today also. Happy Birthday to us! Want some advice to getting life about YOU for once?

Check out this post: http://illimitablemen.com/2014/04/13/monk-mode/

[deleted] · 2015-02-09T19:37:55+00:00

This reminds me: at the end of high school, one of my really good buddies came up and said "hey man, we haven't hung out in a couple years, why haven't you called?"

"When have I ever called? I don't call anybody dude. Honestly never have."

I sit in my room and read or am out enjoying hobbies. I have a ton of friends, but if I don't get a text for Friday night, I'm not chasing them down. I have shit to do.

treandogexxx · 2015-02-09T19:49:38+00:00

Good Luck on your self improvement journey, The Red Pill can give you a lot of advice. On a side note, while you were a nice guy^TM you might also just be a nice person. I do nice things for my friends when I can too, Red Pill has nothing against that. Just don't expect sex, friendship, money or anything else in return. If people didn't notice you would you still do nice things?

[deleted] · 2015-02-09T20:06:43+00:00

If you meet a good person with a good heart stick with them. There aren't many.

[deleted] · 2015-02-09T20:56:00+00:00

It's amazing how powerful "no" can be.

I've been in some of your situation (I'm only 25, not married) but in the past I used to go out of my way to be helpful because I thought that's what friendship meant. I fortunately realized before I finished college what the difference really was and started focusing on investing in the people I knew I would be talking to in 5 or 10 years, regardless of where they happened to be.

The only thing that hasn't really worked out for me with this is that 90% of those people moved out of state lol.

Part of realizing this was spending time working on myself. That was when I spent the most time in the gym, on my bike, reading, practicing music, etc. I was so tired of reaching out to people and it was nice, for the most part, to see who would reach out to me to invite met to dinner or this and such thing. I didn't always go, but the thought was nice and helped me figure things out. Screw everyone else.

red_gerb · 2015-02-09T23:41:12+00:00

Take the emotion and channel it into action. Harness it. While a birthday is a good milestone, after a while they just click-on and-on like a road-trip. At some point it's just a fucking number. What you plan to do with your Life though, IS important. Good Luck on your rebirth/redirection.

ps. Let go of the little stuff, ask yourself is this item/argument/issue going to matter in a year? You'll be amazed at what you drop, cause it just don't matter.

red_tux · 2015-02-09T11:15:58+00:00

Champagne for my real friends, pain for my sham friends.

Title	Turned 31 few minutes ago; no cake for me, just the pill (rant)
Author	CSThrowAway2014
Upvotes	139
Comments	68
Date	February 9, 2015 5:39 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2v9u0e/turned_31_few_minutes_ago_no_cake_for_me_just_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/turned-31-few-minutes-ago-no-cake-for-me-just-the.28933 https://theredarchive.com/post/28933